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“You are getting familiar with my method, mydear Watson! Judging by his age, Victor Chen got these pants fromthe Army. But even if he bought them at a flea market, it doesn'tmatter. It's important that the pants are quite old: about five orsix years since their Army days. Buttons fall off, one afteranother, and Victor re-attached them as needed, and with whateverthread was at hand. This suggests there is no woman in the family:mother, wife, sister, niece – all excluded. And when you say ‘inrelative order’ about the things in the shack, plus the massiveamount of owners' fingerprints, everything becomes even morelikely. Of course, I can be wrong. For instance, three men live inthe shack, not two, or Victor Chen is a widower and lives with athree-year old daughter. I simply used the most probableversion.”
“You're never wrong, Holmes. But you'dbetter deduce what happened to Mister Chen Te-Sheng. Is your pipetelling you anything at all?”
He is completely wrong about my pipe. Thecigarette does help your thinking. I can share a know-how with you.If you blow the Grass smoke into the mug, the coffee doesn't tastelike roasted acorns.
“The Chens. How long did they live here?What do the neighbors say about them?” I ask.
“They are not totally new to the area: havebeen living in the Patch-Five for just under two years. But theneighbors don't say anything specific. The Chens were extremelyquiet and kept for themselves.”
“What did Chen-senior do for living?”
“He spent most of his time tending to hisvegetable beds. Once in a while, he helped Victor fixing computersand other electronics.”
“That's what I needed! Ifyou said Chen Te-Sheng was making synthetic drugs right in hisshack, that would be a different story. But now I don't believe inthe hallucination. For a working version, we may assume that theentire deal was just a stupid joke of Victor Chen. Thegut-driver is real, butcovered in pig's blood, as in some old Hollywoodmovies.”
“Yeah! Listen more to our Tan. Who is he: aformer cinematographer? In the action movies they used only tomatosauce!”
“To hell with the movies.I'm about the missing body. There is no motive, whatsoever! VictorChen is long past the age to make such pranks, especially with thePolice. You're about the same age with Victor Chen. Would you goand show the Police a gut-driverwith some tomato sauce? Or even with the pigblood?”
“I don't use magic mushrooms, as you mayknow.”
“Version number two.Victor's father had somehow disappeared, so Victor wants to presentthis disappearance as a murder. Next, he prepares agut-driver, finds pig'sblood, and plays the rest.”
“Much better, Holmes. Suppose Victor Chenwants us to find his missing father. To make the search atop-priority, he presents it to the Police as a possible murdercase.”
“The game is not worth the candle. If wefail to find the old man, or if we find him dead, Victor is in onsuspicion of murder. If we find the old man alive, Victor is stillin – for making a prank with the Police. The tomato sauce will notdo. And the pig's blood will not work. Besides the Luminol, thereare lab methods. The CSIs can tell the pig's blood, noproblems.”
“What if it was a human blood?”
“The rag was covered with it. Would youpunch a person to drain so much blood for a stupid prank? Besides,if Victor Chen wanted to portray a nonexistent murder, why would hewipe the blood drops from the floor? By the way, this automaticallysuggests an accomplice. Tan saw the blood spots, and later theywere wiped clean, while Victor was with you at all time. He was atyour sight at all time, right?”
“Right. I can account for every second.”
“No, Watson. Version number two does notwork. If Victor Chen wanted to find his runaway father, he wouldsimply come to the Beat and declare a missing person. We're not inLos Angeles, thanks God! Texas Police works fine. We diligentlysearch for the registered missing persons, and often find them. Nopig's blood needed.”
“As always, you're right, Holmes. Moreversions? What is your pipe telling you?”
“My pipe is telling me the version numberthree. If we discard the silly prank and the deliberate deception,it looks like someone is indeed punctured with a quarter-inchscrewdriver, right?”
“So?”
“Here you go. Suppose we sit here, at home,at four PM. Nice weather. Su
“Easily. Although I don't remember whenwe're back from the Beat at four o'clock.”
“OK. So I, for no reasonat all, get a gut-driver, and make you aquarter-inch hole.”
“You're a dangerous woman!”
“You have not seen me in a rage. Next, wehave three options. The first option. You're still alive. Coveredin blood, you bail out of our shack and…”
“And stumble upon some neighbor's kids.‘What's wrong with you, Uncle Kim?’”
“Exactly! So, the first option does not workfor us. Discard. Option two. I stab you to death real quiet, no oneheard anything. I pop up from our shack with the dead body.Next?”
“What ‘next’?”
“Well, if it's me, specifically: a leglessgirl on a skateboard, I have no chance at all. So don't you worry:I will not kill you at home. I will come up with something moreexiting.”
“No doubt you will. Justsmoke a couple of your favorite To-Ma-Gochi.”
“Besides the jokes. Let say, it's not me,but two strong men, and each with two legs. OK, these two men grabyour body, leave our shack, and…”
“The same Patch kids! ‘Uncles, who are you?And what's wrong with our Uncle Kim?’”
“Spot-on, Watson! Or if they know one of thepersons with the body, the kids run through the Patch and yell:‘Uncle Kim's dead! Auntie Kate stubbed Uncle Kim!’ Do you think Ican get very far on my skate? And even the strong men with healthylegs will not be able to get away with the body. They may drop thebody and flee, but we will have two hundred witnesses.”
“Yeah. And four hundred very differentdescriptions…”
“To hell with it if they are all different!In our case, nobody had seen anything at all! And nobody droppedthe dead Mister Chen at the Patch. Hence, our second option is alsoa total dud. More coffee?”
“The coffee is cold. By the way, where didyou get these yummy brownies?”
“Light the Primus, sybarite. Mister Coyotedoes not like cold coffee! We waste all my salary on kerosene, youknow? And about the cookies, I am not telling you. Your Mom will bejealous… OK, just kidding. But I must swear you to an absolutesecrecy. It's a dark secret.”
“OK, I swear. Policeman to policeman.”
“Accepted, partner. So if instead of racingon your bike, somebody rides sensibly, on a skateboard, with twonice wooden blocks, once upon the time… OK, OK, I will make theepic saga short! Just in front of our Beat, yesterday I stumbledupon a one-legged vet with a vendor cart. He bakes these wonderfulbrownies and sells them hot. For me he even gives a specialdiscount, because I have one leg less… than him! If you behave,I'll buy more of these brownies, promise. By the way two options ofour version-three are gone. Do you see the third?”
“I don't.”
“And if you look a bit more?”
“I still don't see it. By the way, presentlyI'm looking at the Primus, so our coffee doesn't spill.”
“OK, listen in. Don't turn, watch thePrimus. The third option is: instead of dragging your dead bodyout, our two men place it inside some large container. But thiscontainer must be of a decent size, such as a wardrobe or achest.”
“Can they dismember the corpse?”
“Does not work for us. There will be notjust few drops of blood as Tan said, but all the floorcovered.”
“I agree. Hey, I like the wardrobe idea! Butin our slums… Not very often people move furniture.”
“Today in the China-Five, did anybodymove?”