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“Oh, yes, because resorting to threats always gets me talking.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit,” Casey growled. “You’re just avoiding the subject, which you do a lot. That might work with Jess, but you should know damn well by now that it won’t throw me off one bit. Now explain. Start with why I just picked you up at Wesley’s house.”
“Because I stayed the night.”
“Yeah, I figured that much out on my own.”
I bit my lip, not completely sure why I was still hiding the truth. I mean, it wasn’t as if I could keep the truth from her for much longer. She’d have it pieced together soon enough, so why not just spill it now? Now that Wesley and I were over, anyway. Was lying—or withholding, really—just instinctive now? After all these weeks of secrecy, had I developed a habit?
And if I had, wasn’t it about time to break it?
She sighed and the truck slowed a little. “Tell me the truth, Bianca, because I’m pretty confused right now. Confused and a
“I did,” I said. “I still do… sort of.”
“ ‘Sort of ’? Jesus, stop dancing around the answers. Look, you’ve been ditching Jess and me for weeks. We barely see you anymore because you don’t do shit with us. Jess won’t say it, but she seriously thinks you don’t like us anymore. She’s upset, and I’m pissed because you’ve totally abandoned us. You’re always distracted and zoning out. And you dance around our fucking questions! Damn it, Bianca, give me some answers here… please.” The anger in her voice broke into a small plea of desperation. She lowered her voice. “Please, tell me what’s going on with you.”
My heart ached as guilt wrapped around my chest like a boa constrictor. I let out a long breath, knowing I couldn’t lie anymore. At least not about this. “We’ve been sleeping together.”
“Who? You and Wesley?”
“Yeah.”
“Since when?”
“End of January.”
Casey was quiet for a long moment. Then, after it sank in, she asked, “If you hate him, why have you been hooking up with him?”
“Because… it made me feel better. With all of the drama with my parents and then Jake showing up and all… I just needed to distract myself. I wanted to escape from it all… you know, in a nonsuicidal way. Sleeping with Wesley just seemed like a decent idea at the time.” I stared out the window, not wanting to see the expression on her face. I was sure she’d be disappointed in me. Or, in a sick way, maybe even proud of me.
“So… is that where you’ve been for the past month?” she asked. “Is that why you’ve been bailing on us? You’ve been with Wesley?”
“Yeah,” I murmured. “Every time things got to be too much, he was just there. I could relieve the stress without freaking you or Jessica out. It seemed like a decent idea. Then I was addicted… but it all caught up with me, and now things suck worse than ever.”
“OMG, are you pregnant?”
I gritted my teeth and turned around to face her. “No, Casey, I’m not fucking pregnant.” Was she serious? “God, I’m smart enough to use a condom, and I’ve been on birth control for, like, three freaking years, okay?”
“Okay, okay,” Casey said. “You’re not pregnant… thank God. But if that’s not the problem, why do things suck worse?”
“Well, for one, you’re pissed at me… and I like Wesley.”
“Well, duh, you are screwing him.”
“No, I mean…” I shook my head and turned to look out the window again. The little suburban houses of Hamilton sped past us, simple and clean. Surrounded by their i
“You love him.”
“No!” I shouted, spi
“Fine,” Casey said. “But you have feelings for him, right?”
“Yeah.”
She glanced at me before turning back to the road, half gri
“Shut up,” I muttered. “This sucks.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why is it a bad thing? So what if you have feelings for him. Isn’t that supposed to be great and exciting and give you butterflies in your tummy or whatever?”
“No,” I said. “It’s not great or exciting. It’s terrible. It’s excruciating.”
“But why?”
“Because he’ll never like me back!” God, wasn’t it obvious? Couldn’t she put two and two together? “He’ll never care about me that way, Casey. I’m wasting my time even thinking that it’s possible.”
“Why won’t he like you back?” she asked.
Did she have a million questions or what? “Stop.”
“No, I’m being serious, B,” Casey pushed. “I’m pretty sure you can’t read minds or see into the future, so I don’t see how you know that he won’t ever like you. Why wouldn’t he?”
“You don’t like me very much right now,” I pointed out.
“I’ll get over it,” she said. “Well, eventually. But seriously, what’s stopping Wesley from liking you back?”
“I’m the Duff.”
“Sorry. The what?”
“Duff.”
“Is that even a word?”
“The designated ugly fat friend,” I sighed. “The unattractive girl in the group. That’s me.”
“That’s stupid.”
“Is it?” I snapped. “Is it really that stupid, Casey? Look at you. Look at Jessica. You two look like you jumped out of an issue of Teen Vogue. I can’t compete with that. So, yeah, I’m the fucking Duff.”
“You are not. Who told you that?”
“Wesley.”
“You’re shitting me!”
“Nope.”
“Before or after you fucked him?”
“Before.”
“Well then, he didn’t mean it,” Casey said. “He’s been sleeping with you, right? So he must find you attractive.”
I snorted. “Look who you’re talking about, Casey. Wesley isn’t particularly picky when it comes to sex. I could look like a gorilla, and he still wouldn’t hesitate to fuck me, but dating me is a totally different situation. He wouldn’t even date a girl on the Ski
“I really hate it when you call us that.”
“—but me? He would never be the boyfriend of a Duff.”
“Seriously, Bianca,” Casey said. “You are not the Duff. If any of us is the Duff, it’s me.”
“Fu
“I’m not joking,” she insisted. “I’m still mad at you, so why would I go out of my way to be nice? I mean, I’m like freaking Bigfoot. I’m six one now! Most guys have to look up to see my face, and no guy likes being shorter than a chick. At least you’re cute and petite. I’d kill to be your height… and to have your eyes. You have way prettier eyes than me.”
I didn’t say anything. I was sure she’d gone insane. How the hell could she be the Duff? Even in her frog pajamas she looked like she’d just stepped off the set of America’s Next Top Model.
“If Wesley can’t see how adorable you are, he doesn’t deserve you,” she said.
“You just need to move on. Put Wesley out of your mind.”
Yeah, right. Move on to who? Who would want me?
Nobody.
But I couldn’t say that to Casey. It would probably just start another stupid fight, and we hadn’t really finished the first one yet, so I just nodded.
“So… what about the Tucker kid?”
I looked at her, surprised. “Toby? What about him?”
“You’ve had a crush on him forever,” she reminded me. “And I saw you all over him in the cafeteria yesterday—”
“He hugged me,” I interjected. “That is hardly me being all over him.”
She rolled her eyes. God, I was really rubbing off on her. “Whatever. The point is, you were getting cozy with Toby, but now you’re suddenly in—”