Flat-Out Love

She watched Matt squint seriously at his computer as though at any moment he was about to make a breakthrough discovery that would earn him the Nobel Prize for some incomprehensible scientific digital-magnetic-opti-something or other. Well, if he won, she would valiantly take him clothes-shopping so that he could attend the awards ceremony in something besides the awful shirt that he had on.

“Matt?”

“Yeah?” he said distractedly.

“Let’s discuss your choice of attire for the evening.”

Matt hit the touchpad a few times. “Really? What aspects would you like to discuss?”

“Let’s discuss how lame it is.”

“That doesn’t sound like the opening of a discussion. It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind about how you feel, so I’m not sure what’s left to discuss.”

Julie rolled onto her side. “I’d like to hear the thought process you went through when selecting that shirt. Let’s face it, there are thousands of clothing options out there for you to choose from, and yet, despite many stylish shirts that could flatter you, you selected that one. So I’d like to hear what led to the purchase. Ready? Go.”

Matt backed his swivel chair from the desk and turned toward her, resting his palms on his knees. “The shirt says Geek. What’s to talk about?”

Julie looked at the print on the shirt again and groaned. “The shirt is a nice shade of blue. I’ll give you that. Otherwise I don’t think it conveys much that’s positive about you.”

“It positively conveys that I’m a geek.”

“Ha ha. Very fu

“You may find my label unappealing, but it could be worse. At least I’m not a font nerd.”

“A what?”

Matt smiled. “You know. People who love fonts. There are people who go to a movie and get agitated because, while the movie is supposed to be set in 1962, the restaurant awning shown in the background of some scene is printed in Arras Bold, which wasn’t invented until 1991, so clearly the producers of this movie are insane and should be beheaded.”

Julie shook her head. “You’re totally lying. Nobody cares about that crap.”

“I’m not lying. Look.” He picked up his laptop and sat down next to Julie on the bed. “A simple search is all the proof you’ll need.” Within seconds he’d pulled up thousands of search results verifying the existence of these font nerds. “There’s even a shirt for them.”

“What does it say? I Brake for Fonts?”

“No. It just says Helvetica, which is a very well-known and well-loved font, but the T-shirt’s font is in Comic Sans, which font nerds absolutely detest.”

Julie clapped her hand to her forehead. “Wait, there are loved and unloved fonts?”

“For some people, yes. And check this out. There’s a font conference called TypeCon.” He opened a new web page. “Unfortunately the schedule for the upcoming conference isn’t up yet, but past lectures include, ‘Open Stroke Surgery: A Dissection of Letterform Bodyparts into Modular Elements for a Flexible Prototyping Base.’ Julie, you don’t want to miss this. I think you better register early so that you can get into all of the best lectures.”

She feigned looking at the web page with grave interest. “Obviously. It’s been a lifelong dream of mine to attend a font conference, and I would never forgive myself if I didn’t make it this year. Thank God you reminded me in time.” Julie put a hand on his arm and looked at him seriously. “Matthew, confess now. Are you a closeted font nerd? Do you go to these conferences? I promise I won’t respect you any less if you are. OK, fine, secretly I will, but it’s better to get this off your chest and be who you are, than to live in deception. Hiding the truth will only cripple your emotional development.”

“More than it’s already crippled?”

“Yes.”

Matt frowned. “Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you. I’m not a font nerd. You can email me in Papyrus, and I won’t care.”

“Fine. When you’re hard at work at school one night and you get a whining note from me about my multivariable calc homework, and I beg you for help, I don’t want to hear any complaints about my chosen font.”

“You’re taking multivariable calc? That’s great!”

She slumped back onto the bed. “No, it’s not great. The school figured out that I’d already taken calc in high school, and they made me take some test that unfortunately I passed. So now I’m stuck.”

“I’m happy to help if you need it.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” Her phone sounded, and she reached onto the floor to retrieve it from her purse. Seth was calling her. He was probably going to bail, and she’d be forced to discuss geek sub-genres for the rest of the night. She answered the call. “Hey, Seth.”

“Julie? I’m on your street, but all these houses are buried behind foliage, and I can’t see any street numbers.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll come outside and flag you down.”

“Awesome. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Same here. See you in a minute, Seth.” She hung up and got off the bed.

Matt moved back to his desk, repositioning his laptop and adjusting the lumbar support on the chair. “Where are you off to?”

Julie sighed and waved her hands across her body. “My hot outfit and excessive eye makeup didn’t indicate that I have a date tonight? Wow, we need to get you off the computer more.”

“I did notice that you look dressed up tonight,” he admitted. “Have a good time.”

“Thanks,” Julie said. “You know, Matt, I can stay home with Celeste sometimes when your parents are out so that you can have a social life. You must have friends asking you to do things. You have to hang out with them sometime.”

He shrugged. “I really don’t have time for socializing these days. Don’t worry about it. Go have fun.”

She felt bad that Matt was stuck at home with his sister. He was in college. He should be out having fun. Not that he looked like the sort that was aching to do keg stands at a frat house, but still. There might be a physics bee some Friday night, and he could return home with a nice ribbon for having spelled “coulomb” or “neutralino” correctly. Why in the world was he catering to Celeste’s bizarre needs? Why did it seem like Flat Fi

“If he’s a monstrous date, I will call you to come rescue me. We need a code word that signals I’m in date hell.” Julie said, as she walked to the door. “Something you’ll respond to. Aha! I’ll mention some boring mathematician. So when I call and say Fibonacci, you’ll know that you have to fly out the door.”

“That’s kind of an obvious choice, but, fine.”

Julie glared at him. God, he was a

“Eh, that’s all right. Again, a bit obvious.”

“Then I’ll surprise you. And I’ll make it a good one. Just you wait.”

Matt leaned back, put his hands behind his head, and smiled. “…With bated breath,” he quoted.

Julie cocked her head. “Is that the colloquial baited with an ‘i,’ or the original, insulting Shakespearean bated without?”

Matt winked. “I’ll give you the ‘i.’”

Huh. So he knew Shakespeare, too. Julie paused for a moment and then began to leave. “Bye, Matt. Maybe I’ll text you in Webdings later and give you an update on my evening.” Her heels clicked soundly on the floor as she headed down the stairs.

“Webdings one, two, or three?” Matt’s voice rang through the stairwell.

“I’ll mix and match!”

She went out the front door and down the porch steps. She looked to her left and saw headlights inching down the road. Julie waved. The car sped up a bit and then slowed in front of the Watkins’ house.

Seth pulled the car to a screeching halt and bounded out of the driver’s side. “Julie! I found you!” He rounded the car and gave her a hug.