From What I Remember

There’s a guy on the stage who keeps tapping the microphone. This horrible screeching sound is coming out of it that makes me want to put my fingers in my ears, but I know Mom doesn’t like when I do that. She says it’s disrespectful. I hope he fixes it.

Dad made us stop on the way here to buy some flowers for Kylie. I got to choose them. I picked out yellow roses with these tiny white flowers mixed in. I’ve been holding them for forty-six minutes. They’re starting to wilt because it’s really hot. They probably should be in water. I’m afraid they’re going to die. I keep spitting on them to keep them wet, but I don’t think it’s working.

I am wearing two watches—one digital on my left arm and one analog on my right arm—and they both say the same time,

12:16. Where is Kylie? The headmaster takes the stage. People applaud. I don’t. I can’t. I’m still holding the flowers.

“Welcome, everyone,” the headmaster says. “Sorry to get started a little late; we were just giving our graduation speaker some extra time. We’re not quite sure where she is.”

He’s talking about Kylie. He’s wondering about her, too, just like me and Mom and Dad. I look for Will. I don’t see him, either. They must be together. I don’t know anyone else to look for. What if Kylie never comes? What if they call her to give her speech and she’s still not here? I wonder what will happen.

I hear a police siren. It’s loud and getting louder, coming closer and closer. I stand up and look out at the street. A police van stops in front of the school. Everyone is turning around in their seats and staring at it. It’s practically on the lawn. A police officer climbs out of the front seat and goes around to the back to open the doors. That’s when Kylie gets out.

he van screeches to a stop outside of Freiburg, careering over the sidewalk and onto the lawn. Officer Spittani gets out and unlocks the door for us. I’m about to jump out when Lily grabs my hand, stopping me.

“What?” I ask her.

“Just wait a minute.” Lily pulls a tube of lipstick out of her bag. Expertly, she dots my cheeks and lips, rubbing in the color with the focus of a makeup artist. She runs her hands through my hair, fluffing my curls. And then she takes out hand lotion, using it to smooth away flyaways.

“Okay. Go,” Lily instructs. “Do this thing.”

“’Kay, thanks…” I say, too thrown to say much else.

I scramble out of the police van and burst onto the lawn to find my entire graduating class, their friends and family, staring at me. Shit. What an entrance. Not exactly what I was going for. I was kind of hoping to just walk up to the podium quietly, no spotlight, and plow through my mediocre speech as quickly as possible. But that’s all gone to hell.

Max, Charlie, Lily, Will, and Juan stumble out after me. We all stand motionless for a moment. Shock and awe is probably the best way to describe our communal reaction. We stare out at the audience. They stare back at us. I try to spot Jake, Mom, and Dad in the crowd, but can’t find them.

I can only imagine what everyone is thinking. I’m wearing the bright fuchsia Mexican wedding dress. Will has his Carhartt overalls on, and Max, Lily, and Charlie give new meaning to graduation casual in their shorts, jeans, and T-shirts. Lily has got to be bummed she didn’t have time to change. She’s always got the perfect outfit for every social occasion. This is nowhere near graduation chic. And, of course, we’ve all just climbed out of a police van most often used to transport prisoners, not graduating seniors.

Headmaster Alvarez marches toward us, and to say he doesn’t look happy would be understating it by a mile.

“What is going on here, Officer? Is there a problem?” Alvarez asks Officer Spittani, who, as it turns out, is a man of very few words. He didn’t say a thing the entire way to school, but he did haul ass, getting us here in record time. He’s clearly a man of action.

“No problem at all. The kids just needed a little help getting to graduation on time,” Officer Spittani replies. He turns to us. “Good luck, guys. And congratulations.”

We all offer up an earnest round of thanks. Officer Spittani hops back into the van and drives off, leaving us with Alvarez.

“Anyone care to explain?” Alvarez asks.

I’m groping for something helpful to say, because that’s what I do; I’m the good girl who plays by the rules, the teacher’s pet. I’m about to apologize and prostrate myself in front of Alvarez and my whole class in the vain hope that it will somehow wipe away the stink of the current situation, when I hear my name being called.

I turn and see Jake, his head above the sea of faces. He’s climbed up on his chair and is waving both his arms in the air, yelling out my name. Just seeing his face and hearing his voice gives me an incredible rush of happiness. Mom and Dad stand up, flanking him. They wave to me. They may be pissed, but they’re keeping it under the hood, and I’m grateful. I decide to forget about Alvarez. Screw it. I’m tired of being the good girl. I rush toward Jake.

Before I can get to him, he leaps off his chair and runs toward me at full speed. He comes at me so fast, I go down, with him landing on top of me.

“Kylie, you made it,” Jake says.

“Of course I made it, Jakie. You didn’t think I’d miss my own graduation?”

“You’re sixteen minutes late.”

“I know. I wish I’d gotten here on time.”

“I missed you, Kylie.”

“I missed you too, Jakie. Were you okay last night?”

“Yeah. Dad and I went for pizza.”

“Dad?” I say, though I’m less surprised than I would have been two days ago. I know there’s more to Dad than meets the eye.

Headmaster Alvarez approaches. “Kylie, you might have this little family reunion some other time. We’ve got five hundred people waiting.”

“Right,” I say.

He hands me a cap and robe. “You’re going to need this.”

“Thanks.” I throw it all on, take my computer out of my backpack, hand the backpack to Jake, and make my way to the stage with Alvarez.

This is it. My speech. The biggest moment of my life. Shit.

I’m just going to read it as fast as I can and then get off the stage. One speech, one day, who cares? One speech, one day, who cares? That’s my mantra and I’m sticking with it, in an attempt to push out all the bad juju that’s forming.

Will rushes up to me and falls in step beside me.

“How we doin’?” Will asks.

“No comment.”

“Shut up. You’re going to blow everyone away.”

“No comment,” I say again, because I seriously don’t even know what to tell Will. I love him for trying to boost me up when I need it most, but I don’t want to tell him how hopeless the whole endeavor is.

Alvarez, Will, and I stop at the stage. Will takes both my hands in his.

“‘I don’t wa

“‘—you’re gettin’ outta my way,’” I say, finishing the line from Reservoir Dogs.

“Get up there and kill it,” Will says, hugging me. “You look smokin’. And you just spent the night with Max Langston. Own it.”

“’Kay, I’ll try,” I say, wishing I had Will’s attitude instead of my own wilting faith in things.

As Alvarez and I head toward the stage, Lily and Charlie, robes and caps on, rush by en route to their seats. Max is behind them. He pauses. Our eyes meet. And in one look, in that single moment, I realize that last night meant something to him. What, I’m not exactly sure, and I don’t have time to contemplate it as Alvarez guides me to the lectern.

And then, here I am. On the stage. All alone. Hundreds of people look up at me, waiting. Here goes nothing.…