Intermix Nation

“Adamek!” she cries. He stops. Nazirahdoesn’t know where the courage comes from, but something haschanged. Her armor has cracked. “There can be a better way tolive,” she says, voice clear as a bell. “We can be better.”

Adamek pivots slowly. Disbelief shrouds hisface, quickly replaced by shock, then fury. Whatever he wasexpecting, it was not that. He balls his fists, taking a menacingstep forward. “What did you say?” His voice is hoarse and riddledwith pain. He steps again, closing the gap between them. He shovesNazirah hard, forcing her backwards.

“You heard me!”

Adamek pushes Nazirah again, slamming heragainst the wall. He pounds his fists beside her head. Nazirahflinches, but refuses to back down. “How?” he hisses.

“The Iluxor,” she says evenly. “Beforecampaign.”

He clenches his jaw, neck veins throbbing,hands splayed against stone. “And did Nazirah Nation satisfy herundying curiosity?” he snarls. “Is that what you were hoping tofind, some insight into my fucked up, abusive life?” He grabs herchin roughly, dragging her up the wall. She kicks her legsuselessly, ru

“I just wanted to know!”

Their faces are even. Adamek holds a handclose to her scalp, yanking hard. Nazirah whimpers in pain. “I wantto kill you right now,” he whispers, eyes smoldering. “Just pull abit harder, break your neck … make all my problems go away with asnap. It would be so easy for me.”

“You’re all talk.”

“Don’t tempt me,” he growls.

“Do it then!” she yells, grabbing his shirtand wrenching him closer. “Do it!” Adamek looks so angry, soincredibly deranged. For a moment, Nazirah thinks he justmight.

He kisses her instead.

Nazirah screams into his mouth, strugglingto push him away. He untangles his hand from her hair, wrapping itfirmly around her waist. Nazirah grabs his shoulders, pounds hischest, but he doesn’t stop. He presses his body into hers, trappingher against the wall. The logical part of her brain shouts to keepresisting, kick him, something. She doesn’t move. Nazirah lets himkiss her, desperate and hungry and wounded. She lets him kiss herlike she is his oxygen, like he needs it. Adamek breaks contact,looking into her eyes.

And Nazirah thinks she just might need ittoo.

When Adamek bends his head a second time,Nazirah meets him halfway. She kisses him back. She feels thesurprised intake of his breath, the electric tingle and crackle andpop. He props her up higher. She wraps her legs around him, tryingto get as close as possible.

Their kisses are sloppy, frantic, anddelirious. Months of pent-up emotion, finally come to fruition.Both know this deluded fantasy ca

The clock strikes.

“Get off.”

Nazirah shoves his shoulders hard withrenewed vigor. She untangles her legs, body tense. Nazirah puts herhands over her face, sucking her bee-stung, shamed lips. Adameksteps away, putting her down. “What’s wrong?” he asks.

Nazirah is suddenly insanely angry. “What’swrong?” she yells. “This is what’s wrong! We’re wrong!”

“Nation.…”

Adamek reaches for her hand, but she slapshis away. “Don’t touch me!” she screams, mind racing. “This wasyour plan all along, wasn’t it?” Her eyes are dark and wild, lipsbruised and spitting inaccuracies.

“My plan?” he asks coldly. “And what plan isthat?”

“The same one since I met you!” she shouts,feeling reckless, malicious. “Sacrifice a scratch on your hand fora notch on your bedpost? What was it you said again in Rafu? ‘Knockme down from my self-constructed pedestal?’ Tell everyone youconquered the frigid prude Nazirah Nation, scared little virgin whogave up everything to Adamek Morgen because she couldn’t controlherself? That’s it … the power you wanted from the start!”

“Is that what you really believe?”

“I don’t know what to believe!” she cries.“You save my life one day, threaten to kill me the next! It’sexhausting being around you! Just be honest with me for once!”

“Be honest?” he asks. “How about be honestwith yourself?”

“What do you –”

“Tell me, Irri,” Adamek mocks, “tell me thereal reason you were roaming around my thoughts to begin with. Whyyou asked Solomon about me. Why you went back to themonastery.”

“I told you already,” she snaps; “I wascurious! I needed to know I could trust you!”

“Liar! You’ve been searching high and lowfor something – anything! – to latch onto! Something to redeem me,make me less of a monster in your eyes. Something to make thispesky attraction you have for me acceptable. But you can’t find it,Nation.” He leans into her, whispers, “Because I am a monster.”

“You’re wrong!”

“Am I?” he asks. “Face it. You want it justas much as I do, but you’re scared. You want to be with the man youwish I were. And you’re afraid to be with the man I actuallyam.”

“Get out.”

“Don’t worry,” he says, throwing his armsup. He backs away from her, at the door now. “I’ll leave you,princess. Just answer me one final question.” Nazirah crosses herarms protectively. “Why wouldn’t you let me kill Ramses?”

She stiffens. “Like I said, there wasalready too much violence.”

“That’s what you said. But what’s thetruth?”

“You want the truth?” she spits, crossingthe room and standing before him.

“I want you to tell me what I alreadyknow!”

“Fine!” she says. “I couldn’t stand thethought of you killing anyone else!”

“Thank you,” he says, unreadable.

“Anytime,” she responds. “Now get the fuckout.”

Chapter Twenty-Six

They leave for Valestream at dawn, withNazirah ru

The three campaigners enter a waiting truckin the underground garage. Nazirah spends the following hourscurled up in the backseat, ignoring everyone.

Nazirah rose early, unable to sleep. Shebathed in a wooden soaking tub filled with mountain water, heatedby sizzling fire stones. Nazirah scrubbed her lips until they bled,trying to erase all traces of him, of what they did. She cried intoher knees, alone in the dark, until the water turned icy.

Submerging entirely, Nazirah sank intodivine inexistence, nothing but a bag of bones, atoms, andcollapsed matter. She sank far down and she tried to stay, there,in that black hole of nothingness. But it spit her out. Lungs aboutto burst, Nazirah returned to the surface, a sputtering, gaspingmass of being.

This needs to stop.

“There is only one path to redemption,”Nazirah whispered, remembering her promise. “You know what itis.”

Truthfully, Nazirah isn’t sure what sheknows.

The truck zooms along. Nazirah sits upslowly, blinking into the bright sunlight. She looks out thewindow, finds that the barren north has become intensely green.Green like emeralds, green like envy. Green like the eyes ofsomeone she has spent hours avoiding.

The mountain ranges have been replaced bylush, rolling hills. The ice has melted, forming freshwater streamsand creeks. Trees, taller than Nazirah ever imagined, blanket thevivid sky. Osen was the cradle and rattle of Kasimir’s childhood,the rock of his youth, the muse of his adolescence. It was hisfirst love, his lifelong love.

But not his one love.

Coming here is surreal. Nazirah was once soexcited to visit Osen. But that was in the begi