From What I Remember

Luca has been crushing on me since ninth grade. He’s asked me out at least half a dozen times. I’ve always said no. He’s just not my type—a little too surfer dude, with the long stringy blond hair and the constant board shorts. Enough already. We get it. You surf.

We kissed once at a party in tenth grade. There was waaaay too much tongue. It was slobbery, like making out with my Labradoodle. But he could be trained. And he’s got plenty of money. So there’s that. The problem is, Stokely has the hots for him, which is unfortunate. Normally I’d steer clear—sisterhood and all that. But things have reached critical mass, and as much as I don’t want to hurt Stokely, I need to put myself first.

“Congratulations, class of 2012!” Alvarez yells out.

A loud roar goes up from the senior class, and we all jump out of our seats and toss our caps in the air. Big whoop!

I’m so outta here. I stand and make a beeline for Max. We’ve got business to take care of. I’ve got to save face, if nothing else. As usual he’s surrounded by his loyal posse. It’s hard to squeeze my way in, but I do, and the sea parts. Max looks down at me, nervous. He’s not even remotely happy to see me. The reality smacks me in the face. This is so not where I live.

“Lil…hey,” he says. He’s palpably uncomfortable.

I’m going to make this so easy for him. He doesn’t need to be sweating it.

My eyes scan his face. God, he’s gorgeous. I really love him—truly and intensely—in a way I’ve never loved anyone or anything. Sure, there have been ulterior motives circling around, but my love for him is as pure as it gets with me. I suddenly feel like crying. I don’t want to say good-bye, but there’s really no choice.

I lean in to Max. I feel his body go rigid. How is it possible things have changed so much in such a short span of time?

“Listen, Lil, we need to talk. How about we go out for lunch—”

“Save it, Max,” I say. “We don’t need to talk about anything. It’s over. I can’t forgive you for yesterday. We’re done. There’s nothing more to say.”

Max looks at me like I’ve just pulled the Astroturf out from under him. Sorry, Max, I got there first. You can’t fire me, I quit.

“We should talk, Lily. We can’t just end things like this.”

“You should have thought of that last night,” I say, my voice starting to quiver.

I will not let him see me cry. I will not give him the satisfaction. I lean in and kiss him on the cheek.

“I’m sorry, Lil. Really sorry…” Max says as I turn away swallowing the bitter aftertaste of rejection. I make a beeline for Luca, who’s standing nearby, talking to Sam Butterworth.

“Hey, So

“You too, Lil,” Luca says, holding me tight, tighter than he probably should, considering, for all he knows, I’m still one of his best friend’s girlfriends. This is going to be easy. Like taking candy from a baby.

Stokes walks up as Luca and I are hugging. She stares, waiting for us to release each other. We do, but not before I give him a little peck on the cheek for good measure, sealing the deal.

“You going to Charlie’s with anyone tonight?” I ask Luca.

“Uh, not really,” Luca says.

“Then how about you pick me up at seven?” I say.

“You’re not going with Max?” Luca asks.

“Nope. I’m going with you, if you’ll have me.”

“Totally,” Luca says. He can barely contain his excitement. His smile spreads from ear to ear, like a goofy stuffed animal. I miss Max already.

Stokes pastes on a smile, but I can see the hurt and confusion in her eyes. Why aren’t I going to the party with Max? And what am I doing with Luca? I feel bad, but what can I do? Life sucks. I know it only too well.

s soon as the ceremony is over, I make my way down the row and look for Max, hoping we can talk before I have to go. He was the first person I wanted to see after finishing my speech. The only person I thought would understand what a feat it was, flying through the air without a net. My hesitations about Max have been washed away by the euphoria of graduation. I want to hug him, congratulate him, hear his voice, feel his touch. I’m craving his company, more than Will or Jake or my parents. But I’m too late. I can already see the force field building around him. It’s a hero’s welcome as everyone descends on him. I stand on the periphery and look for a way in. He’s surrounded. I can’t even make a dent. I catch a glimpse of him and wave. He either doesn’t see me or ignores me. What am I doing? Standing here like a fool, begging for affection?

I thought I’d misjudged things this morning, acted too rashly. I was willing to give him a second chance, try again. I thought we were co

I turn and make my way toward the family section when a body slams into me. I almost fall to the ground.

“I love you, man,” Will says to me, kissing both my cheeks, repeatedly.

“‘I love you too, bud,’” I say.

“‘I love you, Bro Montana.’”

“‘I love you, homes.’”

“‘I love you, Broseph Goebbels.’”

“‘I love you, muchacha.’”

“‘I love you, Tycho Brohe.’”

We both fall back laughing. Juan looks down at us, thoroughly confused. I’m guessing he’s not intimately familiar with the dialogue from I Love You, Man. Sadly, we are. We’ve got to get out more. I silently make a vow to do that this summer. Will and I are going to get the hell off the couch and spend some serious time trying to have a social life, as gruesome as that may be. I can’t stay inside and watch movies for the rest of my life. I kind of like kissing a little too much to do that. There are plenty of boys in La Jolla; I’m sure I can find someone to practice with before I’m off to NYC.

“You were un-frickin-believable up there, Kyles! I don’t know what you had actually written, but it couldn’t have been any better than what you said,” Will says. “It was seriously mind-blowing. Did you plan any of it?”

“No. I was just kind of rambling off the top of my head.”

“You’re a superhero. I’m in awe of your powers.”

“It didn’t sound rambling at all,” Juan says. “Best valedictorian speech I’ve ever heard.”

“Wow. Thanks, Juan,” I say.

“Truly genius, girlfriend. You’re my role model. Always were. Always will be.”

“Thanks, Will.” I’m getting teary. It’s been a day. I am going to miss Will Bixby so much.

“Okay, enough with the sentimental journey. We need a little hair of the dog.” I know he’s trying to lighten the moment. Will isn’t one for waterworks.

“Shut up,” I laugh, shoving him.

“Did you talk to Max yet? He’s right over there.”

“No. And I’m not going to.”

“You can’t leave things hanging. You two make sense together, regardless of Lily Wentworth’s meager existence. If you’re not going to do anything, then I am,” Will says, obviously eager to stir whatever pot he can get his hands on.

“Will…no. Don’t do anything. Max and I are—we’re nothing. And I don’t want you getting involved, do you understand?”

“But I know how to fix these things.”

“Nothing needs fixing. Stay out of it, Will. Promise me.”

“Okay. You have my word.”

“Seriously, I don’t want to see him again. I just want to move on.”

“I get it. We’ll find you a better man this summer. Max Langston is in our rearview mirror.”

“Kylie, Kylie, Kylie, Kylie.” Jake is chanting my name as he rushes toward us.