The Wall

“Most of us came from places where the bombsites were much closer, so sadly the damage was already done before we even arrived here.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, touching her hand.

She just tipped her chin and gazed at Orry.

Joseph slid his arms around my waist and pressed his lips to my neck. The cold air burned away and my heart cartwheeled like it was trying to escape my chest.

“Where to now?” he whispered

“I want to go home,” I said, angling my chin towards the Wall.

We collected Addy on our way down and were directed onto a spi

I took her hands and squeezed, trying hard not to cry. “I’ll see you soon,” I said in a voice that was not my own, girlish and unsure of itself.

She put her hand up like she was going to touch my face but then put it back down and took a handful of her shirt instead. “You’ll be fine, Rosa. And yes, you will see us soon. We are not far away.”

I pressed my hands together and nodded. “I know.”

I reassured myself that we would see them again. Soon.

The spi

We arrived back at the Wall. The mid-afternoon shadow pressed down on the houses that lined the stone structure. Addy was talking, her striated lips moving, but I wasn’t really listening. We piled out of the spi

We followed them past several shingled shacks until the man turned suddenly and headed up a path. I clasped Joseph’s hand tighter.

On either side were dormant plants sleeping under a layer of ice, which was starting to melt and pool in places. We climbed up three wooden steps and onto a narrow verandah. It was small. It was wonky. It was perfect.

The man swung open the door and showed us the simple lounge room, a couple of rickety chairs, a simple plumbed bathroom, and woodstove and kitchen in the corner. It had one bedroom with a wooden bed.

“Sorry there’s no bedroom fer yer baby,” he apologized gruffly, swiping his large hand across the back of his neck.

I laughed. It seemed ridiculous to apologize for such a thing. On the end of the bed were piles of folded clothes, blankets, and sheets. It was too much.

Set against the wall was the capsule I’d made for Hessa. It felt out of place in this homely picture.

In the corner metal glinted. I let go of Joseph’s hand and walked over, the floorboards creaking under my weight. Kneeling down, I could see it was a pile of woodworking tools. My heart swelled and stayed large in my chest, taking in all this kindness and being at a loss as to what to do about it. My eyes co

The man introduced himself as Viktor. He shook both our hands roughly and explained that he lived two houses down the road. “Call in if you have any trouble. And err… I have a chipped countertop. I need it repaired. Keep catching my clothes on it.” He looked at me. “Can you look at it for me? No rush. Just when you’re settled.”

“Ok,” I said, my thoughts tangled, feeling a bit like a wrung, wet towel. I was ru

The others said their goodbyes. Odval reluctantly left Orry in Joseph’s arms. Addy and Cal remained. Joseph hovered over Cal. “Is there anything else?” he said impatiently. I could tell Cal was starting to really irritate him.

“Um. No. Although…”

“Yes?” Joseph was leaning over him now.

Cal turned to me. “Rosa, I have some things that need fixing too. Can I bring them to you tomorrow? I’ll bring food in return.”

I thought about it. It seemed like a bad idea to encourage him but if this is how we were to feed ourselves, I couldn’t really afford to say no, not yet anyway. I avoided eye contact but accepted. “Yes. Give me a few days and then drop them off.”

Joseph grunted at this and walked away from us.

Cal just stood there staring for a while until Addy gave him a sharp look and snapped, “Goodbye, young man,” not so gently shoving him out the door.

As if startled from a dream, he staggered backwards and left.

“How did you know this was the house I would choose? I mean, the tools, the capsule. You knew I would end up here,” I said.

Addy waved me off. “Ha. You’re not the big mystery you think you are, girl.”

I smiled and stood with my arm around Joseph’s waist.

Addy turned to us, her lips curling. “Look at you two.”

“What?” I asked suspiciously.

“It’s just lovely to see a young family again.”

I couldn’t help but cringe a little. This was harder for me than I liked to admit, this instant family made in a tube, planted out of nowhere, now expected to grow straight, tall, and normal. But how did you grow a normal life from that, when everything was so backwards? I tried to put it out of my mind for now and take in our home.

Our home. The words were heavy in my head. Instead of happiness, I felt guilt. Why me?

Sometimes, I felt like I was tethered to the ghosts of my past like a bunch of balloons tied to my wrist. They were always pulling at me, trying to move on, but I couldn’t let them go and they couldn’t let me go. It made me want to keep moving, keep ru

I tried to say something to Addy but I couldn’t find the right words. I think she sensed it, touching my shoulder gently and saying, “Don’t worry, girl. You’ll get used to it. I’ll be round to check on you from time to time.” She tapped me once and said, “You know you’re safe here.”

I swear, when people said things like that, it made me feel less safe. It sounds like they’re trying to convince me of something they’re not sure of themselves.

Addy tottered out, her dark brown skirt swishing like grass shifting in the wind as she shut the door without turning around.

Bang! The timber door rattled in its frame and we were alone.

I took in Joseph’s face. He had shaved when we were in quarantine but stubble was already growing back, kissing his chin and softening his strong jaw. His golden hair was weaving itself across his forehead. Such a delicate balance of hair linked together. He gazed down at Orry and then had to flick his head to keep the hair out of his eyes. So much had changed since I met him, swinging his legs atop a concrete pillar, gri

I snorted. Thinking of how stupid it was that we had a baby. The most we’d done was kissed and we had a baby.

He looked at me, confused by my laughter. “What’s so fu

He walked over and put his hand in my hair, gently tucking it behind my ear. I shivered and forgot what I was laughing about. He leaned down and kissed the corner of my mouth. “We’re home.” I felt him breathe it in, his chest expanding at the words.

Could I stay here? Could I cut the ties and let the ghosts wind their way up to the sky? I wasn’t sure. But I knew I wanted to be here with him.