Palo Alto Stories

Mr. B came back out; he didn’t have the helmet on. He sat on the couch and asked if I wanted any of Michael’s candy. I said no.

“You’re a very pretty cat.”

“Why don’t we talk at school anymore?”

“You know why.”

“I know, but you could at least be nice to me. It’s like you don’t even like me anymore.”

“Are you crazy? I’m in love with you, April.”

I told him I had to go, that there was a party that the girls were having and I was late. I stood up, but he stood up too and grabbed my shoulders.

“Listen to me, I love you. Okay? I loveyou. I have just been weird because I didn’t want anything bad to happen. But I don’t care now. I want to be with you. We’ll work it out. You can just come babysit all the time or something.” He laughed a little and tried to get me to laugh by looking into my eyes and squeezing my shoulders. I pushed against him.

“I have to go.”

“April, why? So you can hang around a bunch of little boys? Come on, you’re better than that. Stay here, with me. We’ll just watch a movie, I’m sure there is something scary and stupid on.” I wanted to stay but I was feeling emotional. I pushed his hands away and left.

The next week our soccer team played in the championships. They were a week long at a junior high school called Egan in Los Altos. Mr. B seemed like he wanted to be nice but I stayed away from him and just played. On the last day we lost to Mountain View. When the team came out of the locker room Mr. B asked if anyone wanted a ride home. Shauna and Sandy said they did. He looked at me.

“April? Would you like a ride?” The other girls were looking at me so I said yes. In the car everyone was sad about losing so we didn’t say much. He dropped Sandy off first because she lived in the nice part of town. He told her she had played very well.

When he dropped Shauna off he said, “You’re the best team I’ve ever coached.”

Then we drove. I was in the front seat. He wasn’t driving toward my house but I didn’t say anything. It was getting dark. “April, you really are the best player.” I didn’t say anything. “You want to hear a joke?” I didn’t say anything so he didn’t tell it. I took my cigarettes from my bag and I lit one. He didn’t say anything but he cracked my window.

At his house he parked and told me that Michael was still at day care. He got out, and after a second I got out. Inside, he got me some water from the kitchen but I didn’t drink it. I just kissed him. I did it hard because I was angry with him and sad because of the game. And sad because soccer was over and it was the thing I knew how to do best. We went to the couch. I was wearing sweats and he undressed me and got a condom and I lay on my back and we did it, simple. And then it was over. I was fourteen. We got dressed and he drove me home. At my house I saw the Smarties from Halloween on my desk. I undid the plastic wrapper and ground each one into powder.

For the rest of the year, I went to Mr. B’s all the time. Sometimes to babysit and sometimes not. We’d sit in his living room, in the dark, and watch TV. Most Saturdays we’d watch Saturday Night Live,and weekdays we’d watch reruns of Cheers.He had a good body, good hair, and a nice smile. He was fu

The next year I went to high school at Paly but I still went to Mr. B’s all the time. My parents thought I was babysitting. I would tell Mr. B that I loved him and he would tell me. My sister was the only one who knew. She said it was okay as long as we were in love.

After everything had been going on with Mr. B for almost two years, I went to a party one night. I usually didn’t go to parties because I spent so much time with Mr. B. I went with Shauna and Alice. They were my only friends and that was only because I saw them at soccer.

When we got to the house everyone was sitting around the living room; some were on the couch and some were

on the carpet. The carpet was beige and so was the couch, and the walls were dark wood paneling. Everyone was being pretty quiet. The girls and I went to the kitchen and got some beers from some junior guys, De

Back in the main room, someone put on Menace II Society,so then everyone was sitting around the floor watching the big brown TV on the beige carpet. The movie was stupid. It tried too hard. It was trying to show a tough kind of life, but also be cool about it. There were shootings and sex and car jackings and everyone was too tough to care. I watched for an hour and drank three beers. After an hour I went outside to smoke.

Teddy was out there. There were a few other people off in the dark. I hadn’t talked to him in a while because he was in the smart classes. I pulled out my pack of Reds, but it was empty. I asked Teddy for a cigarette. Teddy handed me a Camel Light. I lit it with my black lighter and tasted the difference. I saw Teddy’s reflection and my reflection in the sliding glass door, and behind the reflections was everyone else inside, watching the movie.

“That’s a stupid movie,” I said. Teddy laughed and I could tell he was drunk. He asked me why I thought it was stupid. “Because,”I said. “We know the ghetto is bad, that’s why it’s the ghetto,but that movie is making it look cool. Like Ivan and all those guys are getting all excited about O-Dog because he shoots i

Teddy laughed again, then he said, “I like the part when the crack addict guy says, ‘I’ll suck ya dick.’”

“You like thatpart?”

“Yeah, it’s fu

“I guess,” I said.

“And then O-Dog shoots the guy. He thinks the offer somehow makes himgay. And it’s like the movie is saying gay people are the worst kind of people. Like even if everyone is living in a ghetto and it’s hell, the gay person is the worst. Like a man sucking a dick is the most desperate you could get.”

“Maybe,” I said. “But why the hell would that make you like that scene?”

“I just mean I think it’s fu

“I just think it’s a stupid movie,” I said. “I think most movies and TV shows and video games are stupid.”

“Okay,” he said, and sucked his cigarette hard and then let out a big thing of smoke.

“You’re crazy, right?” he said through the smoke. I said I wasn’t and he said that I was.

“Why do you think I’m crazy?” I said.

He took another drag and said, “Because you don’t care about anything.”

“I docare,” I said. “I care too much, but it never works. Like now—I’m trying to be here, I’m trying to do things. But it doesn’t work, I can’t find anything, so maybe that’s what makes me crazy.”

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing. I think youdon’t care about anything, Teddy, not me.”

“I care about you,” he said quietly, then he looked at me from the side of his face.

“Oh, shut up,” I said. “You hardly even see me.”

“Well I wish I did. I try to call you all the time, but you’re always gone.”

“I have soccer and shit,” I said.

“I love you,” he said. I laughed because he was drunk. But I could also tell that he was a little serious. I looked right at him and it was in that moment I knew it meant nothing to say that. I got very quiet and looked away and we sat staring at our reflections. Then I said, “You remember that night in eighth grade, after Shauna’s bat mitzvah, we went to Gu