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“Causing your blindness? Since you were four years old?”
My smile vanishes altogether. “Yes,” I say. “I … suppose.”
“So it wasn’t the blow to your head during the fire that caused it.”
“No, the fall definitely caused it,” I say. “I remember that clearly.”
“But you would have recovered your sight if someone hadn’t decided
it was to their advantage to keep you blind. Maybe that’s what your
ancestor was trying to tell you in your dream last night,” he says, his
intelligent eyes catching the candlelight, revealing flecks of gold hidden in
the dark brown.
They’re mesmerizing, not just a part of him, but a window into him,
confirming all the things I’ve thought I’ve heard in his voice. He’s worried
about me. He cares about me. It scares him that he cares, but he cares
anyway, enough to climb a tower to make sure I’m okay.
I would climb a tower for him, too. I would. I start to tell him so, but
before I can speak, he says—
“Maybe she’s trying to tell you who’s been poisoning you.”
“Would the dead know something like that?” I’m chilled by the
thought. I’m not convinced my ancestors are capable of sending dreams
from the other side, but I’m not unconvinced, either.
“I’m not sure. I’m not a spirit talker.” Gem shrugs, his wide shoulders
straining the seams of his dust-covered, formerly white shirt. I can tell he
still feels uncomfortable in Smooth Skin clothing. He’d probably be more at
home with his chest bare.
My eyes roam from his shoulder to the opening of his shirt, where
he’s unbuttoned the first three buttons, revealing the hollow of his throat
and a triangle of bare skin. Bare scales. They flicker orange and gold in the
candlelight, making it look like Gem’s flesh is made of smoldering coals. But
I know his scales are cool and smooth to the touch. I ran my fingers over
them last night, let my hand creep beneath his shirt and feel the strength of
him.
I lift my eyes to find him watching me stare, and look quickly away,
pretending to study the fireplace screen, where a dancing peacock spreads
blue and green feathers.
“It could be anyone,” I say, clearing my throat. “The poison was
coming in my morning tea. It’s brought on a tray from the royal kitchen.
There are dozens of people working there, and anyone who wanted access
would only have to walk in and walk out. There are no guards. The royal
family has never had to worry about death by poisoning.”
“And why’s that?”
“Our kings and queens are too valuable to our city.”
He grunts his “Isra’s said something stupid” grunt. “So the kings and
queens like to think.”
I turn back to him with a scowl. “You don’t know everything.”
“I know that whoever decided to poison you is someone who would
benefit from a queen unable to perform her duties. And that that someone
has been thinking very far ahead for a very long time.” He links his hands
behind his head while his legs stretch forward, scooting the low table in
front of the couch across the lush carpet. It’s a smug pose, but a sensual
one, and I can’t stop appreciating the sensual long enough to be truly
frustrated by the smug. “I would look to Junjie. Make sure his hands are
clean before you bind yourself to his son.”
“Easier to get a blind girl to marry who you’d like her to marry,” I say,
thinking aloud. “But why didn’t my father ever suspect poisoning? He was a
smart man.”
“Did he love your mother?” Gem asks, surprising me with his
question.
I stop to think a moment before saying, “He said he did. He never
took another wife, so …”
“Maybe he was too miserable to wonder if there was another reason
his daughter was blind,” Gem says, his voice heavier than before. “I would
think there’s nothing worse than losing a woman you love.”
I stare at him and forget how to breathe. I want to ask him what that
fiercely gentle look in his eyes means. I want to ask him if he’s ever been in
love. I want to ask if he loved his baby’s mother. I want to ask if he thinks
he could ever love … someone else.
I want to ask if he might … if last night was more than … I want to
confess that it was for me, to tell him that I’ve never been in love, but I’m
certain this is the closest I’ve ever been to it.
The closest you’ll ever be. You’ll be sealed in a loveless marriage
before your eighteenth birthday.
I close my eyes and dig my fists into my stomach. “Yes, I imagine that
would be … awful.” I’m begi
about marriage or love or who’s been poisoning me since I was a girl. Not
on an empty stomach.
Luckily, Needle reappears a moment later with a tray filled with tiny
bowls of nuts; a plate of red cherries so stu
them; apples; water; and cold tea.
Talk of poisoning causes me to shy away from the tea—though Bo
warned me only about my morning tea, not anything brewed in the
tower—but I can’t get to the water fast enough. I misjudge the distance
between my fingers and the glass and knock it over. Before I can try again,
Needle has poured a glass and placed it in my hand.
“Thank you.” I take great gulps of the cool water with the lemon
rinds floating at the top. Yellow seen through my own eyes is more glorious
than I remember, bright and dense and cheery enough to make my teeth
hurt.
Needle nods, and gestures out to the balcony before turning back to
me with one eyebrow raised, communicating more with one look than in
seven or eight of her hand gestures. I’m suddenly not surprised that my
father seemed to understand Needle almost as well as I did, though we
never told him of our secret language.
“Yes. Gem and I are fine,” I say, then remember what Needle will be
cleaning, and wince. “I’m sorry. Leave it. I can clean it up later.”
Needle dismisses my protest with a wave of her hand and goes to
fetch water and soap and towels from the washroom. I still feel terrible, but
I suppose I shouldn’t. Queens don’t clean up their own messes. At least,
they never have in the past.
I reach for the plate of cherries and one of the bowls of nuts and pull
them into my lap, munching as I think. Now that I can see, I’ll be able to
walk among my people and form my own opinions much more quickly.
Maybe I can right the wrongs of the past and repair the wreck I’ve made of
my first months as ruler of this city.
But first, I have to clean up a different mess.
I start to call for Needle but shut my mouth with a sharp clack of
teeth as I realize I don’t have to. I can see. I can pick out my own clothes to
put on after my bath.
I stand, suddenly eager to get on with it, to tidy myself and confront
the demon of my reflection and move on to more important battles. “I’m
going to wash up and change,” I tell Gem, setting my plate down on the
tray. “I’ll be quick.”
“Do you want Needle to take me back to my cell?” he asks, his voice
strangely guarded as he sets a now-empty dish back on the tray and
reaches for an apple.
“No, I want you to stay,” I say, suddenly feeling shy. “I’d rather not be
alone.”
“You won’t be alone. Needle is here.”
If I couldn’t see him, I’d think he wanted to go. He sounds cold,
disinterested, but his knee jiggles up and down, his fingers twist the stalk
on the apple until it snaps. His elbows are on his knees, his shoulders
hunched as if protecting himself from an anticipated attack. His long, thick