The Woodlands

Joseph would ask her about the baby, which she was always happy to talk about. He asked her a lot of detailed questions about how it felt to be pregnant—was she tired, was she hungry, was she in any pain? I suspected this had a lot to do with the fact that whenever he asked me anything about how I was feeling, I gave him snappy, one word answers. I didn’t like to think about the thing, let alone talk about it.

“I have a name,” she said leadingly, “Hessa if it’s a boy and Rosa if it’s a girl.”

Joseph laughed heartily. “You better hope it’s a boy then!”

I laughed without meaning to and covered my mouth.

“Have you got names, Rosa?” he asked hopefully, turning to me. Giving me that look again.

“Yes, one, but you’re not going to like it,” I replied. He just looked at me imploringly, waiting. “Leech for a boy or a girl.”

He considered it for a moment and then gri

I held my tongue. I’d let him have that one.

After three days of walking, we still hadn’t hit the railway line. According to Alexei, we were very close and needed to spread out and start searching the ground for any signs of it. It had been hundreds of years since it was last used and it was bound to be covered with dirt and plants. We were looking for anything metal sticking out of the ground. Alexei asked us to split up into teams of two; we would walk straight out from a central point for five-hundred paces and then return if we didn’t find anything. If we did find the tracks, one of us would stay where we were, while the other one went back to the meeting place to fetch the rest of the group. The central point was a neat circle of Radiata pines. We dumped our packs there and teamed up. Alexei with Apella, of course, then, before Joseph could speak, I said I would go with Deshi, making up the excuse that Clara should go with the strongest, in case she couldn’t walk back.

Deshi scowled at me. “I’m not carrying you.”

“Never expected you to,” I said as I charged off down our allocated search line.

The line we were given seemed to be uphill all the way. Deshi was puffing and panting as we pushed our way through a thicket of dead branches, intertwined with vines. He wasn’t fit like Joseph, his body not built for hard, physical challenges.

“How far have we gone?” I asked. “Is it time to turn around?”

Deshi sounded confused. “I don’t know. I thought you were counting.”

“Great,” I snorted and sat down on a log to rest for a minute.

Deshi laughed half-heartedly. “Trust me to stuff this up.” I was surprised. His attitude didn’t match that of before, when he was cocky and slightly aggressive. I eased myself off the log and stood, reaching my hand out to pull him up.

“C’mon, we’ll go another two-hundred paces and then we’ll turn around,” I said, trying to sound confident. Deshi took my hand. It was cold and sweaty.

“Thanks,” he said as I pulled his slight frame to its feet.

Deshi’s presence here with us didn’t make much sense to me. He wasn’t doing it out of guilt or some misplaced family duty. He didn’t have someone he had to save like Apella and Alexei. I wanted to trust him, but in order to do that, I had to know his motivation.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what?” he said suspiciously, as he tried to find a foothold on the crumbly ascent.

“Why are you here?” I asked outright. I was never good at leading into things.

He was scrambling up the incline, bits of rock and rubble sliding down the hill.

“That’s a good question,” he said as he held out his hand and pulled me towards him. He pulled a little too hard and we fell sideways, landing in the dirt next to each other, nearly rolling down the hill. I lay there, waiting for an answer.

“Let’s just say, if Joseph wasn’t madly in love with you, I would very happily take your place in his affections.” I think my eyes were nearly popping out of my head. I had never heard of such a thing. Shock didn’t even cover it.

“Does…Joseph…know?” I managed to stammer. I was reeling at this information.

“Yes, but don’t worry,” he said sadly. “He has always made it clear that he considers me a friend, nothing more. He never asked me to come; I made that decision for myself.”

I felt quite sad for him. Even if it weren’t Joseph he loved, in the Woodlands his would always be a life of constant lying and unhappiness. In Pau, and I assume everywhere, one was expected to marry and produce a child. Life was hard enough without the added burden of living a lie. I understood why he left. Anything had to be better than that.

“I’m not worried,” I said, “but I’m glad to understand you better.” I knew what it was like to love someone from a distance. I guess sometimes that’s all you get.

“Maybe you’ll let me understand you better then?” he said as we pushed ourselves up to standing.

“Maybe.”

We pushed on. It was getting steeper and the vegetation was clearing. Now it was mostly crumbling dirt and orange gravel. It was very slippery and hard to negotiate. As we neared the top, we were both crawling on our hands and knees. I got to the top first and hauled Deshi’s slight body over the edge. We both stood up, dusting orange dirt off our knees and palms.

We both looked down at our feet; we were standing on large slabs of wood evenly spaced apart with two metal rails lying across them. It snaked off into the distance as far as we could see. This had to be it.

It was joyful and frightening at the same time. The tracks followed a line of trees, pines and spruces, green and towering. They leaned into the track, casting spiky shadows over it but never covering it. The track itself was in remarkable condition. It was rusty and the wood was grey and rotting, but it was not engulfed in vegetation as Alexei had expected. From our vantage point, we could see the whole world. It was foreign, ancient, and beautiful.

Deshi handed me his canteen and I took a large gulp of water. Almost immediately, I needed to go to the toilet. As I went on, I was finding more and more that this child inside me was encroaching on my physical well-being, changing things I didn’t want changed and always making life harder.

“I need to go to the toilet,” I said, embarrassed.

Deshi rolled his eyes but he was used to this after travelling with two pregnant girls for days.

“Ok, well, why don’t you stay here and do what you need to do and I’ll go back and get the others,” he chirped. He couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He was scrambling down the incline before I could even reply.

It was getting dark. I hoped Deshi wouldn’t take too long. Even though there was no one around, I felt conscious of being exposed so I decided I would climb down the other side, which was less steep, and offered some privacy. I skidded lightly down the other side and found a bush to crouch behind.

Just as I finished, I noticed a form moving towards me. At first I thought it must have been someone from the group but no, it was coming from the other direction and it was moving lower and faster than a person. I was fascinated, watching this fuzzy form move from tree to plant to rock, bowing its head and then moving on, getting closer and closer to where I stood. There was no noise as it approached. Its padded feet walked soundlessly across twigs and gravel. I hadn’t moved since I spotted it and tried to shift my weight, as I was standing with one leg on the incline and one on the flat ground. That small movement made it stop, still. It turned its head to the side and lowered its body, gliding softly towards me, ears back, eyes wide. Even in this cold air, I was sweating. It put its nose to the sky and sniffed, snorting the air from its nose like the smell was unpleasant. It was only a couple of meters away from me now and I could see clearly what it was.