The Watcher

I closed my eyes and recalled the house we lived in, the glow of sunrise along its walls. But mostly I remembered Michael. The way that being near him made me feel exactly the same as it did now. They were the same images and sensations over and over, no more than the night before, but no less.

I felt the heat of him and opened my eyes to find him standing only a foot away from me. Could he see what I saw?

As though catching himself, he stepped back. “Arielle suggested I spend time with you.”

The mention of her name gave me a twinge in my chest. Obviously they were close. “You saw her last night?”

“Of course. We check in,” he said. Turning, he headed toward the rugged shoreline.

I followed him, my sneakers crunching and slipping on the damp rocks. I had to watch my step. “Why did she suggest you do that?”

“She’s trying to help me.” A gust of wind blew his hair into his face and he lazily pushed it back. “When we first came here, many of us became sick and fell to one of the seven deadly sins—envy, pride, lust. It took me longer. I thought I was different, but I got caught up in it just like the others.”

“Caught up in what?”

“Lust,” he said and flashed me a sideways glance that was positively scorching. The effects rippled all the way down to my knees. As though sensing my reaction, he turned back to the white-capped waves crashing against the shore. “It wasn’t just about sex…” He checked my reaction again, as though expecting me to shy away from him. I didn’t. Hearing him use the words sex and lust made a shudder of want rise within me. “I forgot who and what I was.”

Instead of saying more, he brushed his fingertips along my cheek, and his halo glimmered. I could hear the waves slapping the rocks behind us, the wind driving them in. That same wind whipped against my skin, but the touch of his hand on my face was all I could think about. It sent a current through both of us and filled me with longing for something I wasn’t sure I understood.

“I’m sorry.” He stepped back and shoved his hands into his pockets as the light around him faded. “You don’t know what it’s like. Being near you now, remembering those moments we had…” His hair blew into his eyes, but this time he didn’t move. I wanted to brush it back, but I didn’t know how he’d react. Would touching him be bad?

“You want to know who you were?” he asked. “You may look different, but you’re the same. I look into your eyes and see you.” He took in a deep breath, fixing his attention on the horizon. I’d seen and heard so much now that the logical part of my brain had long since given up arguing with me. I could feel what he was saying was true. All of it.

“What was my name?” I asked.

“Sajani.” When he spoke, his voice was a chord, and the sound of my name echoed through me like I was an instrument being strummed. “It means ‘beloved.’”

I drew in a deep, shaky breath, letting in a stream of emotion that practically drenched me. Very gently, he pulled me into a hug. The sound of his voice echoed through his chest as he spoke. “I’m supposed to let you go, but I can’t.”

“Then don’t.”

Placing a finger under my chin, he gazed into my eyes. His were filled with warning. “We can’t…I can’t be with you that way.”

“What way?”

He pressed his lips into my hair and I flushed as I realized what he meant. I wanted to ask why, but didn’t want to say anything that would interrupt this moment. His heartbeat pressed against my cheek as I breathed in the scent of his skin. Out of the corner of my eye, the sparkling glow of his halo surrounded us and a tingle of energy buzzed, stronger than anything I’d ever felt before. It awakened every cell in my body, and I thought if we could just do this, the feeling itself was incredible. Surely this would be enough.

“It’s okay,” I said, leaning to look up at him.

“It’s not really fair to you, to be with you and not be able…” A lock of hair had blown into my face. He tucked it gently behind my ear. “I can never be with you like that, Mia.”

“I don’t care,” I said. The heat of his touch lingered on my skin. “I don’t think I could never have this again and be okay.” My voice broke as I realized how much he meant to me, how much he had always meant.

“You’d be fine,” he reassured me. “You’re much stronger than you think. Stronger than me. You always were.”

My eyes filled with tears. “What are you saying?”

“Shhh,” he whispered. “Please. Don’t cry.”

His hands gliding to the sides of my waist, he leaned in close—so close I stopped breathing—and kissed a tear that had fallen down my cheek. Afraid he’d back away, I lifted my lips to his, brushing against them, softly, tentatively at first, awakening the current that trembled through me. Twining my arms around his neck, I drew myself into him. And with a sigh, he tightened his arms around me, parted his lips, and the culmination of thousands of years of waiting poured out of him like a dam had burst.

The energy around us built with the wind off the water, rushing past my skin, tangling my hair. I wanted to be swept away, carried above the clouds to the heavens. For a moment, everything was warm and bright like the sun.

In the distance, I could hear a gentle female voice in the wind, then a chorus of voices, speaking all at once, calling Michael by name.

His body tensed, but he pulled me closer, his kisses more urgent. The wind had died down, and a golden flare brushed my skin, searing me. I crushed myself against him, hips against his thighs, welcoming that heat. There was nothing I wanted more than this.

“Michael,” the voice—or voices—said firmly, “you must stop now.”

Why couldn’t the voice just go away? I wanted to get closer to that heat, crawl into it, let it consume me. But with those words, he froze. Gently but firmly he untangled my arms from around him and backed away, not looking at me but at the ground.

Behind him, Arielle was furious.

“Is this your idea of being on duty? You were wide open. We could have easily had another breach,” she said, her voice still sounding choral. “If I wasn’t here, anything could have come through.”

Michael shook his head gravely. “I didn’t expect…”

“You were sent into the body of an eighteen-year-old male for a reason.”

He glared at her, his expression all at once wild, dark, and haunted. “The ultimate test?”

“For your own recovery,” she said. “You know you’re not being punished.”

They talked as though they were discussing some kind of science experiment and not the intimate experience we’d just had. Still reeling from the intensity of his kiss, I couldn’t help but think that if she hadn’t arrived, we might have enjoyed ourselves a little longer. What would have been so wrong with that? My heart sprinted in my chest, aching to be near him, and my body craved his touch. I was cold, so cold I started to tremble. I wanted—needed—him close to me. This was how an addict must feel. It was as though someone had just filled the needle and tapped it, about to plunge it into my veins, and then someone else came along and took it away.

Arielle gave Michael a stern look. “Your energy’s way too much for her. You’ve enthralled her.”

What did she mean, enthralled?

Michael clasped his hands behind his head and huffed out his breath. “Not on purpose.”

“That doesn’t matter. You know our laws are absolute. What if the others found out?”

As I listened to them speaking as though I wasn’t there, I couldn’t help but wonder how she’d found us and why she was telling him off. Did she want more than friendship from him? If she did, she had a fu

“It’s not how you think,” she said, her voice sounding more human. “I don’t feel the way you do for him, and I don’t disapprove of you, either.” She then turned back to Michael and said in a more musical voice, “She doesn’t know I’m your sponsor, does she? If you’re going to keep her around, you might want to think about telling her.”