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The ache is reciprocated.
I lead them upstairs to my bedroom. Cricket hesitates at the bottom, unsure if he’s allowed to go up. Andy gives him a prod on the back, and I’m relieved. “We’ll definitely find something in all of this,” I tell Calliope.
She’s still on edge. “I can’t believe my stupid niece did this to me.”
My facial muscles twinge, but I’d say the same thing if I were in her situation. “Let’s spread out the costumes and see what we have.”
“Spread them out
where
?”
I almost lose my cool, when I look at my floor and realize she has a point. “Oh. Right.” I shove the piles of discarded shoes and clothing into corners, and Andy and Cricket join in. Nathan waits in the doorway, eyeing the situation—and Cricket—warily. When my floor is clear enough, we lay out her costumes.
Everyone stares at the spread. It’s a little overwhelming.
“What’s your music?” Andy asks.
Our heads snap to look at him.
“What?” He shrugs. “We need to know what she’s skating to before Lo can design the right costume. What’s her inspiration?”
Nathan blinks.
I smile. “He’s right. What are you skating to, Calliope?”
“It’s a selection from 1968’s
Romeo and Juliet.
”
“No idea what that sounds like.” I point her to my laptop. “Download it.”
“I can do better than that.” She sits in my chair and types her own name into a search engine. One of the first entries is a video from her last competition. “Watch this.”
We gather around my computer. Her music is haunting and romantic. Fraught with drama and strung with tension, it collapses into sorrow, and ends with a powerful crescendo into redemption. It’s beautiful.
Calliope
is beautiful. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her perform, and I had no idea what she’d become. Or I’d forgotten.
Or I’d forced myself to forget.
Calliope moves with passion, grace, and confidence. She’s a prima ballerina. And it’s not only the way she skates—it’s the expressions on her face, which she carries into her arms, hands, fingers. She acts every emotion of the music. She
feels
every emotion of the music. No wonder Cricket believes in his sister. No wonder he’s sacrificed so much of his own life to see her succeed. She’s extraordinary.
The clip ends, and everyone is silent. Even Nathan is awed. And I’m filled with the overwhelming sensation of Calliope’s presence—this power, this beauty—in the room.
And then . . . I’m aware of another presence.
Cricket stands behind me. The faintest touch of a finger against the back of my silk kimono. I close my eyes. I understand his compulsion, his need to touch. As my parents burst into congratulating Calliope, I slide one hand behind my back. I feel him jerk away in surprise, but I find his hand, and I take it into mine. And I stroke the tender skin down the center of his palm. Just once.
He doesn’t make a sound. But he is still, so still.
I let go, and suddenly
my
hand is in
his
. He repeats the action back. One finger, slowly, down the center of my palm.
I ca
It’s the same moment Mrs. Bell explodes into my bedroom, and, thankfully, everyone turns to her and not me. Everyone except for Cricket. The weight of his stare against my body is heavy and intense.
“What’s the progress?” Mrs. Bell asks.
Calliope sighs. “We’re just getting started.”
I spring forward, trying to shake away what has to be the most inappropriate feeling in the world to have when three out of our four parents are present. “Hi, Mrs. Bell,” I say. “It’s good to see you again.”
She tucks her cropped hair behind her ears and launches into a heated discussion with Calliope. It’s like I don’t even exist, and I’m embarrassed that this hurts. I want her to like me. Cricket speaks for the first time since entering our house. “Mom, isn’t it great that Lola is helping us?” His fingers grasp at his wrists for rubber bands that aren’t there.
Mrs. Bell looks up, startled at his awkward intrusion, and then scrutinizes me with a severe eye. I make her uncomfortable. She knows how I feel about her son, or how he feels about me. Or both. I wish I were wearing something respectable. My justrolled-out-of-bed look makes me feel trashy.
This is not how I would choose to represent myself to her.
Mrs. Bell nods. “It is. Thank you.” And she turns back to Calliope.
Cricket glances at me in shame, but I give him an encouraging smile. Okay, so we need to work on our parents. We’ll get there. I turn around to grab a notebook, and that’s when I catch Nathan and Andy exchanging a private look. I’m not sure what it means, but, perhaps, it holds some remorse.
I feel a surge of hope. Strength.
I step forward to work, and things become crazy. Everyone has an opinion, and Mrs. Bell’s turns out to be even stronger than her daughter’s. The next half hour is hectic as arguments are had, fabric is trod upon, and garments are ripped. I’m trying to measure Calliope when Andy bumps into me, and I crunch against the sharp edge of my desk.
“OUT,” I say. “Everybody out!”
They freeze.
“I’m serious, everyone except Calliope. I can’t work like this.”
“GO,” Calliope says, and they scatter away. But Cricket lingers behind. I give him a coquettish smile. “You, too.”
His smile back is dazed.
Nathan clears his throat from the hallway. “Technically, you aren’t even allowed in my daughter’s room.”
“Sorry, sir.” Cricket tucks his hands in his pockets. “Call me if you need anything.” He glances at Calliope, but his eyes return to mine. “If either of you need anything.”
He leaves, and I’m gri
“Oh. Um, I’m not allowed to have any guys in here.”
“Please. Did Nathan catch you doing something? NO. Yuck. Don’t tell me.”
I yank the measuring tape around her waist a little too hard.
“Ow.”
I don’t apologize. I finish my work in silence. Calliope clears her throat as I write down the remaining measurements. “I’m sorry,” she says. “It’s nice of you to do this for me. I know I don’t deserve it.”
I stop mid-scratch.
She slams down my eyelash curler. “You were right. I thought he knew, but he didn’t.”
I’m confused. “Knew what?”
“That he’s important to our family.” She crosses her arms. “When Cricket was accepted into Berkeley, that was when I decided to return to my old coach. I wanted to move back here so that I could stay close to him. Our parents did, too.”
It looks like Calliope has more to say, so I wait for her to continue. She lowers herself into my desk chair. “Listen, it’s not a secret that I’ve made my family’s life difficult. There are things that Cricket hasn’t had or experienced because of me. And I haven’t had them either, and I’ve hated it, but it was my choice. He didn’t have a choice. And he’s accepted everything with this . . . exuberance and good nature. It would’ve been impossible for our family to hold it together if we didn’t have Cricket doing the hardest part. Keeping us happy.” She raises her eyes to meet mine. “I want you to know that I feel
terrible
about what I’ve done to my brother.”
“Calliope . . . I don’t think . . . Cricket doesn’t feel that way. You know he doesn’t.”