The Wall

Softly and very unsure of myself, I said, “I wanted us to say goodbye.” They looked puzzled. “Um, not to each other, but to this, to what we have been through, sort of like a memorial for our journey along the Great Siberian Railway,” I finished with a flourish. I could feel tears coming quite fast. I hadn’t realized until now how much I had missed being out here, how even though we were ru

I moved to the fire and threw on a branch. “For everything I have learned about myself…”

It was a weird thing to do and I was embarrassed but I felt we had to give weight to it. I didn’t subscribe to the Survivors’ philosophy. It was ok to feel sad, to feel loss, and to acknowledge those experiences.

Alexei stepped forward and threw some snow on the fire. It sizzled and left a blackened spot that was quickly engulfed with flame. “To the sacrifices and to the friends we’ve made… Um, also to the knowledge we have gained.”

I rolled my eyes.

I took the knife and moved towards Deshi. He looked wary at first. I held up a curl of Hessa’s hair. Deshi nodded. I cut the little, springy curl from the boy’s head as gently as I could. I gripped it tightly in my fist before throwing it into the fire. “Clara. I miss you so much, I…” Overcome with sadness, I couldn’t finish.

Joseph stepped in. “Clara, you were wiser and stronger than the rest of us put together. We will never forget you. You wouldn’t let us.”

Deshi rolled his eyes. I knew he thought this was a bit stupid but he surprised us all with what he said, “To love. Love lost and love found. I don’t think any of us thought we were as strong as this. And I think, now, together, we can do anything.”

Apella was a bit shaky but looked at each and every one of us. “To our family. I never thought it would turn out like this but I’m so very glad it did.” She looked at her feet and muttered, “I love you all.” I took her hand and squeezed.

Joseph broke the reverie. I’m glad he did before we all took hands and started singing or something.

“To those damn hinges! You know, it took me ages to find them and work them out of that window,” he said.

I jerked my head up to stare at him, disbelieving. “Window? Are you serious?” I asked.

He took a step back, hands up in the air. “I couldn’t get them out of the door. Why does it matter?”

“How big were they?” I asked.

He held up his hands awkwardly, while cradling Orry, leaving a tiny space between them. He looked totally confused. “Why?”

The ridiculousness of it could have sent me spiraling into depression. Instead, I smacked his hand and let out the biggest, heartiest laugh. Bending over, I could barely catch my breath. I heard Deshi mutter over my own hysterics, “That’s it. She’s lost it.”

Joseph bent down to find my face. He swept my hair back to reveal my eyes, and when they co

“What’s so fu

“Oh God… They would have been way too small. They never would have held up the door.”

This news could have destroyed us.

I heard Apella cough and then a noise came out of her I had never heard before—a laugh. It tinkled and whispered, almost musical. When I looked at her, she covered her mouth and I could see her whole body shaking with laughter, tears in her eyes. Then they all started. We laughed and laughed. Alexei fell backwards and landed in the snow, which made us laugh even harder.

Maybe we would be ok. Just maybe.

The fire was dying and we watched the life drain away from it. The orange coals dulled to red and then black. The babies were sleeping and we were jumping up and down to keep warm. It was time to go back, to put our faith in the next part of our journey and see where it led us.

When we got back to the tu

We were offered some food. Sandwiches, which were pretty ordinary, just dried meat and cheese. No fresh stuff. And some drinks in pretty red cans. These were something very different; I had never seen anything like them. Turning mine around in my hand, I observed it curiously.

Gwen gri

I traced my finger over the letters. It sounded like some nonsense language, ‘Coca Cola’. Joseph shrugged and we both opened our cans, which made an odd “pfft” noise. Inside the can, the liquid looked dark, like coffee, and it was sizzling. I was wary but Joseph took a swig without thinking, holding his chest and wiggling his nose. Oh God, they’ve poisoned him, I thought. He let out a huge burp and gri

“You’re disgusting!” I said in mock disdain.

I held the can under my nose. It didn’t smell bad—all it really smelled like was sugar. I took a small sip. The bubbles fizzed down my throat and some tingled in my nose. It wasn’t unpleasant but I’m not sure I enjoyed it either.

Joseph put his arm around me and I put my legs up on the bench seat. He looked down and chuckled.

“What?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.

“Nothing, it’s just you’re fu

“You’re an idiot,” I said, knocking him with my shoulder. I took another swig, the taste improving on the second intake. A small fire was starting to smolder, and every time he looked at me like that, he was fa

The carriage jolted and we were pulling out of the tu

It was hard not to feel cold even though the temperature was comfortable enough to wear just a t-shirt and jeans. The side walls of the spi

I snuggled in closer, breathing in Joseph’s scent, feeling his chest rise and fall under my head. Slowly sipping my drink, and feeling it pull sleep out from under me.

I flipped my head up and looked at him so his features were upside down. “Do you think we’re safe?” I asked, knowing full well what he would say, but needing the reassurance anyway.

“Yes, I really do,” he said confidently. The words vibrating through his chest were so comforting, I almost believed him.