The Woodlands

“Breakfast is served!” he said with a wink.

“What the hell is that?” I asked, staring at the gelatinous glob wobbling in front of me.

“I made it,” Deshi said proudly, shaking the tray under my nose. “It’s a self-sufficient, rehydration…” he twisted his lips to the side, thinking, “thing-a-ma-jig.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Thing-a-ma-jig?”

Deshi smiled unsurely. “The title’s a work in process. You probably recognise the grey substance from your milkshakes in the facility. It’s a high-protein, highly nutritious, synthetically manufactured food. It tastes like licking a glue stick but it will keep us alive.”

I shrugged. It was tasteless, but I ate it. It settled my stomach at least.

When I had finished, I was ready to fire my questions. I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and said, “So the plan is to find this track and follow it, for god knows how long, and then what? Freeze to death on the edge of a mountainside?” We had been warned at school about the dangers of the outside—the harsh terrain and the bitterly cold winters.

“It’s not as stupid as it sounds, Rosa. They will be expecting us to follow the rivers or the animal tracks. This way, we may have a chance of avoiding capture.” Of course, I had forgotten that people would be looking for us, especially Apella, since she was so important to the project.

“They’ll find us, especially while we’re with her,” I pointed to Apella accusingly. If I could smack her, I would. I paused on that thought. I could… She had put us all in danger with this crazy plan. Apella held out her wrist in front of the fire. She was scarred, new flesh growing around the edges of her tattoo.

“What have you done?” Although, I knew the answer to my question. They all had the same scratchy scars on their wrists, except for Joseph. I grabbed the sca

I could hear him following me as he noisily stomped through the forest. It was slippery, mossy grey rocks covering the ground. The trees out here were thin birches; their long white trunks spattered with grey were so close together they made me feel like I was behind bars. A natural prison. I was squinting up at the sun, trying to work out which way to go, when I lost my balance and fell. He grabbed my arm before I hit the ground, pulling me up roughly.

“You know you’re walking right back to where we just got you from?” Joseph said.

“Maybe I would be better off,” I said, knowing full well that was a lie.

“Don’t be so foolish, Rosa. You know…” he didn’t get to finish. I made him regret every word. I turned around and pushed him hard. I wanted him to fall, but the trees were so thick he just bounced off one, rubbing his back. He didn’t look surprised.

“You think I’m foolish? What the hell do you think you’re doing? What exactly do you think is going to happen to us? We’re going to die out here,” I screamed, pulling at my hair. I was beside myself. There was no scenario I could think of where we could come out of this ok or even alive.

“Take me back,” I said as I pushed him again.

“No.”

“Take me back!”

“I won’t take you back, so stop asking,” he said with a shrug.

He let me yell, rant, and rave, smacking into trees, throwing my arms around until I had nothing left in me. I sat down panting and he sat next to me wearing that infuriating, bemused expression.

“What?” I said crankily.

“Nothing,” he put his arms up in surrender. “It’s just…you’re beautiful.”

I rolled my eyes. “Even like this?” I pointed to my ball of a stomach.

“Even more so,” he said, looking at the ground. “Look, I know this is a lot, and I know you probably have a ton of questions, so ask me anything and I will tell you the truth.”

I’m sure I should have had loads of questions but only two came to mind: Rash and my father. I needed to know if Rash and the boys were safe. I couldn’t bear the idea that my behavior had translated into them being hurt. I hoped they were smart enough to distance themselves from their association with me.

“Is Rash alive?” I asked, shutting my eyes tightly as if that could shut out any bad news.

“If that’s the kid you were always sitting with, then yes, he’s alive.” He sounded disappointed. “You really care about him, huh?”

“Of course, Rash, Henri, all of the boys, they were my family.” I missed them so much. It hurt just to talk about them. Smells of sawdust mixed with blood permeated my senses.

“They’re all fine, sadder and quieter than before, but they’re ok.”

I didn’t really understand his attitude. He seemed upset that I had asked this question. Hurt. I was so relieved that they had survived, that I hadn’t brought down some awful punishment on them. I smiled thinking about the last time I had spoken to Rash, how we hugged and he had joked about not liking me ‘that way’, that he preferred his girls with a bit of meat on them. A soft laugh escaped my lips. I wondered what he would think if he saw me now. Probably make some joke about me laying off the gruel. Those short months seemed like a dream to me now. I wished he were here with me.

“I’m sorry that you were taken away from them,” he said.

“Don’t apologize… That,” I emphasized, “was not your fault.”

“Can you tell me what happened?” He was searching my eyes, so troubled. I touched my hand to my jaw, remembering the devastating slam of that hammer, the way it split and shattered my delicate face. There was no scar, but I touched my tongue to the inside of my mouth, placing it in the hole where three of my teeth used to be. I shook my head. I couldn’t talk to him about that. I was ashamed. I didn’t want to admit to how badly I had wanted that life, and how fantastically I had destroyed it.

“Anything else, then?” Joseph raised one eyebrow. His face was so close to mine. I wanted something, but recalling those feelings was hard. They were just out of reach, buried under a thin layer of grit and rubble.

“What did my father ask you to do?” This question genuinely surprised him. He took my hand in his. I recoiled. Not ready. He smiled.

“You remember that your father was my teacher, right?”

I nodded. He hooked me with those eyes and I had to stretch my anger, remind myself that I wasn’t sure about him yet. But God it was hard.

He shook his head slightly, too long a silence between us. “Your father and I were close. He was…different to the other teachers. He helped me prep for the Classes with extra tutoring.” I closed my eyes and just listened to his voice. The deep rumble of it, the way it felt in my chest. I could enjoy it because he couldn’t see what it was doing to me. “When word had come that your mother was pregnant, Lenos was concerned for you.” I shrugged, news always traveled fast in Pau. “Especially after what Paulo had done to his brother all those years ago.”

I opened my eyes, “What are you talking about?” Now I was surprised.

“I thought you knew. Everyone knows.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Well, I guess that makes me the only clueless idiot in Pau who didn’t know,” I said, throwing my hands up in the air and letting them flop back down in my lap. I was regretting my question.

Joseph rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean…” I rolled my eyes. His trepidation around me was as irritating as his amusement at my anger.

“Just tell me what I apparently should already know.”

He gave me a look like, ‘are you sure?’ I just sat in silence until he continued.

“Well, about ten years ago, Paulo’s brother had a child and kept it a secret. Lenos said even Paulo didn’t know about it at the start. But as the child grew, it became harder and harder to keep the secret. At that point he appealed to Paulo for help. Your stepfather called the police straight away and… Well, you can guess what happened to them.”