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I focused on the snow crunching under my feet as I listened to Aiden tell his story.
“I was determined to keep both relationships. You were my best friend, and Mindy was my girlfriend. There wasn’t anything wrong with that. I should have been able to have both, but that first day back at school when Mindy and I were officially a couple at school, so many people were so shocked. Everyone we saw asked about you. Mindy couldn’t handle it. She got angry and went off about how people didn’t have relationships like ours. She said our moms were wrong to force us on each other.”
Aiden got really quiet for a minute and then muttered, “She said a lot of stuff. She was captain of the debate team. She had a convincing argument. Plus, she was my first girlfriend. I’d never had anyone like me that way before. I wanted to make her happy.”
“I get it,” I said. I did understand to an extent, but it didn’t explain the malice I sometimes felt. “But why did you seem so angry? Sometimes you’d look at me, and I would swear you hated me. What did I do wrong?”
Aiden’s jaw clenched tight enough that he winced because it hurt his broken nose. That anger was exactly what I was talking about. He said I hadn’t done anything wrong, but something was definitely bothering him.
“That wasn’t you. I was mad at Grayson.”
“Grayson?” The answer startled me. “Why?”
“Because it was so unlike him to take such an interest in you. I thought he was trying to take advantage of you. I was worried he was going to play you like he did every other girl, and…” He hesitated, shoving his hands in his pockets. “And because I was jealous.”
I stopped walking and gawked at him. “Jealous? Why? You weren’t interested in me. You had a girlfriend.”
We’d come to the edge of a small pond. The edges were iced over. We stopped and Aiden kicked a chunk of ice. “Because I’m selfish,” he said. “When you told me that you loved me and wanted to be with me, I hated that I was hurting you, but I was flattered at the same time.”
I felt like I was going to die from embarrassment any moment. I actually expected myself to drop dead right there.
“I’d never thought about us like that before,” Aiden said. “But after you mentioned it, I kept wondering. I knew almost immediately that I’d rather be with you than Mindy. I was going to break up with her right away, but it was too late. Grayson had already stolen you from me. You guys spent all your time together. He made you laugh and held your hand. I could see how much he made you happy, and I hated him for it.”
My heart hurt again. It hurt for both of us. It hurt for Grayson too. He was i
“Please don’t hate him for that. Grayson has done so much for me. He’s one of my closest friends now.”
Aiden tensed again. “I know.” He shook his head in disgust. “And I drove you to him. I hurt you so bad that you needed him. I’m grateful he was there for you, but Aves, when I saw him kissing you, I almost killed him.”
“Why?”
“Because I wanted it to be me.”
“You what?” I gasped.
“I still want it to be me.”
Aiden took my hand again and wet his lips as he pi
I froze. And not because it was cold outside. For a second I convinced myself I was still in bed asleep. I’d wanted Aiden to kiss me for so many years, and now here he was asking to make that dream come true.
There was a part of me that wanted to say no—a piece of my brain, or maybe my heart that didn’t want to kiss anyone but Grayson. But this was Aiden. I had to know. I owed it to myself to see what would happen. In more ways than one, I needed this.
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Okay,” Aiden answered. He took my other hand and stepped closer to me so that the tips of our shoes were touching.
He didn’t kiss me right away. He swallowed and wet his lips again. He was as nervous as I was.
My pulse skyrocketed, and I couldn’t keep any air in my lungs. I think I may have even been trembling a little when he finally leaned in.
He moved slowly, and I kept pretty still because I was scared of bumping his nose and hurting him. His kiss was shy at first as if he were testing the waters, and then his hand came up to my face, and he pulled me closer, urging my lips to part.
I liked kissing Aiden. He was sweet and considerate, and I could feel that when he pulled away, he wasn’t quite ready to let the kiss end. It was a good kiss, but that was it. This kiss was all of the anticipation but none of the excitement that I got when I kissed Grayson. There was no spark. At least not for me.
Aiden looked happy until he saw my forced smile, and then his grin faded. “It’s not going to happen, is it?” It didn’t sound like he needed an answer.
“It was nice,” I said.
“But it wasn’t like kissing Grayson.”
I felt my face go from polite to pained. The whole situation was so surreal. Who knew I’d ever be the one rejecting Aiden?
Aiden shook his head as if to let me know he wasn’t upset. “I had to try, but I think I knew it was coming.” He sighed. “As if I could ever compete with Grayson when he got all the looks and the charm.”
I felt awful and tried to lighten the situation. “But you got all the brains, so he may be the one to rule the country someday, but you’ll own it.”
Aiden forced his mouth to curve up, and he squeezed my hand again.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“I’ll survive.” My heart sank a little more until he said, “As long as you forgive me and promise to always be my best friend.”
It was that request that broke through the dark clouds in my world and brought me fully into the final stage of grief. If I were in a Disney movie, flowers would have bloomed and the birds would have started chirping.
Whether it was acceptance or hope or both, I knew that Aiden and I still loved each other. Things might be a little different between us now—no one heals without scars—but we were going to be okay. And if we could make it through this, we’d make it through anything.
Maybe now our relationship would be a healthy one. Maybe now we’d be able to have lives separate from one another and still be a part of each other. Maybe all of this needed to happen.
“I can do that,” I said.
“And you’re never allowed to have a birthday party without me ever again.”
I laughed. “Promise.”
Aiden let out a huge sigh of relief and leaned over to grab me up in a big hug. We held on tight, neither of us wanting to be the first to let go.
“Can you really forgive me?” Aiden asked, his voice thick with emotion.
I sniffled, but laughed at the same time. “I really can. I do.”
“I love you, Aves.”
“I love you too, Aiden.”
As we walked back to the car, I thought about how much my life had changed in the last few months. For the first time in what felt like forever, I was excited by the prospect of my future. With Aiden back, it was like I now had the best of both worlds.
“Are you going to be mad if I keep sitting with Grayson at lunch? It’s the only time I ever see him at school.”
Aiden sighed again, but it was playful. “It’s okay. I get it.”
“I’ll rejoin you guys next year after he graduates,” I promised.
Aiden watched me a minute with a frown on his face.
“What now?”
“I will never get used to the idea of you dating my brother. It’s seriously disgusting. If you guys start making out in front of me all the time, I am going to need therapy.”
I think I turned redder than I ever had before, and I felt a weight settle on my chest. “I think it might be too late for that,” I said, unable to hide my disappointment. “I think Grayson’s given up on me—not that I blame him.”
Aiden rolled his eyes and shook his head. “If that were the case, I’d be able to smell right now. Trust me, Aves, he’s still crazy about you. All you have to do is let him know you like him too.”