Intermix Nation

“What was that about?” Cander asks her.

Nazirah only bites her lip, not wanting toanswer. “I’ll see you soon, okay?” she says quietly to Adamek, whoremains silent.

“Be back before dark,” Cander says. Nazirahnods, the two of them grudgingly coming to terms with eachother.

Nazirah begins walking down the rows towardswhere they first came in. She can see that the intermix are alreadypiling up their dead, aiding the injured and rebuilding what’s beenlost.

“Nazirah Nation!”

She turns around, facing the direction ofthe voice. “Cayus?”

“Leaving without saying goodbye?” heasks.

Nazirah looks at the ruins, shaking her headsadly. “How do you go through this?” she asks. “Why don’t you packup your homes and leave, move somewhere else?”

“And where would we go?”

“I don’t know!” she cries. “Just somewhereelse, somewhere the Medis won’t find you as easily!”

“Nazirah,” he says patiently. “The intermixhave lived on this small stretch of coast for centuries.” He openshis arms wide. “This is our home. We are tied to this land. Andwithout it anchoring us, we would be drowning nomads in a sea ofloss. Life here in Rafu may be hard, and it may often be grim, butit is where our hearts lie. And that is why we choose to rebuildhere, day after day, year after year. Surely you, of all people,can understand that.”

“You’re right,” Nazirah says, glancingaround. “I do understand.”

“You never did answer my question,” he says,smiling knowingly.

Nazirah looks into his eyes, finding warmththere that she did not notice before. “I haven’t forgiven him,” shereplies honestly. “Not even close.”

“A Medi and an intermix,” he says, shakinghis head in disbelief. “I never thought I would live to see theday.”

“But I just told you –”

Cayus gently grips her shoulder. “I heardwhat you said,” he tells her sagely. Cayus points to the red painton his arm. “I wear this to remind me that, despite our differencesand flaws, we are all human, part of God’s boundless circle. We areall children of the sun and moon, made of stars and earth.” Heshakes his head. “It is so easy to forget sometimes…”

He gives her shoulder a final squeeze beforewalking away.

#

Nazirah hurries along the coast, aware shedoesn’t have much time. Adamek could rat her out to Aldrik – butsomehow, Nazirah knows he won’t. Aldrik and Nikolaus would havenever let her come here on her own, especially not after the Mediattack on the slums. But she has to see it, one last time. Nazirahcoughs, casually inspecting the minor burns and scratches on herarms. They sting, but are nothing serious. She shivers, knowing howmuch worse things could have been.

Rafu is a small village, easily walked endto end. The unfamiliar streets bordering the slums eventuallytransform into the familiar paths of Nazirah’s past. Nazirah turnsonto a lane she has not been down in months. A fresh wave ofjitters buzzes through her as she passes several one-story beachbungalows. They gleam white and blue in the late afternoon light,traces of the foaming sea on land. Nazirah eventually stops infront of a small, unassuming cottage right on the water.

It still stands, proud and strong. It is thecottage Kasimir built for Riva, so many years ago. And it welcomesNazirah back. Nazirah’s memories here are tainted, but they are allshe has. Cayus is right. Life in Rafu is hard. But it is her home;it is where her heart lies.

Nazirah glances around the quiet lane, thenquickly walks through the rusty gate and out of sight. The weedsare overgrown in the garden. But the scent of jasmine and verbenalinger in the air, watchful guardians. Nazirah climbs the frontsteps. She bends down at the top stair, retrieving the spare keythat resides under a hollow stone. Nazirah deftly unlocks the door,fingers effortlessly recalling the way.

“I’m home.”

Nazirah walks through the entrance, prodigaldaughter returned. Her voice echoes throughout the abandonedcottage. She doesn’t know why she does this, knowing that no onewill answer. But she does it anyway.

In the living room, she runs her hands overthe surface of everything she sees. Nazirah avoids the area whereshe found her parents, the walls now spotless, the wood bleachedclean by rebel volunteers. She tries to think of her happiermemories here as a child.

Nikolaus and Kasimir are in the corner,playing chess.

Riva is baking, singing, or rocking gentlyon the porch swing out back.

Nazirah touches and feels and remembers. Andit hurts, but it’s a glorious pain.

From the fireplace mantle, Nazirah palms asmall mason jar full of smooth black beach pebbles. She stuffs itinto her pocket before continuing upstairs. Her fingers make trailsand swirls in the thick layer of dust on the banister. Thestaircase groans under her weight. It’s amazing how Kasimir builtthis house with his hands. Kasimir’s were hands of creation. Sounlike Adamek’s, used only for destruction.

Nazirah walks through each room slowly,lingering, breathing in the salty air that invades every crevice.She gingerly picks up her parents’ wedding photo, taken by atraveling peddler. Riva is radiant in a flowing, white, gauzydress. She’s barefoot, with a crown of sunflowers in her hair.Kasimir gazes into her eyes, touching the bump on her stomach.Nazirah smiles at the photo, removing it from the frame and gentlyputting it in her pocket.

She hasn’t come for this. She has come tosay goodbye, not horde possessions like a vagabond. But it seemswrong for her parents to stay alone in this empty house, smiling atno one. Nazirah wants them with her, wants them smiling at her.

Time is ru

She imagines she can hear her parentslaughing downstairs. Riva sews or drafts a lesson plan. Kasimirhums an Oseni tune and sharpens his tools. Maybe he’s whittlingsomething. Nazirah wishes she had the Iluxor, which she knowsAdamek brought on campaign. She could replay these memories in hermind then, instead of so inadequately imagining. Instead ofpretending.

It’s nostalgic, coming home. It’s sweet, butpainful at the same time. Her room feels like Irri, the girl sheused to be. It doesn’t entirely fit the girl she is now.

Nazirah breathes in, then sits up abruptly.It took her awhile to realize. But it doesn’t smell like her, pastor present. She gets up, looks around cautiously. Everything seemsto be in place, but Nazirah knows something isn’t right.

Someone has recently been in her room. Aneighbor? One of the Caals? What if the Medis know she’s here?Nazirah hurries down the stairs, exits through the back door. Shepasses Riva’s porch swing, watches as the ocean crashes onto thesurf. She should not have come. But Nazirah will be leaving soon.There’s only one more place she needs to go.

Nazirah walks slowly across the dunes behindher home and kneels before two flat headstones. The wind whips herhair and the ocean air stings her burned skin. Nazirah cries saltytears, so it makes no difference.

“I miss you so much,” she says. “I’m sorry Ididn’t make you proud. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.” She touchesthe smooth stone, tears streaking the remaining ash that cakes herface. “I don’t know how to live, when you aren’t here to helpme.”

She sinks down lower into the ground,sobbing. “Why did you have to leave me?” she screams bitterly,hoarsely, digging her hands into the sand before her and flingingit away. “Why didn’t you run, or fight?” She lies beside thegraves, pounding on the stone. “Why were you so stupid and foolishwith your lives? Why?”

Nazirah closes her eyes, remembers tobreathe. She kisses each headstone before slowly returning to herknees. “I will avenge you,” she whispers. “I promise I will. Iswear it to you.” She balls her fists. “I won’t fail youagain.”