Willing Captive

Wrapping his arms tighter around me, he suggests, “You should have a nice warm bath. You do that and I’ll bring you some breakfast.”

Raising my head, I look at him through sleepy eyes. “You do that and I’ll never go home.” And as soon as I say it, I want to eat the words while they’re still in the air. But it’s too late.

Both our faces fall. An awkward silence follows.

I move to roll out of bed, but his hand closes around my wrist. Pulling me back to him, he tucks me into his side and sighs, “We knew it was go

The bridge of my nose tingles and I whisper, “But I like pretending with you.”

He kisses the top of my head and murmurs into my hair, “Me too, baby. Me too.”

***

This morning flew by.

First, Nox started a bath for me. I climbed into said bath and spent around half an hour relaxing my sore muscles. Some of those muscles I didn’t even know I had. Secondly, we ate breakfast together. Today was not an oatmeal kind of day, so I made pancakes and much to Nox’s obvious disgust, I drenched them in butter and syrup before wolfing them down. Mostly without chewing. Thirdly, after my sugar rush, we worked out. Today was a rare occasion where all four of us did our sessions together.

And Boo. Oh, Boo.

The entire time, she kept her eyes on me. Squished face and smiling like a freakin’ dork. It got to me so badly that I threw a padded baton at her.

Talk about awkward.

And lastly, after our session was done, Boo pulled me into her room for the four-one-one on last night. And it went a little something like this:

Bouncing on the spot, she squeaked, “Sooo. How did it go?”

It’s a total bummer on her behalf, after all the time she took explaining things to me, but I have to be honest. “It was awful.”

Her bouncing slowed. Then stopped. Her face bunched in confusion. “What?”

Nodding, I explained, “Yep. Totally sucked. It was bad. Like bad bad. And painful. And seriously awkward.”

Boo’s mouth gaped.

But then I added, “But it was perfect.”

Looking even more confused, she mouthed, “What?”

Smiling, I uttered, “Nox. It didn’t matter how it went. It mattered that it was him. And he was so good to me. So gentle and super sweet. Saying the right things when I needed them to be said. He was so perfect that it didn’t matter how it went. I was with him. So it was perfect.” Looking up at Boo, I smiled a genuinely happy smile, trying to convey just how perfect it was.

Her lips quivered and her eyes misted. She whispered, “That’s awesome, Dee.” Clearing her throat, she added, “It gets better though. Way better. And you get better at it, too.”

Leaning back, I pursed my lips. “Shit, Boo. It couldn’t get worse.”

A bark of laughter burst out of her and I smiled.

…It better get better.

***

Smiling to myself, I all but skip down the hall to Nox’s office. Not bothering to knock, I open the door and step in. Nox stands with his back to me, looking out the window, talking on the cell phone. I hear one side of the conversation.

“No, sir. It’s not that complicated.” Pause. “I understand. I assure you when the time comes, I can let her go.”

My heart skips a beat.

Obviously not having heard me enter, he continues, “She’s just a girl. She’ll get over it. We knew it wouldn’t last anyway. We were stupid to start it.”

My heart shrinks. Then shrivels. Then dies.

My throat thickens. I try to swallow the lump but can’t. My eyes blur with unshed tears.

“Yes, sir. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. It was a moment of weakness and it won’t happen again.”

Oh God. No.

***

Nox

Mitch’s voice sounds into the cell, “Listen, Nox. I know it can be lonely in this life, but you’re better off finding one of your own. I’m not sure if I want you working this anymore. You’re in too deep. I think it might be clouding your judgment. Hell, you took her off site! That isn’t like you.”

I should’ve known he would find out about me and Lily at the beach.

The door to my office opens. I know it’s her. But I need to steer Mitch the other way.

My eyes shut tight and my chest aches as I say, “No, sir. It’s not that complicated.”

Mitch utters, “I hope not. This could cause trouble. I think it already has.”

I force out, “I understand. I assure you when the time comes, I can let her go.”

I almost hear Lily’s heart break when I say, “She’s just a girl. She’ll get over it. We knew it wouldn’t last anyway. We were stupid to start it.”

Mitch pauses a moment, then, “I’m sure you did the best you could, son. I know I can count on you, Nox. You’re one of my best men.”

I choke the urge to roar in anger and mutter, “Yes, sir. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. It was a moment of weakness and it won’t happen again.”

The rage builds inside of me. I feel it trail up my chest as it claws its way into my head.

Mitch finishes with, “I suspect it won’t. Keep me updated.” Then he’s gone.

Head pounding, I clutch the phone tight. Breathing deep, I dip my chin and say, “Come here, baby.”

Her voice hitches, “No.” She chokes out, “You made me believe…I’m so stupid…I believed…”

Turning, I throw down the cell and walk over to her. She holds her hands out, palms up and utters through gritted teeth, “Don’t you touch me. Don’t you fucking touch me.”

I plead, “Baby, listen to me.”

Walking back with her palms up, tears fall down her cheeks. She hisses, “I believed you! Don’t come near me, Nox. You’ve made it clear where we stand.”

Turning on her heel, she tries to escape.

Not a chance of that happening.

Ru

Her body shakes with silent sobs and I rock her side to side, allowing her a moment to get it out. She weakens in my hold and stops fighting. I take this chance to explain, “Knew you were there the whole time, baby. And I never lied to you. I lied to Mitch.”

Lily mutters, “I don’t believe you. You were always going to leave me. You were never going to come back for me.”

There’s so much I want to tell her right now, but I can’t. Swallowing hard, I tell her, “Lily, I swear, I never lied to you. There are things I want to tell you, but I can’t right now. Just please believe me when I say I never lied to you.”

Still hurt by what she heard, she tries to pull free. “No. I don’t have to believe shit!”

Holding her tighter, I lean my head forward, closer to her ear and whisper, “What’s my name, princess?”

She stills in my arms. “Adam.”

I urge, “My full name.”

She whispers, “Adam Christian Taylor.”

“And where was I born?”

Her breath hitches. “White Deer, Texas.”

Planting a kiss to her neck, I ask, “When’s my birthday?”

She chokes on a sob. “March eighteenth.”

Burying my face into her neck, I say, “Know how many people know that information?”

Her answer if a sniffle.

I state, “You. Just you, Lily. You’re the only one I trust with that. Because you’re everything to me.”

Collapsing in my arms, she cries softly. I turn her around and pull her into a hug. I’m immediately relieved when her arms come around me and she squeezes me tight.

“I just heard- I mean, I walked in and--then you said--and I didn’t know--and it hurt so much!” She cries into my chest and I kiss the top of her head.

“I know. And I’m sorry you thought what you thought. But it was Mitch who needed to think what you thought. I heard you come in, baby. I knew you were there the whole time. I still had to do it,” I say as I rub her back.

Feeling protective of my girl, I decide to let her in on one little secret. “Doesn’t matter where you are, baby. I’ll come for you.” She lifts her watery eyes to mine and I state confidently, “I’ll come for you.”