The Dark Tower

Joe thought about it and then stood up,brushing a few errant crumbs from his shirt. He limped to the center of theroom, leaving his crutch leaning against his chair. Oy looked up at him withhis ears cocked and his old grin on his chops, as if anticipating theentertainment to come. For a moment Joe looked uncertain. Then he took a deepbreath, let it out, and gave them a smile. “Promise you won’t throw no tomatoesif I stink up the joint,” he said. “Remember, it’s been a long time.”

“Not after you took us in and fed us,” Susa

Roland, always literal, said, “We have notomatoes, in any case.”

“Right, right. Although there are someca

Susa

Encouraged, Joe said: “Okay, let’s go backto that magical place called Jango’s in that magical city some folks call themistake on the lake. Cleveland, Ohio, in other words. Second show. The one Inever got to finish, and I was on a roll, take my word for it. Give me just asecond…”

He closed his eyes. Seemed to gatherhimself. When he opened them again, he somehow looked ten years younger. It wasastounding. And he didn’t just sound American when he began to speak, helooked American. Susa

“Hey, ladies and gentlemen, welcome toJango’s, I’m Joe Collins and you’re not.”

Roland chuckled and Susa

“The management has asked me to remind youthat this is two-beers-for-a-buck night. Got it? Good. With them the motive isprofit, with me it’s self-interest. Because the more you drink, the fu

Susa

No, not a Friday. He said all the clubsbook rock-and-roll bands on the weekends.

“Ne’mine all that mistake-on-the-lakestuff, Cleveland’s a beautiful city,” Joe said. He was picking up the pace alittle now. Starting to rap, Eddie might have said. “My folks are fromCleveland, but when they were seventy they moved to Florida. They didn’t wantto, but shitfire, it’s the law. Bing!” Joe rapped his knuckles against his headand crossed his eyes. Roland chuckled again even though he couldn’t have theslightest idea where (or even what) Florida was. Susa

“Florida’s a helluva place,” Joe said. “Helluvaplace. Home of the newly wed and the nearly dead. My grandfather retired toFlorida, God rest his soul. When I die, I want to go peacefully, in my sleep,like Grampa Fred. Not screaming, like the passengers in his car.”

Roland roared with laughter at that one,and Susa

“My grandma, she was great, too. She saidshe learned how to swim when someone took her out on the Cuyahoga River andthrew her off the boat. I said, ‘Hey, Nana, they weren’t trying to teach youhow to swim.’”

Roland snorted, wiped his nose, thensnorted again. His cheeks had bloomed with color. Laughter elevated the entiremetabolism, put it almost on a fight-or-flight basis; Susa

Well, like blood.

She heard a faint alarm-bell start to ring,far back in her mind, and ignored it. What was there to be alarmed about? Theywere laughing, for goodness’ sake! Having a good time!

“Can I be serious a minute? No? Well, fuckyou and the nag you rode in on—tomorrow when I wake up, I’ll be sober,but you’ll still be ugly.

“And bald.”

(Roland roared.)

“I’m go

“Men are one thing, women are another. Putem together and you’ve got a whole new taste treat. Like Oreos. Like PeanutButter Cups. Like raisin cake with snot sauce. Show me a man and a woman andI’ll show you the Peculiar Institution—not slavery, marriage. But Irepeat myself. Bing!” He rapped his head. Popped his eyes. This time theyseemed to come kasproing halfway out of their sockets

(how does he do that)

and Susa

“Marriage is having a wife or a husband.Yeah! Check Webster’s! Bigamy is having a wife or husband too many. Of course,that’s also monogamy. Bing!”

If Roland laughed any harder, Susa

“Then there’s divorce, a Latin term meaning‘to rip a man’s genitals out through the wallet.’

“But I was talking about Cleveland,remember? You know how Cleveland got started? A bunch of people in New Yorksaid, ‘Gee I’m starting to enjoy the crime and the poverty, but it’s not quitecold enough. Let’s go west.’”

Laughter, Susa

“Hey, remember in elementary school, youwere told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly with the smallestpeople in front and the tallest people at the end of the line? What’s the logicin that? Do tall people burn slower?”

Susa

For a moment she was unaware of what hadjust happened. She only knew that slapping the side of her face hurt muchmore than it should have done. Joe also seemed unaware (his eyes were mostlyclosed again), must have been unaware, because he rapped faster thanever: “Hey, and what about that seafood restaurant they have at Sea World? Igot halfway through my fishburger and wondered if I was eating a slow learner!Bing! And speaking of fish—”

Oy barked in alarm. Susa

“Stop, Joe,” Roland said. He sounded out ofbreath. Weak. With laughter, Susa

Joe opened his eyes, looking a