The Wall

I thought about Joseph and Orry, waiting for me at home. At least I hoped they were waiting for me. A jagged lump rose in my throat, bringing water to my eyes. I would never find someone who loved me as much as Joseph did. I missed my family so much I felt like I would be sick. It was a physical pain that twisted and turned in my stomach.

I wiped the tears from my eyes, found Careen’s arm, and squeezed. “You ready?”

There was no response. “Careen, did you hear me? Are you ready?” I whispered through gritted teeth.

“I nodded,” she said irritably.

I rolled my eyes. “In case you haven’t noticed, we’re in the dark. I can’t see you.”

“Oh yeah, whoops,” she said in her light and light-headed tone. “Yes, I’m ready. Let’s go.” And like that, she was back to the same old Careen.

We stepped outside and were surprised to find the snow had disappeared almost as quickly as it had arrived. The ground was muddy and the air mild. I fished out the handheld and handed it to Careen. She swished and swiped the screen until the homing beacon signal appeared on the screen—a little red dot that seemed to be moving within a very confined space, back and forth. The Spider lived in Ring Five. She shoved it in her pocket. A slight glow emanated from her right side where it sat.

Inside our packs was an additional set of camouflaged clothing, as well as gloves and booties for climbing the wall. Careen had the device that would open the gates. We were to get in and out quickly, making as little noise as possible.

We crouched down low and padded swiftly towards the wall, leaving our conical refuge behind. My heart was beating so fast I was sure Careen could hear it. Here we were, back at the place it all started. I swallowed hard when were close enough to the wall for its shadow to chill my bones. I severely understood the gravity, the danger, of what I was about to do.

What if I failed?

What if they caught me?

What if I never go t back home?

Stealing up to the edge, it was so hard not to turn around and run in the other direction. It loomed over us, just tipped by the light of the crescent moon, a towering wall of concrete that seemed to reach past the trees and into the sky.

Careen turned to me. “Are you sure you want to do this? You could come with me.”

“No. I’m not sure,” I said, but I had to. I had to try. “Give me a leg up.”

She hesitated. I put my leg on her knee and she pushed me up the wall. The gloves and shoes stuck to the concrete like glue. It was still a strange feeling, fun. I clambered up the wall like a gecko. I didn’t look back. I didn’t look inward either—I would see Joseph and Orry’s faces and I would change my mind.

Deshi said we had four hours once we disabled the gates. I reached the top and stopped to take a breath. Pau from this angle looked like a maze. It reminded me of one of the many toys Orry had accumulated, a circular piece of plastic with a metal ball inside. You had to tip the game back and forth to work the ball through to the end of the maze. The sense of being rattled around like that ball was strong. I fought the dizziness off, took one last look, and made my way down the other side.

Careen was right behind me. She landed soundlessly on the dirt inside and glanced my way. “Good luck,” she whispered, her breath making clouds. “I’ll meet you on the outside at four.” And then she sprinted off towards the first gate. I watched as she took a small, black disc and placed it over the locking mechanism of the gate. The camera followed her and locked onto her moving body as she pushed in and twisted it counter clockwise. A light flashed red. Red, red, red… It needed to turn green. I held my breath and we both stared at it. Red, red, red… green! Relief flooded over me. Careen nodded and slipped through the gate silently, giving me one last look of concern before she disappeared.

I should have followed but I stalled. In that moment, I felt it. Looking up at the wall that now contained me, everything felt wrong. My home was wood and stone. This place was u

As I crept in and around the shadows, I let my eyes wander. So this was Ring Eight. Being sixteen when I left, I never got to see it. It was narrow, barely any space between this wall and the wall for Ring Seven. The houses were squashed together. They were tiny and even more basic than my old home. They couldn’t have been any bigger than our old lounge room.

I couldn’t help myself. Most of the lights were off but one or two homes still had a candle burning. I stepped lightly up the path. Being naturally stompy, it took every bit of my concentration to be stealthy. My toes cramped in my shoes, my legs bandied minutely. The Pau Brasil tree was holding its breath for me as I snuck up to the dirt-crusted window. I sighed softly. My heart ached for the trees. At home, there were no Pau Brasil trees, because it was not native. It belonged somewhere else, in another country, another world that gave up on its people long ago. I sympathized with the tree right then, feeling as out of place as it did.

Through the window an old man sat, smoking on an old dining chair like he was part of it. He was thin, thin to the point of looking close to death. He was an unwashed bag of bones, his pants held up by a piece of string. I thought of Addy, the way everyone looked to her for advice, her importance in the community. This man was a waste of space and the Superiors would not waste their time or resources on him.

There was nothing else in the room, save a pile of papers on the floor and an old stove. The old man coughed, the thin cigarette dropping from his lips, and startled himself to a more aware state. He didn’t look my way, or if he did, he didn’t notice me. His eyes were vacant and chilling in their despair. Joseph was right. It was beyond sad… a bunch of old people, waiting to die. My hate for the Superiors dug deeper. A ravine, carved out by a river of blood. I crept back along the path and kept moving. Silently, stealthily.

Footfalls light. Cool air pressing down on my lungs. Run. Run. Slip through the gates. Quietly. No creaks. Everything controlled, muscles tense. Don’t trip, and for God’s sake, don’t make any noise. This was a mistake. No. Just keep moving. It was too late to change my mind now.

I arrived at Ring Two and sca

A wave of hopelessness hit me hard. What was I going to do? I had practiced the speech in my head but now it sounded stupid. There was too much to say and not enough time. What details could I provide to her that would make her come with me without question? Fear compressed me. What was I thinking, coming here?

I turned around, ready to abandon my mission. But then I heard it. The soft cry of a baby. I instinctually moved towards the familiar sound. A light turned on at the side of the house. Like a moth, I was drawn to it. And at the same time, I almost didn’t want to look. This was where it had all started—this was the baby that sent me away, sent my life down an unimaginable path. I owed it everything and blamed it for everything.