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Grayson sat there with his hands on the wheel, staring out the windshield. Eventually he lifted his shoulders into a shrug. “Maybe you were never really in love with him.” He turned to face me with a serious look. “What you felt tonight when we almost kissed, before you panicked, have you ever felt that with Aiden?”
I felt my cheeks heat up and looked at my lap. “I’ve never felt anything like that before. I didn’t even know a person could feel like that.”
“That just proves my point,” Grayson said softly. “Aiden was your best friend. You loved him, but you weren’t in love with him.”
“Yes I was! I am!”
Grayson shook his head. “You’re in love with the idea of him, but if you were really in love with him, you never would have gone on a date with me, much less let things go as far as they did.”
We were quiet for a minute, and then Grayson tried a different approach. “Aves, you haven’t done anything wrong. Aiden let you go. You should be able to move on. Even he would want that for you.”
He was trying to make me feel better, but he was having the opposite effect. I started to cry again, so he reached over the center console and took my hand in his. He rubbed his thumb gently over the backs of my knuckles. The touch calmed me down some, which then of course made me feel guilty all over again and I started to cry harder.
“Please just take me home.”
Grayson put the car back in motion. He didn’t say another word as he drove me the last few miles to my house, but he held tight to my hand the entire way. Selfish as I am, I hung onto it, even though I’d basically just rejected him for his brother who had already made it clear he would never want me.
Even though the date ended a complete bust, Grayson, always the gentleman, walked me to my door.
“I’m sorry for losing it on you tonight.”
Grayson tipped my chin up until he could see my eyes. I wasn’t surprised by his understanding smile, but it hurt my heart. I didn’t deserve his understanding.
“Let’s consider it a good thing.”
I frowned. How in the world was this mess I’d made a good thing?
As if reading my mind, Grayson gri
I had to think back and repeat all the stages of grief, even though it should have been obvious. “Guilt!”
Grayson laughed. He stepped forward and dropped a feather light kiss on my cheek. “One step closer to acceptance, Aves.”
He flashed me a beautiful smile and then winked at me as he climbed in his car and drove off.
Grayson
Of all the stages of grief, so far guilt sucks the most. My date with Avery had been perfect. She looked amazing, she faced an insane party for me, and she was even having a good time! She severely dominated my best friend at a game of pool, making me the envy of every guy in the room . . . and then there was that dance.
She said she’d never felt anything like that, but what she doesn’t know is that I hadn’t either. Even with the countless girls I’d danced with, or done a whole lot more with, never in my whole life had I felt a co
Forget my idiot brother. Avery was never meant to be with him. She was supposed to be with me. But, thanks to him, we didn’t kiss that night. In fact the perfect evening ended so disastrous that I was worried she’d never speak to me again.
She didn’t call Saturday or Sunday, and then at school the following week, she really distanced herself. She still sat with me at lunch and didn’t pull away when I put my arm around her or held her hand, but it was different now. It was like she wouldn’t allow herself to feel anything for me, not even friendship. I hated it.
She didn’t come to school on Friday, and then I got another weekend of radio silence. I tried to call her a couple times, but I only got voicemail. When she didn’t show up at lunch Monday, I really started to get worried.
“Maybe I should call her mom,” I said for the umpteenth time. I looked across the table, hoping for some advice from Pamela and Chloe, but they were busy looking over my shoulder with wide incredulous eyes.
Owen and I looked at each other and then turned around at the same time.
Avery’s friend Libby was standing there tapping a foot impatiently with her arms crossed. Her hair was in two buns on the top of her head that had tiny strands of hair sticking out from them in every direction. She was also wearing a giant hot pink t-shirt with a picture of a bored looking cat on it that said, “Do I look like I care about your problems?”
I’d seen this girl before at the science club meetings I was forced to attend every Monday after school, but my friends had never been exposed to the holy little terror, and they clearly didn’t know what to make of her.
When he could hold back no longer, Owen snorted and said, “Nice shirt.”
Libby’s eyes narrowed, and her hands went to her hips. “I make it work,” she said matter-of-factly. She gave her head a little jerk and said, “Heard my girl Avery stomped you so hard in a game of pool last weekend that Grayson had to take pity on you before every college freshman at UVU saw just how small your junk is.”
I burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it. I laughed so hard I cried, and when I got a hold of myself, I realized that everyone at the table was laughing just as hard as I was. “Damn, Grayson!” Owen laughed and had to wipe tears from his eyes. “Where did you dig this chick up? Is she for real?”
“She’s a nerd to be reckoned with, that’s for sure,” I said. “She’s Avery’s best friend. Libby, Owen. Owen, Libby. Never make the mistake of badmouthing cats in front of her. I think she used to be one in a past life.”
We started to laugh again, but then Libby cleared her throat. She sounded more than a little agitated. “Are you coming after school today?”
I stopped laughing. A wave of panic surged through me. The science geeks had promised they’d never rat me out, but who knew how loyal they were? If Libby told these guys where I spent my Monday afternoons, I’d never live it down.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Libby rolled her eyes and said, “Are you going to hang out with Avery after school today?”
At the mention of Avery’s name, I realized Libby must know what happened to her. “Why? Do you know where she is? What’s going on with her? I tried to call her this weekend, but she wouldn’t answer her phone. I was pla
“Relax, lover boy, she’s here. She’s doing a make up math test right now since she missed school on Friday. She’ll be around after school.”
I was relieved, but at the same time I was a little hurt. “Do you know what happened? Why she won’t answer my calls?”
Libby’s face flushed with anger. “Your jerk brother is what happened! She was feeling all crazy guilty after last weekend, so she dragged me to his debate on Thursday.”
Again, I was stung. She hadn’t said a word to me about it. “Why didn’t she ask me to come?”
“Something about not wanting to make Aiden feel bad. She doesn’t want him to think she’s replaced him with you.”
Libby rolled her eyes again as if Avery’s feelings were absurd. It actually helped to know that I had the little firecracker of a geek’s approval.
“Anyway, we went to his debate because she felt bad that she hadn’t talked to him in weeks. She was going on and on about how he’d said they were still friends and that she hadn’t been supportive enough since he got a girlfriend. She was determined to be nice to Mindy and prove that she could be friends with them both.” She snorted. “Please. As if anyone could be friends with that witch.”