Eleanor & Park

which his dad made sure everybody noticed.

Park’s sixteenth birthday had come and gone, and he didn’t even care anymore about getting his license and driving himself to school. He wasn’t going to give up his only guaranteed time with Eleanor.

She’d already told him that as awesome as last night was – and they both agreed it was awesome – she couldn’t risk sneaking out again.

‘Any one of my siblings could have woken up, they still could, and they would definitely tell on me. They have very confused allegiances.’

‘But if you’re quiet …’

That’s when she’d told him that, most nights, she shared a room with all of her brothers and sisters. All of them. A room about the size of his, she said, ‘minus the waterbed.’

They were sitting against the back door of the school, in a little alcove where no one would see them unless they were really looking, and where the snow didn’t fall directly on their faces. They sat next to each other, facing each other, holding hands.

There was nothing between them now. Nothing stupid and selfish just taking up space.

‘So you have two brothers and two sisters?’

‘Three brothers, one sister.’

‘What are their names?’

‘Why?’

‘I’m just curious,’ he said. ‘Is it classified?’

She sighed. ‘Ben, Maisie …’

‘Maisie?’

‘Yeah. Then Mouse – Jeremiah. He’s five.

Then the baby. Little Richie.’

Park laughed. ‘You call him “Little Richie”?’

‘Well, his dad is Big Richie, not that he’s very big either …’

‘I know, but like Little Richard? “Tutti-Frutti”?’

‘Oh my God, I never thought of that. Why haven’t I ever thought of that?’

He pulled her hands to his chest. He still hadn’t managed to touch Eleanor anywhere below the chin or above the elbow. He didn’t think she’d necessarily stop him if he tried, but what if she did? That’d be awful. Anyway, her hands and her face were excellent.

‘Do you guys get along?’

‘Sometimes … They’re all crazy.’

‘How can a five-year-old be crazy?’

‘Oh my God, Mouse? He’s the craziest of them all. He’s always got a hammer or a jackrab-bit or something stuck in his back pocket, and he refuses to wear a shirt.’

Park laughed. ‘How is Maisie crazy?’

‘Well, she’s mean. For starters. And she fights like a street person. Like, take-off-your-earrings fights.’

‘How old is she?’

‘Eight. No, nine.’

‘What about Ben?’

‘Ben …’ She looked away. ‘You’ve seen Ben. He’s almost Josh’s age. He needs a haircut.’

‘Does Richie hate them, too?’

Eleanor pushed Park’s hands forward. ‘Why do you want to talk about this?’

He pushed back. ‘ Because. It’s your life. Because I’m interested. It’s like you’ve got all these weird barriers set up, like you only want me to have access to this tiny part of you …’

‘Yes,’ she said, crossing her arms. ‘Barriers.

Caution tape. I’m doing you a favor.’

‘Don’t,’ he said. ‘I can handle it.’ He put his thumb between her eyebrows and tried to smooth out the frown. ‘This whole stupid fight was about keeping secrets.’

‘Keeping secrets about your demonic ex-girlfriend. I don’t have any demonic ex-anythings.’

‘Does Richie hate your brothers and sister, too?’

‘Stop saying his name.’ She was whispering.

‘I’m sorry.’ Park whispered back.

‘He hates everybody, I think.’

‘Not your mom.’

‘Especially her.’

‘Is he mean to her?’

Eleanor rolled her eyes and wiped her cheek with her sweater sleeve. ‘Uh. Yeah.’

Park took her hands again. ‘Why doesn’t she leave?’

She shook her head. ‘I don’t think she can …

I don’t think there’s enough of her left.’

‘Is she scared of him?’ he asked.

‘Yeah …’

‘Are you scared of him?’

‘Me?’

‘I know you’re scared of getting kicked out, but are you scared of him?’

‘No.’ She lifted up her chin. ‘No … I just have to lay low, you know? Like as long as I stay out of his way, I’m fine. I just have to be invisible.’

Park smiled.

‘What?’ she asked.

‘You. Invisible.’

She smiled. He let go of her hands and held her face. Her cheeks were cold, and her eyes were fathomless in the dark.

She was all he could see.

Eventually it was too cold to stay out there. Even the insides of their mouths were freezing. Eleanor

Richie said Eleanor had to come out of her room for Christmas di

Di

They had turkey with stuffing, and mashed potatoes swimming with dill and butter. For dessert there was rice pudding and pepper cookies, which her mom only ever made on Christmas.

At least that had been the rule back when her mom used to make all kinds of cookies, all year long. The little kids didn’t know what they were missing now. When Eleanor and Ben were little, their mom baked constantly. There were always fresh cookies in the kitchen when Eleanor got home from school. And real breakfast every morning … Eggs and bacon, or pancakes and sausage, or oatmeal with cream and brown sugar.

Eleanor used to think that that was why she was so fat. But look at her now, she was starving all the time, and she was still enormous.

They all tore into Christmas di

Richie had been drinking all day again, so he was all kinds of festive at di

Which he did, as soon as he realized there was no pumpkin pie.

‘What the fuck is this?’ he said, flicking his spoon in the ris ala mande.

‘It’s rice pudding,’ Ben said, stupid with turkey.

‘I know it’s pudding,’ Richie said. ‘Where’s the pumpkin pie, Sabrina?’ he shouted into the kitchen. ‘I told you to make a real Christmas di

Her mother stood in the doorway to the kitchen. She still hadn’t sat down to eat. ‘It’s …’

It’s a traditional Danish Christmas dessert, Eleanor thought. My grandmother made it, and her grandmother made it, and it’s better than pumpkin pie. It’s special.

‘It’s … just that I forgot to buy pumpkin,’ her mother said.

‘How could you forget the fucking pumpkin on Christmas,’ Richie said, hurling the stainless-steel bowl of rice pudding. It hit the wall near her mother and sprayed weepy chunks everywhere.

Everyone but Richie stayed still.

He stood up unsteadily from his chair. ‘I’m going to go buy some pumpkin pie … so this family can have a real fucking Christmas di

He walked to the back door.

As soon as they heard his truck tear out, Eleanor’s mom picked up the bowl with what was left of the rice pudding, then skimmed the top off the pile of pudding on the floor.

‘Who wants cherry sauce?’ she said.

They all did.

Eleanor cleaned up the rest of the pudding, and Ben turned on the TV. They watched The Grinch and Frosty the Snowman, and A Christmas Carol.

Their mom even sat down to watch with them.

Eleanor couldn’t help but think that if the Ghost of Christmas Past showed up, he’d be disgusted with their whole situation. But Eleanor felt full and happy when she fell asleep.

CHAPTER 34 Eleanor

Park’s mom didn’t seem surprised to see Eleanor the next day. He must have warned them she was coming.

‘Eleanor,’ his mom said extra nicely, ‘Merry Christmas, come in.’

When Eleanor walked into the living room, Park had just gotten out of the shower, which was embarrassing for some reason. His hair was wet and his T-shirt was kind of sticking to him. He was really happy to see her. That was obvious.