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112
Colby
She kisses me. Softly. Slowly. It tastes like sadness. I wonder if all good-bye kisses taste that way.
Then she answers my question in an odd way. “Going to live with my family is what I have to do. What I want doesn’t matter.”
“Lauren, don’t you see? What you want matters most of all. You don’t have to.”
She changes the subject. “I’m sorry to break our date tomorrow night.”
I sigh. “Well, I did it to you first. I guess we’re even now.”
She’s still holding my hand as she leads me to the door. “Thank you for the gifts. I’ll paint the birds and send them to you. You can hang it in your locker.” She tries to lighten the mood. “All the guys will be so jealous.”
I reach out and hug her again. “I don’t want to go,” I whisper into her hair.
She pulls away. “You have a game to play, Number Twenty. The whole town is counting on you.”
“Be
“Oh my gosh, that’s awesome!” she says. “See, you won’t miss me tomorrow night. You two will be up at Murphy’s Hill. Just like old times.”
I stare at her. “Lauren. I’m going to miss you. More than you know.”
She bites her lip. Looks at the floor for a moment before she finally says, “You should really go.”
“Stay in touch?” I ask.
She nods. “Absolutely.”
“You promise?”
She holds up her hand, like she’s swearing. “I promise.”
It makes me think of my promise to Be
113
Lauren
114
Colby
I keep hearing the words I said to Lauren.
What you want matters most of all.
How can I be such a hypocrite? Telling her that, and yet not believing it for myself?