Flat-Out Love

They only had to wait a few minutes before the next train screeched to a piercing halt. She and Matt stepped onto the train and sat down in seats that faced the center of the car. Julie crossed her legs and tried to appear as composed as one could after such an incident.

She tucked her hair behind her ears. “So, now you know that I don’t like escalators. Or elevators, I imagine, although I haven’t been on one in years. Maybe I’ve improved. It makes me fall apart. I call it moving height freak-out syndrome.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Matt informed her. “You’re acrophobic, which is one of the space and motion phobias. You have an irrational fear of heights that results in severe discomfort. And you didn’t exactly freak out. You probably experienced dizziness and some panic, right?”

“Thank you for ruining my attempt to bring levity to my traumatic event.” Julie managed not to glower, although it took some effort.

“I’m not ruining your attempt at levity, but you should come up with a name that is factually accurate.” Matt stood up and grabbed a metal bar that ran above his head, swaying with the movement of the train.

“I can come up with whatever the hell name I want to. It’s my syndrome, so I get to name it.”

“Well, it’s not really your syndrome considering that other people—”

“Oh my God!” Julie pleaded. “Can we not argue about what this mortifying thing is called?”

“We’re not arguing. We’re discussing. And you shouldn’t be mortified. It’s really not that uncommon.”

“I don’t care if it’s common or not, I have the right to be mortified if I want to.”

“Of course you have the right. I’m just telling you that if your feeling of mortification is based on the belief that this is an unusual pathology, then statistically speaking, you have no reason to.” He was more animated now than Julie had seen him before, color coming into his cheeks and his murky gray eyes actually shining. “You can take comfort in being part of a community. If you look at the percentage of people with any phobia at all, then you’ve got substantial company.”

“So now I’m pathological?” Julie clenched her hands. Good Lord, Matt was exasperating, particularly because he had an a

“No, you’re not pathological, but acrophobia is pathological in the sense that your reaction to heights deviates from the norm.”

“Why do you have to correct everything I say?” Julie glanced at his FTW! shirt. “Out of the two of us, I don’t think I’m the one that deviates from the norm.” The train slammed to a stop. “You’re the one who seems to get off arguing.”

“You sound exactly like Fi

“Don’t be rude. Then let’s call it a draw, and we’ll agree to disagree. Come on. I don’t suppose I can get a Coolatta around here? I need caffeine if I’m going to regroup and find an apartment today.” Julie stepped onto the platform with Matt close behind her.

“Watch it,” he warned. “Make sure you get on the stairs here. This station also has a really steep escalator.”

They took the stairs and emerged in the center of Harvard Square. Matt directed her to a community board where people had pi

“What about this one?” Matt pointed to a flyer advertising a one-bedroom apartment.

“First of all, I can’t afford that. Second of all, this ad looks really old. All the phone number tabs have been torn off.”

“You never know. Maybe they had a slew of undesirables and lowered the price hoping someone normal will call. I bet the last applicant was a wealthy but deranged middle-aged clown who tried to juggle the roommates.”

Julie raised an eyebrow. “Or it was an unhinged M.I.T nerd who wanted to take over the apartment with his techie gear, leaving little room for necessary things like furniture.”

Matt tapped the side of his head. “Now you’re thinking.”

There were a few ads that looked like possibilities, so Julie stored the numbers on her phone. Matt had to get home to get the car and pick up Celeste from school, so they grabbed sandwich wraps to-go from a place on Mt. Auburn Street and then Julie set her sights on locating her coveted coffee beverage as quickly as possible. “I need a Coolatta, Matt. Please tell me we can get one here? I may accidentally reenact the escalator scene if I don’t find one soon.” Julie tripped on the cobbled sidewalk. “See? I’m already begi

“Yes. Right away.”

Matt led them across the Square to a quieter side street, then back down Mass Ave, then down a shorter one-way street, occasionally glancing at Julie.

Julie followed him obediently, wondering why he’d passed three Dunkin’ Donuts without heading in to any of them. She stopped him and dropped her head to the side. “Oh, you poor thing. You don’t know what a Coolatta is, do you?”

Matt actually appeared to squirm a bit. “Well, no. I don’t.”

“Hold on, I have to mark this event.” Julie whipped out her phone and updated her Facebook status, which she read aloud to Matt.

Julie Seagle Have discovered noticeable gap in know-it-all’s knowledge base. Will celebrate enchanting news with Coolatta.

She was unable to stifle a grin.

Matt put his hands on his hips. “Hysterical. I never said that I knew everything. I’m just confident that I’m well-informed on many subjects.”

“Apparently not important subjects.” Julie marched ahead. “And, by the way, there’s a difference between confident and cocky. Look, there’s a Dunkin’ at the top of this street. Do you know how far I have to drive at home to find one? And here you are, surrounded by one on every street corner! This is obviously the best city in the world. And the reason you’ve never heard of my favorite drink is because you’re probably an uptight coffeehouse, double-espresso, no-sugar kind of guy?”

“I’m miserably transparent, huh?”

“No. I’m a coffee psychic. You have that bitter double-espresso look about you. But today you’re joining up with the masses and getting a Coolatta.”

A few minutes later, Julie was happily inhaling her large frozen coffee drink while they headed out of the square.

Matt looked less than thrilled and made an exaggerated disgusted face after his first taste.

“This is a very popular drink, you know,” Julie informed him. “There’s no reason to be making such an expression.”

“This must be why I’m not a social icon. You’ve finally pinpointed it. I don’t blindly follow popular culture’s love for overly sweet, pseudo-coffee, ice crystal concoctions. It’s a relief to finally understand why my social status is on a downward course.”

“It’s either that or the shirts,” Julie muttered. “Hey, can we walk home by the river?” Julie could just glimpse the blue water from where they walked and was aching to stroll back to the house along the picturesque path that ran through the grass.

Matt brushed his shaggy hair from his face. “Unfortunately, we don’t really have time right now. It’s faster to cut directly through the Square, and I have to get Celeste.”