On the Jellicoe Road

“Don’t,” he says.

But I pull free again. “I need to go, Jonah.”

“They must have a history, Taylor. It has nothing to do with you.”

I switch the flashlight back on angrily and thrust the box in his hand, pulling out a photo and holding it up to his face.

“Would you say this has something to do with me?”

He puts down the box and takes the photograph out of my hand, looking at it carefully. All of a sudden I see the look on his face that says it’s not so simple anymore.

“What if I told you that I think the Brigadier is the serial killer and Ha

“Jesus, Taylor! Please don’t be crazy.”

“Maybe I am,” I say, nodding, and I’m trying so hard not to cry but my voice keeps cracking. “What if I told you that some kid who looks exactly like me is probably my father and probably dead and I think he comes visiting me at night and I’m going crazy because he’s trying to tell me that something bad is going to happen.”

I grab the photo out of his hand. “What if I told you that from when this photo was taken until I was ten years old I didn’t exist? There is no proof of my existence. I didn’t even go to school, so no school records, no school friends.”

“You have a mother.”

“Just say I made her up? Just say she doesn’t exist, either? Where’s the proof? Where’s my birth certificate? Where’s my father? Where’s Ha

I try to control myself, attempting to concentrate on something else. A thought occurs to me and I move away, yanking open the other drawers of the desk. “I bet I know his writing,” I say, throwing things out of the way. Griggs grabs hold of me and I pull away but I fall back against the chair and it tumbles, making a crashing sound and the manuscript and the box go flying. He grabs me again, pushing me against the table, trying to keep me still and I try to break free, but his grip is hurting me and his face is so close to mine that it’s like he can see inside my soul.

“What if I told you that if you took me to that train right now, I’d throw myself in front of it without a moment’s hesitation?” I whisper. “I swear to God I would, Jonah.”

Santangelo pokes his head through the flaps.

“Get out!” Griggs says forcefully, not looking away from me.

“Let go of her, Griggs.”

“I said get the fuck out!”

“You’ve got one minute and I’m taking her with me,” Santangelo says just as forcefully.

I’m shaking so hard and it feels like I’ll never be able to stop.

“Please don’t be crazy, Taylor,” Griggs whispers, leaning his head against mine. “Please don’t be crazy.” He kisses me, holding my face between his hands, whispering over and over again, “Please.”

It’s the pleading in his voice that calms my heart rate.

“Will you listen to me?” I whisper.

He gently pushes the hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ears and then he nods.

“I think he did something to my father and Ha

“I was with him all night after we dropped you off. He drove me back to Sydney.”

“They could have been taken in the morning. Who knows how long he was out there before he caught up with us in the mailman’s van?”

“Taylor, he’s sat at my table and eaten with my family, in my home.”

“Your father was in your home and he ate at your table and he was your biggest threat.”

He is silent for a moment. “There are no similarities between my father and the Brigadier,” he says at last.

“I bet if I found his handwriting in this room it would be the same as the writing on Ha

“That only proves he’s a friend of Ha

“No,” I say, shaking my head. “He’s not. I remember the one time he was around her. She couldn’t even look him in the eye. He was all rigid and something else, like he knew that she was on to him.”

“Maybe they’ve got a…thing going. You’ve only seen them together once. Maybe they see each other when you’re not around. Sometimes he’s come to my house after being ‘out bush’ as he calls it. He’s more relaxed. Like someone’s calmed him down. Just say this place is ‘out bush’?”

“Is he relaxed out here with you guys?”

“No. Do you know who he reminds me of? You. Distracted and lost and whatever else. Has it occurred to you that the reason you both keep on meeting each other around Ha

I shake my head. “Why wouldn’t she have told me?”

“The same reason she hasn’t told you anything else. Maybe she promised someone she wouldn’t. I was there when they returned you to her that day, Taylor. She was crazy. I’ve seen that craziness on my mother’s face when she thinks something’s happened to me or my brother. You and Ha

“I’ve just found out that she’s my father’s sister. I think I’m all she has left. But I’ll never understand why she wouldn’t tell me.”

“Knowing what you’ve told me about her, there would have to be a good explanation.”

I show him the newspaper article about the Brigadier. “Can you explain this?”

He takes a moment to read it. “No, but if I told you what the headlines were the day after my father died, would you think I was a murderer?”

Santangelo looks in again. “Let’s go, Taylor.”

I look at him and nod and he doesn’t move.

“Can we have a bit of privacy?” Griggs asks him, seething.

“Why? So you can make her go crazy?”

“Who was the dickhead who let her break in here tonight? Don’t think for one moment that I’ve forgotten that!”

Raffy pushes Santangelo out of the way and pokes her head in. “Someone is out here,” she hisses, “so can you both tone down the testosterone levels.”

I look up at Griggs and disentangle myself from his grip. “I’ve got to go,” I say, picking up the manuscript and the box from the floor and trying to grab as much of the stuff that fell out as possible. Under the table in the corner, out of my reach, I can see some photos and I stretch to get them but Raffy is urgently beckoning to me and I can’t quite reach.

As I turn to leave, Griggs catches me by the arm. “You’ve always had it wrong about that day,” he whispers. “I had never seen the Brigadier before. He didn’t come looking for me, Taylor. He came looking for you.”

The next morning, Jessa comes into my room and climbs into bed next to me.

“It was on the news,” she whispers. “Two kids from Mittagong have gone missing.” She’s shaking hard so I hold on to her until I feel her heart stop racing and tell her the story of the boy on the stolen bike who saved the lives of those kids on the Jellicoe Road and became our hero.

Chapter 19

I go to see Santangelo’s dad at the police station. He’s working with his head down and when he looks up, he is startled for a moment, like he’s seen a ghost.

“Who do I remind you of?” I ask quietly.

He grimaces, as though he regrets me seeing that look.

“Narnie Schroeder,” he says with a sigh.

“Why did they call her Narnie?”

He walks to the counter and leans forward. I like his face. I trust it.

“She told me once it was what her brother called her when they were toddlers. Couldn’t say Ha

I nod.

“What can I do for you, Taylor?” he asks, like he’s dreading the answer.

What can he do for me? He can tell me everything he knows.

“I know you’re not going to tell me where Ha