The Avery Shaw Experiment

“I’m sorry, Grayson, but I don’t think I’m up for a Valentine’s dance this year. Actually, I’m quite positive I want to forget the holiday entirely.”

I was surprised she turned me down. She’d seemed okay all night. This was the first sign that she was struggling with what happened.

“You sure?” I asked. “I think we could have some fun despite everything with Aiden.”

“I’m sure. Sorry. But I know you won’t have a problem finding another date.”

Sure. If I wanted another date. Which I didn’t.

That was the begi

After that, she stopped coming to my basketball games and said no to hanging out on the weekends no matter what I suggested we do. Pulling the experiment card didn’t even work anymore.

I’d never been more frustrated in my entire life. I got that she’d been through a lot and that she was trying to cope, but I was losing my patience. I could deal with her stupid mood swings and insecurity when she was trying to get past them, but she wasn’t trying anymore. As adorable as I thought the girl was, her wallowing in self-pity was not attractive. Nor was it any fun to be around.

By March, I was so fed up I just stopped trying. For two weeks, I didn’t see or talk to Avery outside of lunch and science club. I had way too much else on my plate anyway. The basketball team had made it all the way to the state championships, so we were holding extra practices. It was also the last week of third term, so all of my classes had major tests that week. It was a cruel twist of fate, really, and it left me absolutely no time or desire to deal with a mopey, depressed, cranky Avery. Especially not when she didn’t want to hang out with me anyway.

I didn’t really have time to think about Avery’s current stage of grief. Depression was something I’d never understood. Anger and guilt made sense, but I’d never felt depression. I didn’t get how someone could just be sad all the time.

I figured that when Avery was ready to get over it, she would. It didn’t occur to me that she might be unable to pull herself out of it until her mom came to my house the morning after the state championship.

We’d lost the game, which was okay—second in the state is still awesome—but it was one of the biggest games of my life, and Avery had blown me off when I asked her to come. I honestly wasn’t in the best mood that morning, and seeing Kaitlin sitting at my breakfast table only reminded me how much Avery’s brush-off had hurt.

Kaitlin and my mom had made up, but she was still really mad at Aiden, so she hadn’t been to the house as much.

I looked around for my mom, but there was nobody home.

“Morning, Kaitlin,” I muttered awkwardly as I went in search of some juice.

“Afternoon,” she corrected. There was a nervousness about her that didn’t make sense.

“What’s up? Where is everyone?”

“Your parents went to Home Depot. Something about re-tiling the upstairs bathroom?”

I rolled my eyes. My parents were obsessed with remodeling. Real Do-It-Yourselfers. A strange hobby, if you ask me, when they could afford to hire someone to do it for them.

“I haven’t seen Aiden,” she added.

Not surprising. “Not many do these days. He’s been pretty pathetic since Avery’s birthday.”

Kaitlin suddenly sent me a desperate look. “I actually came to see you. I’m really worried about Avery.”

“Don’t know what I can do to help,” I grumbled.

Kaitlin’s face fell in disappointment. “I know you’re frustrated, but try not to be too upset with her. Please. I need your help, Grayson.”

She had my attention instantly. She’d been walked out on by her husband when Avery was four. She’d become quite the independent woman since then. Asking for help was something Kaitlin Shaw did not do.

“I know she’s been sad and a little depressed lately, but I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

“It’s more than a little,” Kaitlin whispered. “She sleeps most of the day. She’s losing weight because she’s not eating. She failed her math test this week. Failed! Avery! Several of her teachers have called me, concerned about her. I tried to ask her about it, but she won’t talk to me.”

Kaitlin started to cry. “I think Avery has a serious problem. Libby’s been over a couple times, but nothing seems to work.”

I could hardly believe what Kaitlin was telling me. I’d known Avery was having a hard time, but none of that sounded like her. I couldn’t imagine a world where Avery Shaw failed a test and blew off Libby. I knew she was blowing me off, but I figured that was just because of Aiden. It’s what she did when she felt guilty. I suddenly felt awful for giving up on her.

Kaitlin’s hand came down on top of mine. She was shaking. “Grayson,” she whispered. “Please.”

I was shocked at the swarm of emotions that swept through me right then. I think that one word caused me to go through my own stages of grief all at once. Shock, anger, depression, frustration, and even grim resignation overwhelmed me in mere seconds.

“I tried,” I said. “I tried everything I could think of, but I can’t help her. You should talk to Aiden.” My voice dripped with bitterness.

Kaitlin gave me a heartbroken smile. “Don’t give up on her now. She needs you.”

It actually hurt to hear her say that. It hurt because I wanted it to be true, but it just wasn’t. “She doesn’t want my help! She wants Aiden! She’s always wanted Aiden!” I took a breath. I shouldn’t be yelling at Kaitlin. None of this was her fault.

Kaitlin shook her head furiously. “She loves you. I know she does.”

I suddenly felt like I’d run a marathon. I was tired of trying. Tired of lying to myself and trying to make something true that wasn’t. I couldn’t do it anymore. Not even for Kaitlin. “She loves my brother. He doesn’t deserve her, but if she really needs help, he’s the one she’ll listen to.”

Aiden’s voice startled both Kaitlin and me. “That’s not true.”

He walked into the kitchen looking pale and rumpled. He stuck a bowl and spoon in the sink and then turned to Avery’s mom. “Kaitlin,” he said in a strangled voice. His eyes filled with tears, and he couldn’t get any more words to come out of his mouth, but the “I’m sorry” was obvious.

I think Kaitlin wanted to be mad at him, but she couldn’t do it with him looking so pathetic. “I’ll forgive you if you forgive me,” she said.

Aiden nodded miserably and then blushed as he tried to wipe away the evidence of his tears.

Kaitlin stood and gave Aiden a hug, then said she needed to go. As she walked out the door, she gave me one last pleading look. “Please don’t give up on her. She needs help, Grayson. I’m trying, but no one has ever helped her as much as you did.”

The door clicked shut, and I just sat there at the table, overwhelmed by Kaitlin’s visit. I didn’t want to let her down. If Avery really was that depressed, then I wanted to help, but I just didn’t know what else I could do for her.

Aiden plopped down in a chair across the table from me and met my eyes. “Kaitlin’s right about Avery.”

I was surprised. Aiden and I hadn’t exactly been on speaking terms for the last few months.

“You changed her,” he admitted grudgingly. “At first I was so mad at you for it. One lunch with you and suddenly she looked different. She was hanging out with other people, going to basketball games and parties. It was like I didn’t even recognize her, and I hated you for ruining her.”

I realized I was grinding my teeth when my jaw started to hurt. “If she changed, it was only for the better.”

Aiden looked down at his lap. “I know,” he said quietly. “You can hardly even notice her anxiety anymore. The old Avery never could have gone off on me the way she did on our birthday. She’s stronger because of you. Healthier.”