Intermix Nation

“Either she learns to fight now,” Grum saysto the class, pounding his clipboard, “or she dies on thebattlefield. The same goes for each and every one of you! Is thatwhat you want?”

It’s certainly not what Anzares wants.

Anzares kicks Nazirah hard in the leg withrenewed intensity. “Bitch, get up!”

Many of the recruits feel Nazirah receivesspecial treatment because her brother is a Commander. They arepractically begging Grum to pair them up with her. Nazirah rises toher feet once more, standing passively in front of Anzares, waitingfor the next attack. It won’t be long now. Won’t be long untilNazirah gets what she’s been waiting for.

It’s been like this for two weeks.

On the first day, even though Nazirah hadfought plenty in the past, she froze up. She was unable to move,unable to strike out at her opponent. It was like when she metAdamek at the prison. She wanted to kill him so badly, but pulledaway at the last moment.

Is she a coward? Had it started then?

Nazirah thinks it probably started fourmonths before that, on the night she found her parents andeverything changed. She changed; she isn’t that same carefree girlshe was. She feels sick at the thought of hurting another person,feels unbearable guilt at the sight of another’s blood. She doesn’teven see her opponents before her anymore, but rather the hauntingfaces of Riva and Kasimir. She sees their hollow, accusing eyesasking Nazirah the same question she has asked herself formonths.

Why didn’t you save us?

It overwhelms her. So she stands there,reveling in her guilt and shame, and feels salvation in thepunches. She embraces the pain that comes with the blows andbeatings, and the blissful relief that follows. Because this iswhat she deserves. This is what, if just for a moment, makes herfeel something besides guilt … besides nothing at all.

But Anzares doesn’t see this.

Grum doesn’t see this.

The rest of the class doesn’t see this.

All they see is a girl who won’t fight. Whowon’t even try. And this enrages them.

Anzares throws Nazirah a final punch to thecheek. Nazirah sees the blessed stars for a second beforecollapsing to the floor on her knees.

Like she’s in prayer.

Because isn’t she?

And isn’t this her salvation?

“Enough,” Grum says, shaking his head. Heholds his scarred hands up, indicating that Anzares can stop andthat class is over. “Enough,” he repeats, more to himself.

Anzares spits on the floor and cracks herneck before walking out the door. The rest of the class quietlyfollows. Taj and Lumi look hesitantly at each other, knowing thatNazirah doesn’t like to be helped. Cato gives them a reassuringnod. They both shrug their shoulders and walk outside.

“Come on,” Cato says, helping Nazirah to herfeet and supporting her weight. “I’ll take you to Bilungi.”

They make the short journey to thecompound’s hospital, which they could both trek in their sleep bynow. The walk is longer than usual since Nazirah is hunched over,needing to lean on Cato for support. The first day this happened,two weeks back, Cato picked Nazirah up to carry her. Nazirahscreamed at him and threw a fit. She doesn’t want his help any morethan necessary. This is her burden and hers alone.

Cato doesn’t try to pick her up anymore.

Several minutes later, they hobble into themakeshift emergency room. It’s a small room, narrow, with severalhospital beds lined side-by-side. Thankfully, only one is currentlyoccupied, partitioned by a sheer white curtain in the farcorner.

The head healer on duty, Bilungi, isspeaking to someone softly behind the partition. Bilungi is a pureDeathlander from Rubiyat. She has ebony skin and wears aperpetually harsh expression. She also has extremely unorthodoxmethods of healing.

Cato gently leads Nazirah to the nearestopen bed, forcing her to sit down. “Healer Bilungi!” he yellsloudly, one hand cupped to the side of his face. “Your afternoonwalk-in is here!” Cato gives Nazirah a searching look. He must beitching to know why she’s suddenly unable to fight, after alifetime of scrapping with nasty Eridians. But Cato doesn’task.

And Nazirah doesn’t offer.

She doesn’t know how to explain thisself-inflicted karma – this all-consuming guilt she feels all thetime and the release that comes from the pain of getting beaten up.She can tell it’s wearing on him.

“Give me a moment, Miss Nation,” Bilungisays, her voice muffled behind the curtain.

Nazirah lies back on the hospital bed,gingerly touching her swollen cheek and bloody forehead. Herabdomen burns, and the metallic taste of blood in her mouth makesher queasy. From Cato’s worried looks, Nazirah knows she’s in badshape.

“You really should have come to see me aboutthis earlier,” Bilungi says, characteristically ominous, behind thepartition. Nazirah watches Bilungi’s silhouette through the sheercurtain as she tightly bandages someone’s shoulder with a roll ofthick gauze. She finishes wrapping quickly, hands the person theirshirt, and says they are free to go. Nazirah wishes she were solucky.

Bilungi appears from behind the partition,looking at Nazirah with her usual mixture of concern and derision.“That’s the fourth time this week,” she says, as if she doesn’tbelieve it. She walks over to Nazirah, inspecting her injuriesmethodically.

“Well, we didn’t have class on Tuesday,”Nazirah says, trying to make light of the situation.

Both Cato and Bilungi glare at her. Bilungiprods Nazirah’s abdomen, causing her to hiss in pain. “You haveinternal bleeding,” she says.

Nazirah and Cato share a concerned look.Bilungi rifles through a cabinet, pulling out a muddy-looking vialof liquid. She hands it to Nazirah, who inspects its contents. It’sslightly chunky, like mud and grass in bloody water. She has gottenused to Bilungi’s odd range of concoctions and brews, but this is afirst. “What is it?”

“Drink it and I’ll tell you.”

Bilungi is a coy old bitch.

“What if I’m allergic?”

“Then you die.”

Closing her eyes, Nazirah tips the vialback, gagging as the muddy liquid slides down her throat.Swallowing and grimacing, she thrusts the vial back into Bilungi’shands. Almost immediately, she feels relief spreading across herabdomen, like tiny warm hands stitching her insides backtogether.

“That’s incredible,” Nazirah says, “andincredibly disgusting. What was it?”

“Just silt, some holy water from the RiverSyx, and chicken blood.”

Nazirah holds back another gag. “Oh, is thatall?” she snips.

“And, of course, some embezzledMEDIcine.”

“MEDIcine?”

“Medicine from Mediah. It’s extremelyexpensive.”

“And you don’t think that maybe, just maybe,I only needed to take that last ingredient?”

“No,” she says. Bilungi disposes of theempty vial and Nazirah bites her tongue. She wonders if theMEDIcine has come from one of Adamek’s co

Cato looks like he’s thinking about arguing,but from the look on Bilungi’s face, knows it will be pointless. Heleans over and gives Nazirah a gentle kiss on her uninjured cheek.She smiles up at him lazily, head a bit foggy from MEDIcine andchicken blood. “I’ll see you later, Irri,” he says, beforeleaving.

Bilungi goes to work immediately, stitchingup the cut above Nazirah’s eye expertly. She is begi

“Nazirah, what is wrong with you?” Nikolausyells, towering over the hospital bed.