You Against Me

‘Um, he’s OK.’

‘Tell him we’re thinking of him. Tell him Lily, Alice and Caitlin send their love.’

‘OK, thanks. I’ll tell him.’

A strained stillness enveloped the tutor room as she went in, and all eyes turned to her as she made her way to her place. Conor Lockhead, the class prat, came straight over and sat on the edge of her desk.

‘Hey,’ he said. ‘Is it true your brother raped a girl?’

Ellie chose to ignore him and slunk into her seat.

‘Is he in prison?’ Conor said.

‘No.’

‘So, he didn’t do it?’

‘He didn’t do it.’

‘Is he back at college?’

‘He’s not allowed back yet.’

Conor looked confused. ‘I thought you said he didn’t do it.’

‘He didn’t. Listen, I’m not supposed to talk about it.’

She got out a pen and paper and kept her eyes firmly fixed on them. She began to doodle a tree with many sprouting heads, all teeth and snarl. She wished she had a friend, someone to sit next to, keeping her safe.

Mr Donal came in, coughing, saw Ellie and smiled. ‘Welcome back.’

And that’s all he said. He had a stack of sheets with him, handed them out swiftly, and soon they were all occupied with filling in questio

First to approach her in Maths was Da

He said, ‘Sorry to hear about your brother.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Has he got a court date?’

She shook her head, knew it made her look sullen, but she couldn’t speak, could barely look at him. This hadn’t been her idea of the next conversation they’d have.

‘Well, best of luck with it all.’

He walked away and it was like passing a baton, because before she’d even stopped blushing, a friend of Karyn’s strode up.

‘You’re the talk of the school,’ she said.

‘Me, or my brother?’

‘Well, since he’s not here, I guess I mean you.’

Ellie stared down at her Maths book, prayed for the teacher to hurry up and tried to concentrate on saying very little.

The girl leaned forward. ‘Karyn won’t see anyone, she’s locked herself in her flat and never goes out. You tell your brother that.’

‘I’m not allowed to talk about this.’

The girl ignored her. ‘We text her, but she won’t see us. None of us. Not even Stacey.’

‘I’m sorry, but I have nothing to say.’

‘Do you feel guilty?’

Heat crept from Ellie’s neck to her face. ‘Why would I?’

‘Well, if I was the only other person in a house when someone got raped, I’d feel pretty guilty.’

It was a total relief when Ms Farish arrived and the lesson began. On her worksheet, Ellie wrote out formulae. In her head, she tried to remember, like a series of photos, the sequence of things – Karyn and Stacey and three boys turned up at the house with Tom. It was Saturday night and Mum and Dad were away. Ellie went upstairs. Later, she looked out of her window and saw Tom and Karyn with their arms round each other. Even later, she saw them kiss on the landing outside her bedroom door. She watched Tom’s hand creep down Karyn’s back. She watched Karyn lift one of her strappy heels from the floor and press herself closer to him. No one knew Ellie saw that kiss, no one in the world. If Tom liked Karyn, and she liked him back, why would he hurt her? Why would he take something when Karyn was going to give it for free?

English followed Maths and was the last lesson before break. Kids who hadn’t seen her yet either insisted on asking questions, or kept quiet and shot daggers with their eyes. Maybe when everyone had seen her once and decided what their response was, they’d get back to what they usually did and ignore her.

At break, the corridor wasn’t as bad as she’d imagined. No one pushed her, no one thumped her or slammed her against the lockers. When she went to the toilet, the only other girl in there merely gri

Ellie started to relax. It wasn’t so bad. Far worse to be Karyn – stuck in her flat avoiding everyone. She probably wished she hadn’t started all this, and that Tom was her boyfriend instead of her enemy.

So when Ellie saw Stacey and her mate sitting on a bench under the trees, she knew what she had to do. She felt brave and certain as she walked up and stood in front of them. They both stared up at her in total disbelief. But it was too late now.

She said, ‘How’s Karyn?’

Stacey shook her head slowly. ‘Are you talking to me?’

‘I was wondering how Karyn was.’

‘Piss off.’

‘I met you when you came round my house that night, do you remember? I know you’re her friend and I didn’t want to ignore you – it felt important.’

‘Important?’ Stacey’s lips curled as if something tasted bad in her mouth.

‘Yes.’ Ellie knew she was blushing, hated how hot she felt. ‘Someone told me she’s not leaving her flat any more.’

Stacey stood up and took a step towards Ellie. She had thin lips and pale skin. Her eyes were brown. Ellie had never known any of these things about her before. ‘If I got nut‑job texts from your brother, I’d be too scared to go out.’

‘He’s not allowed to text her.’

‘I’m talking before,  when she told him she was going to the cops.’

Ellie shook her head. She had no clue what Stacey was talking about. ‘How is she now?  That’s what I’m asking.’

Stacey took another step forward. ‘She won’t leave the flat, she won’t see her friends, she won’t come to school. She’s having a total breakdown. Satisfied?’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Why, what did you do?’

‘Nothing. I’m sorry, that’s all. Could you please tell her I’m sorry?’

‘You think she gives a crap how you feel?’

Ellie could feel humiliation burning her face, down her neck to her chest. Even her fingers burned with shame. She turned away.

But Stacey grabbed her sleeve. ‘Don’t walk away from me!’

Ellie yanked her arm free and tried to push past them, but Stacey and her mate separated and came round on either side of her, backing her towards the fence. It was a perfect manoeuvre, like something rehearsed. They stood in front of Ellie, blocking her way. She tried to stare them out, but it was difficult to focus – the playground appeared to tilt behind them.

Stacey said, ‘Why did you tell the cops you never saw anything?’

‘Because I didn’t.’

‘How can that be true?’

Both girls looked her up and down. Ellie tried to push past, but they pushed her back. She stumbled, nearly fell.

Stacey said, ‘Where were you all night?’

‘Asleep.’

The mate said, ‘Yeah, course you were.’

People were begi

No, Ellie didn’t want this. With people looking she’d have to do something, say something. She’d look stupid if she didn’t defend herself. Or guilty.

She tried to break free again. ‘Let me go.’

Stacey shoved her back. ‘Or what? What you go

She was blaring it out. The boys jogged over. Stacey’s eyes glittered as she turned to them. ‘She was threatening me, did you get that?’

Ellie felt a shift in her belly as more kids came ru

‘Let me go.’

‘Why should I?’

‘Because I haven’t done anything to you.’

‘You’re his lying sister, aren’t you?’

And that’s when Ellie felt anger, like liquid rising. ‘And what are you, Stacey? What’s the name for someone who dumps their best friend so they can go home with a boy?’