The Wall

The last thing I remember thinking before sleep finally engulfed me was, Mother, I curse you.

You didn ’t prepare me for anything. I am lost and you probably don’t even care if I’m alive or dead. You taught me nothing about what it would be like, how it would feel to give yourself to a man. To trust him entirely. How could you teach me anything about love? You chose so poorly and I have been paying for that choice my whole life.

I wish you had chosen me.

I forgot where we were. I let the cozy, timber home envelope me and make me feel safe. I let the people in. Let them help me. They made me believe in something that wasn’t real. I forgot that with the green, the plushness, and shiny plant life that pushed up and surrounded us, with the nourishment it provided came—the fur, the claws, the teeth.

This was not our place. W e were borrowers. No longer were we the dominant species. Our time had passed.

We were small in number and frame.

We were supposed to run.

C limb.

Cower

I forgot.

Joseph and I danced around each other the next couple of days. Neither of us willing to bring it up, until it went too long without being addressed and we started to just ignore it. We looked after Orry, explored the surrounding forests, cooked, and cleaned.

I began constructing a cot for Orry, which calmed me down immeasurably. I walked up to the patch of woods that sprung up just past the final row of houses. I shook down the bendy saplings, chipping my numb fingertips with tiny icicles. These trees had bad timing, much like myself. They’d seeded in the wrong season. They’d popped up just before snow had started to fall and would never survive winter. Their bendy trunks made the perfect frame for the rocking cot I wanted to make.

I cut them down and hauled them back to the house, dragging up filthy ice as I went. Quite often a neighbor would see me and offer assistance. Everyone was so friendly it made me feel a bit ill. I tried to be nice, said thank you, offered them help in return. But it all felt like pressure. I just hoped I would get there eventually.

Joseph seemed unused to idleness and after a few days, he was aching to do something. He took a spi

“You sure you can handle all that blood and guts?” I teased.

“I handle you on a daily basis. Can’t be worse than that!” he said. Quickly pulling it back and saying, “Sorry. I mean, I was just joking.”

I rolled my eyes. Things were too polite between us.

I was gathering clients of my own. After I’d finished my cot, curious eyes poked through windows. Then hands rapped on my door. Once they saw what I could do, I was asked to build things, fix things, and come up with designs. This I could do.

Careen even came and swapped game for company. She ate with us sometimes. She seemed to have very little cooking skills despite her affinity for carving meat. I taught her the basics. It was nice feeling… like I had something to give, to offer.

One night after we had shared di

Joseph’s eyelids were fluttering; I could tell he was close to sleep. He had been at the hospital a lot. He was avoiding me.

Careen watched me, her eyes twitching a bit.

“What’s the matter with you? You having a stroke?” I whispered

She blushed, her usual confident demeanor awkward.

“No,” she said. “It’s just, I wanted to say something. You don’t make it very easy.”

“What?” I was worried she was going to profess her love for Joseph.

“I met someone,” she whispered. It was her treasured secret. I had the cruel thought that maybe she had invented it in her head, but held my tongue.

“That’s… nice. Who?”

“Oh, he’s a hunter. He’s a bit older but then everyone is. He’s great! I’ll bring him up to meet you both.” I bobbed my head along as she chattered on about him. I was happy for her. Maybe he was deaf! My ears were filling with suds and water noises as I started to feel myself drifting off too.

Then we heard it.

It was a sudden and terrifying roar, a hollowing sound that seemed to be louder and wider than any one creature could make. But it wasn’t the worst noise to hear; I could have heard that noise a million times over the noise that followed.

It was the scream of the worst suffering known. Like someone had reached inside this man, pulled out his spine, and was rattling it for fun. And for all I know, that’s precisely what was happening.

Careen stood up and handed me Orry, gracefully ru

“Tigers,” she muttered to herself.

“What? You can’t go out there,” I said, shocked at how readily she jumped at the chance to put herself in danger. She’d certainly changed from the girl who’d left Joseph for dead.

Joseph snapped out of light sleep and strode to the door. I caught his arm and felt him stiffen.

“What are you doing?” I screeched.

“Someone’s hurt; I have to try to help.”

“What?” I didn’t know exactly what a tiger was but by the roar and the scream that followed, I knew it must be dangerous. Careen was gripping her rifle hard, turning her knuckles white. I looked at them both, pleading with my eyes. “Please. You can’t go out there, neither of you can.”

Joseph glanced at me briefly. He relaxed his tense shoulders, bringing them down in a jerky movement like he was trying to convince himself not to be angry. If he was going to explain, or try to make me feel better, he decided against it.

“Barricade the door,” he yelled as he stormed out, following Careen. A pair of perfect-looking, perfect idiots. I was furious, my thoughts harried and weakening. What was he trying to prove? I dragged a chair over and jammed it under the door. I then started my nervous pacing around the room, every now and then peeking out the window.

I couldn’t see anything and apart from the initial scream, there was no sound. I tapped the glass nervously with my newly grown back nails.

Click, click, click.

Grabbing the torch, I sca

On my rounds of poking the torch out the window, something flagged in the corner of the small shaft of light. A paw. It stopped dead in the torchlight like it was a solid barrier. The creature was a still as stone but in the cold I could see mist floating away from its muzzle. I moved the torch inch by inch over its body as slowly as I could, the light shaking and dancing with the trembling of my hands.

It was the strangest creature I had seen yet. Its flame-orange fur pooled in its chest and then fa