The Woodlands

“I’m not sure, at the Classes we were taught to hang doors with hinges. I don’t think I can fashion hinges from wood. Besides, I don’t think they would be strong enough,” I said, still trying desperately to get Joseph to look at me but he wouldn’t. His jaw was tense and he looked at his feet. It was just a little fight and he was sulking like a child. I watched him pat his right arm over and over with narrowed eyes.

“Couldn’t we just stand the door in the gap?” Apella said naively, flicking her finger towards the yawning hole in the cabin.

“No,” I replied, thinking it over. “The weather would push through and it would blow down if it was windy. It needs to be secure and strong against the elements.”

Finally Joseph spoke, a smaller sound than I was used to, “Then we need some hinges.”

I knew what he was going to say. I knew I wouldn’t like the sound of it at all.

“I’ll go back and get some. Remember? Every door was rotted through but what was left of them was hanging off big, iron hinges,” he continued.

“No, it’s too far and it’s too dangerous,” I said, hearing my voice increasing in pitch. “We’ll find another way.”

His eyes were steeled as he said, “I doubt it. Look, we have plenty of time. The rest of you can collect more food and firewood. Finish the fireplace. By the time I get back, you’ll be done and we can put the door up.” He sounded so calm. Everyone else was nodding in agreement.

I pitched forward into the group. “Are you all crazy? What if he gets lost, or injured? He can’t go alone.” The idea of him leaving me was too much, especially on these terms.

“I’ll go with him,” Careen volunteered. My worst nightmare. Well, one of them at least.

Alexei pushed his glasses up onto his head only to run his hands through his hair and knock them to the ground. “Ok, then it’s settled, you can leave in the morning,” he said to the ground.

Everyone nodded and returned to their various tasks. I stood over my door, staring at it, racking my brain for another solution that meant he could stay. I couldn’t come up with anything.

I found Joseph stacking stones for the fireplace, the clink of rock on rock interrupted by his slight heaves. I touched his arm and he swung around, startled. When he saw it was me he relaxed a little, but I could see he was still hurt.

“I’m sorry,” I admitted, drawing the apology out of my mouth like a heavy bucket from a well. It was difficult, but I didn’t want him leaving without trying to work this out. In truth, I wanted to convince him not to go.

His surprise was hurtful and obvious. “Wow, ok, I thought it would take a little longer than that,” he laughed, that familiar smile returning to his face.

I moved closer, pressing my fingers to his chest. “I’m just a mess. The hormones make me crazy. I think, as we get closer to the leech…I mean, the baby being born, the more I worry about how things will change,” I confessed, heart jumping. I was wracked with uncertainty, feeling stupid to have put myself in this situation in the first place.

Joseph put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye. “I’m scared too, Rosa. Don’t you get it? I don’t want to lose you. I don’t know what will happen when the baby comes. I’m not sure how I will feel, or how you will feel.” His eyes left mine and he looked past me. “Sometimes I worry this was a mistake.” I went cold, sharp shivers shooting through me.

I hated how desperate I sounded when I said, “It’s not. Whatever happens later, I will always be glad that I had this, no matter how painful the rest might be. Don’t give up on me yet, Joseph. You know, you can’t always predict what I might do,” I said, smiling sadly.

“Oh, I know that!” he laughed as his arms slipped from my shoulders to my waist and he pulled me to his chest.

“So, it’s not a mistake?” I asked, looking up into his eyes.

“Oh, it definitely is!” he said, gri

I wanted to say, then don’t go, but I knew it wouldn’t change his mind. He wasn’t as stubborn as me, but he was pretty close. I thought of going with him but I would only make them take longer. Instead, we climbed the hill that rose from behind our little cabin to watch the sunset. Joseph had to push me up the hill, but it was worth it to get to the top. We could see the mounds of grassy hills; rocky patches sliding into creeks and wooded forests. It felt like we were the only humans that had been here in hundreds of years. We probably were.

The sky was cloudy, which made for a more spectacular sunset. Colors of purple pierced bright oranges and deep dark reds the color of blood. We sat in the wet grass and watched the sun slip below the hills. I leaned into his chest, his warm arms wrapped around my shoulders, his shirt, uncharacteristically, buttoned at the wrist. His legs sprawled on either side of me and I felt cocooned, safe in my space between his chest and his worn, dirt-caked boots. I sighed at the state of them. All that walking. We had both come so far.

I placed a hand on his knee and he shifted slightly. “Don’t go,” I said, feeling tears welling. Panic and hope mixed together. I was a

“Rosa, don’t worry. I won’t be gone long. It’ll only be a couple of days. It will give you a chance to miss me,” he said, but his cheek was unconvincing.

I closed my mouth. Anything I said would only sound like begging, and it wouldn’t make any difference anyway. I was full of misgivings about this trip and I knew the next few days would be unbearable.

We stayed there for hours, talking and laughing. He held my hand and I kissed his fingers one by one. He nuzzled his now scruffy face in my hair and caressed my neck. We were determined to enjoy this last night together. Somewhere, the panic lifted and I floated away on a cloud of happiness and tiredness.

I only had a slight awareness I was moving, my head fuzzy from sleep. He lowered me into my bed, now propped up off the floor by fur and dried grass. It was warm and comfortable. I sunk into it, awaiting the extra warmth of his body beside my own, the comforting sound of his slow, even breathing. But all I could hear was a faint clattering. I opened my eyes drowsily to see him stuffing things into his backpack. I opened my mouth but he beat me to it, whispering, “The sooner I leave, the sooner I will be back.”

“No,” I begged, finding my voice. I pulled myself up, fighting sleep. “Please. At least leave in the morning.” My voice stripped down, withering and pathetic.

“All right,” he sighed, placing his pack against the wall. He climbed into the bag with me and I snuggled into his chest. I wished I could hide his pack or find some other way to stop him or delay his leaving. I fell asleep, concocting ideas of how I would convince him to stay in the morning.

When I opened my eyes to the begi

There are so many things I didn’t understand. Needs and wants I didn’t even know I had. Not until it was too late.

The next two days were absolute agony. When I realized he’d left, I was furious, throwing things around in a fit of anger. When I calmed down, I found a scrawled note on a scrap of wood.

‘Sorry I left without saying goodbye. Knew you would make me stay. Back soon. I love you. Joseph.’

I threw it out the window, the scrap slicing through the air like a saw blade. Feeling tethered to it like it was my last shred of hope, I ran outside and retrieved it. I held it close to my heart while the others watched, feeling like an idiot, but having no other tangible thing to hold onto. I was so worried. There were so many dangerous things out there. I thought about the wolves, the yellow-eyed animals. I shuddered. It was terrifying to think of him being attacked again.