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I squeezed him back. It felt so good that I almost cried. For a while I thought I’d never feel this again. “It’s okay. What happened was just as much my fault as yours. We should have talked about this years ago.”
Aiden was surprised by my comment. I tugged him over to the bed with me, and we sat shoulder to shoulder. He picked up my hand and rested his head on mine. “I don’t ever want to lose you, Avery. I don’t think I could handle that.”
My heart, which had hurt so bad just minutes before, suddenly soared. “Me either.” I took a breath. No time like the present. “I love you so much, Aiden.”
“I know, Aves. Me too.”
“No, I don’t think you do know. I’m saying I’m in love with you.”
Aiden’s grip on my hand tightened. “What?”
“I’m in love with you, Aiden. I have been for years and years. I should have said something, but I always just figured you’d get it when you were ready.”
I let out a huge breath. I couldn’t believe it. After so long my deepest secret, my biggest frustration, was finally out there. Aiden finally understood.
“Oh no, Aves,” Aiden said quietly. “No. No, don’t say that.”
“Wait! Hear me out.” I swallowed back my sudden nerves. The devastation in his voice had shaken my confidence. “I get what you were trying to say earlier. I totally understand you needing some space and some things to do on your own. You want to go join the debate team, fine. That’s great. I’ll support you. You can go be you, and I can go be me, but we can do that and still be us. I know we need a change, but what I’m saying is that I want things to change in the romantic direction. I’ve always wanted that.”
“Aves . . .” Aiden’s voice broke, and his hand started shaking.
“I know that must sound crazy to you, but I’m sure it could work. I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life. You are it for me. I love you, and I want you to love me back.”
Just then a tear splashed down onto the back of my hand that Aiden was holding in his lap. I glanced up and met his eyes, surprised to see the streak of moisture ru
I didn’t understand. He was so sad. It was as if somehow I’d just broken his heart.
“Avery, I am so sorry.” His voice had a sort of helplessness to it. “I—I didn’t know. You never said—you never acted like—I assumed it was the same for us. You’re my best friend, but that’s it. I don’t think of you that way.”
Moisture was gathering in my eyes now too. I blinked and a tear fell down my cheek. “How do you know if you’ve never given it a chance?” I squeezed his hand and mustered up every ounce of courage I had in me. “Will you kiss me, Aiden? Please? Just once? Maybe that’s all you need. Maybe if we kissed, you’d feel what I feel.”
Aiden closed his eyes. When he shook his head, it looked as if the action caused him pain. “I’m sorry, Aves, but I can’t. I have a girlfriend now.”
“You . . .”
Who knew a heart could break twice? This time it was so bad I didn’t even feel it. I didn’t feel anything. I actually stopped crying. It was like his confession just . . . broke me.
“Mindy Perez,” Aiden whispered. “We were partners all semester in public speaking and . . . it just happened the last day of school.”
Aiden had a girlfriend.
He’d left me high and dry without a science project partner, ditched me as co-president of science club, told me he needed space, bailed on me for our birthday next month, said he loved me like a twin sister, and I’d been so in denial that I actually thought I’d still stood a chance with him.
I was so stupid.
I believed it now. The second stage of grief was complete. Stage three too. I’d done enough bargaining. I’d asked him to love me, begged him to kiss me—to just give me a chance. It didn’t work, and now I was done with that. I wouldn’t do it again. Aiden Ke
“Okay.” I shook myself and rose to my feet.
“Aves!” He tried to keep hold of my hand, but I managed to slip out of his grip. “Avery, wait! I’m so sorry. Please don’t be mad.”
I stopped in the doorway and turned back to him. He was still sitting on his bed, looking every bit as upset as I felt.
“I’m not mad,” I promised, and at the time, it was true. Someone who is completely dead inside can’t be mad. They can’t really be anything.
Grayson
I totally discovered something lamer than journals. Being stuck in a condo for two days with an idiot brother that you want to pound in the face, while he’s acting all emo (As if he had any right to be depressed, the stupid jerk!), and Avery while she’s having a full-on mental breakdown. Seriously. Break. Freaking. Down. The girl turned into a zombie, complete with the limited speech abilities and glazed over eyes.
Who’d have ever thought that I would actually be glad to start school again?
I was a little anxious to see Avery. I hadn’t seen or heard from her since we left the condo. She wasn’t answering her cell phone, and I wasn’t allowed to call Kaitlin and ask. She and my mom were having the mother of all best friend fights because their children had broken each other’s hearts and, of course, in both cases, it was the other woman’s kid who was to blame for the “misunderstanding.”
I sort of felt guilty about what happened. I shouldn’t have sent Avery back to Aiden that night. I knew my brother. I knew Avery was going to get shot down, but she couldn’t see it, or had refused to see it anyway. I figured his official rejection was not just inevitable but necessary, so I let her go.
I didn’t know Aiden had a secret girlfriend bomb to drop on her. Avery would have found out soon enough anyway, and better she had a few days to cope in private instead of just being blindsided at school. But still, I couldn’t help feeling like I hadn’t protected her enough.
I sat in the cafeteria drumming my fingers on the lunch table like a crack addict suffering withdrawals as I watched the door for Avery. We’d never spoken at school before. We didn’t have any classes together, and we were in way different social circles, so I hardly ever even saw her, but I knew we had the same lunch. I also knew that she sat with my brother everyday. Except now that he and his new leash holder were public with their relationship, I didn’t know what that meant for Avery.
I was scared for her, which was kind of a new feeling for me because I never really pay that much attention to anyone. Aves was just so destroyed after New Year’s Eve that I couldn’t help myself. I was either stepping up as the role of overprotective big brother, or I’d developed an impossible crush and was pissed off that someone dared hurt my woman. I had no idea which it was.
Turns out I was every bit as tangled up in our warped relationship as Avery and Aiden. Thanks a lot, moms. Prenatal yoga classes should be illegal.
“No!”
My worst fear was about to happen. Avery had just been dragged into the cafeteria by some fellow nerd girl. Aves was whiter than a sheet and shaking her head in protest, but her friend had a grim look of determination on her face and was dragging Avery toward their lunch table.
I was glad to see that at least one person from Aiden and Avery’s little nerd herd had taken her side, but one girl wasn’t going to be enough. Aiden’s new girlfriend was a real piece of work. She’d come over to the house the day before and steamrolled her way to a place the family. She was loud, outspoken, and determined. She knew what she wanted and she meant business.
Unfortunately, what Mindy Perez wanted most was Avery out of Aiden’s life completely. I’d overheard her telling him that keeping up a friendship with Aves was totally inappropriate. He’d tried to tell her that he didn’t want to stop being friends with Avery, but the conversation still ended with him promising he’d “do something about it.”