From What I Remember

“I’m at architecture school at UCLA.”

“Ooooh, I love architects. They have such big buildings.”

Oh Lord, let the floor open up and suck me into the ground. Better yet, take Will.

“Uh, not all of them are big. Some are quite small. It all depends on the client,” Juan says.

“I’m sure yours are very, very big.”

“Yeah, well, I’m still in school, so I’m not really building much other than models at the moment.” Poor Juan looks hideously uncomfortable.

“I bet you’re really good with your hands, all that drawing and building.”

“Yeah, we do take a lot of drawing classes, so, you know…”

“No, I don’t know. Why don’t we go outside and you can tell me all about it.”

I can see Max choking back laughter. This is turning into some kind of strange performance piece. I’m pretty sure Juan’s not enjoying himself. I know I’m not. Time for a curtain call.

“I think we should really get on the road,” I say, taking Will’s hand and pulling him out of the kitchen. “So, uh, hope to see you again soon, Juan.”

“That was awkward,” I say.

“You were freaking that guy out,” Max tells Will.

“He’s gay. Trust me,” Will insists. “He wants me.”

“You’re out of your mind,” I tell Will.

Manuel approaches.

“We’ve got to head back to San Diego,” I say. “My friend Will just got here.”

Will goes to shake Manuel’s hand, but Manuel pulls him into a tight embrace. The guy is a hugger. I can’t even imagine how he and my dad were best friends.

“Promise you’ll be back soon,” Manuel says to me.

“I promise.”

“And try to bring your dad next time.”

“That I can’t promise.”

“You have to go so soon?” Juan asks, suddenly appearing at our side. “I could tell you a little about architecture school,” Juan offers to Will. “If, you know, you’re really interested,” Juan asks.

“I’m really, really interested,” Will responds.

“So, you can stay for a little bit?” Juan wants to know.

“Not really…no…” I say.

“Forever, if that works,” Will pipes in.

“We need to get going. We’ve got graduation in the morning,” Max says.

“You guys could e-mail,” I offer helpfully. As much as I want to stay, I know time is ticking away. We don’t want to get to the border too late. Mom is expecting me. If we lose Will it could be days before we get out of here.

“We could take a short walk, talk architecture, and then you can leave with your friends,” Juan offers.

Before I know what’s happening, Will and Juan are heading out the door.

“Nice overalls, by the way,” Juan tells Will as they walk away.

“I’ve got a kilt in the car. I could change,” I hear Will say.

“Wait. What just happened?” Max asks me.

“No idea,” I say, feeling dazed and confused.

“Is your friend gay, by any chance?” Manuel asks.

“I don’t think there’s anyone gayer,” Max responds.

“You may want to go after them if you plan to get back to San Diego tonight. Juan is, how do you say, on the low down.”

“You mean the down low?” Max asks.

“He doesn’t think we know he’s gay. But we know. We’ve all known forever. We’re just waiting for him to tell us.”

After hearing this, Max and I charge outside, but we’re too late. Will and Juan are speeding down the street and out of sight in Will’s Mini.

have been sitting on the curb outside the school for a long time now. I’m counting seconds; I’m up to 3,841. I don’t know what to do or where to go. My plan was to get Kylie and go home. But now that I can’t get Kylie, I don’t really have a plan. Kylie might be in the school. But the man won’t let me in. Maybe Kylie will come out and see me. Maybe she’s not in there. But then, where is she? I keep counting. Why didn’t Kylie come home today? Why doesn’t Dad know where she is? Why did Mom leave me with Dad? I liked yesterday and the day before that and the day before that and every day except today.

I stand up and look out at the street. Cars rush by. Everyone is going somewhere except for me. I’m stuck here. I reach into my backpack and grab the two Luke Skywalkers. I don’t want them anymore. I throw one across the street. It doesn’t even reach the other side. I throw another one, harder this time. It goes a little farther. I empty my backpack onto the ground and start throwing all the figures into the street. I can hear cars crushing them. They’re all broken now, in pieces everywhere. Most of my collection is gone, but I don’t care. I don’t care about anything.

I start counting again. I decide to start over from one. I get to 467 when a car pulls up to the curb. It’s Dad. He sees me standing at the top of the stairs and comes toward me. I don’t want to see him. He’s going to be angry. I turn and walk away.

“Jake,” Dad yells as he starts ru

I run faster, around the school. I’ve got to get away from him. But Dad is fast, faster than I would have thought. He reaches out and grabs my arm. He’s strong. I can’t move.

“What the hell were you thinking, Jake?” Dad’s yelling now.

I don’t know what to say except, “Hi, Dad.” I don’t like yelling.

Dad throws his arms around me and hugs me for twenty-three seconds without saying anything. He breathes out really hard and then takes in a few deep breaths. He lets go of me, and we stand there staring at each other. I wonder what will happen next.

“Jesus, I had no idea what happened to you. You could have been killed or kidnapped or…I don’t know what. You can’t just run away like that, Jake.” He’s not yelling, but he’s talking really loud. Too loud. I’m standing right next to him.

“Here’s the list of stuff I don’t like: apples, the fork in my bowl, Honey Nut Cheerios, eggplant parmesan, worms, watching baseball, and Taylor Swift.” I’m not looking at Dad anymore. He’s not saying anything.

“Okay.” Dad is speaking softer now. “I think I’ve got it.”

“There’s more. That was just one list.”

“How many lists are there?”

“Fifteen.”

“I think you’re going to have to give me all the lists.”

“I can do that.”

“Bud, why did you leave the house without telling me? I was so worried about you.”

“Kylie’s not at school. Mom said she was staying late. But a man told me that she isn’t here.”

“Maybe she’s on her way home. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“I threw all my Star Wars figures onto the street. They’re not okay.”

“We’ll get you new ones.”

“That would be good.”

Dad isn’t acting like Dad. He’s acting nicer.

“Jake, you can’t do that, you know? You can’t just leave the house by yourself. If you want to go somewhere, you need to tell me.”

“I went to find Kylie. If I’d found her I wouldn’t have been by myself.”

“You could have gotten lost. You could have gotten hurt. I was so scared something happened to you, Jake.”

“I know how to take the bus. I know how to walk. I’m not stupid, you know?”

Dad just stares at me for a long time. I hate it when he does that. Usually he leaves the room after that. But where would he go now? Back to the car?

“You know what, buddy? You’re right. You did good. But next time, you’ve got to run it by me, okay? Just so I know where you’re going.”

Dad is smiling at me. He never smiles. His teeth are nice and white. His lips are very red. He should smile more. I smile back at Dad.

“Don’t tell Mom, okay?” I say.

“I already told her. I was worried so I called her. It was her idea to come to school and look for you. Don’t worry. She won’t be mad, I promise.”

“You were worried about me?”

“Of course I was, buddy. I would never have forgiven myself if something had happened. You didn’t think I’d be worried about you?”