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‘Maybe she’s dead,’ Holly said, her voice quivering.
‘She’s not.’
‘She might be. You don’t know.’
‘I know everything, and she’s not dead, OK?’
He left a message, told her to ring and let me know where you are and when you’re coming back. Told her to do it soon, please.
‘That should do it,’ Holly said, like he could sort the world out that easily.
He turned to her, could just make out the shine of her eyes on the pillow beside him. ‘In five minutes,’ he said, ‘we’ll get up. Until then, you’re only allowed to think about nice things.’
‘OK.’ She craned her head to see the clock. ‘Can I think about football?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’ll do the alphabet game. I’m going to start with Ossie Ardiles, then Dimitar Berbatov, then Clemence, then Defoe.’
‘Great. Can you do it inside your head though?’
She lay there, her whole body flexing with thought. He could almost hear the calculations. And while she did that, he listened to his messages. Sie
Mikey sank back into the pillow and wondered if his life could actually get any worse – Karyn assaulted, the bloke who did it still unpunished, Mum missing and now pressure from women and mates. He closed his eyes and tried to distract himself by thinking about London. He’d work in a hotel. He’d wear a full set of chef’s whites and have proper equipment – ramekin dishes, loose‑based flan tins and specialist knives. He’d probably have other things too, things he didn’t even know existed.
Holly got stuck. He could feel it in her body, as if breathing was suddenly difficult to do. She turned to him. ‘Maybe Mum got hit by a car.’
‘She didn’t.’
‘Or she went in a boat and it sank.’
‘She didn’t do that either.’
‘Or a plane fell on her head.’
He told her to stop talking rubbish and get ready for school, she was already late. Then he took his phone to the bathroom and tried Mum again. Still no answer. He texted Jacko. He texted Sie
He stared in the mirror as he pissed. He looked angry. He washed his face with cold water, then brushed his teeth. The toothpaste had nearly run out and he added that to the list in his head.
When he came out of the bathroom, Holly was on the landing eating a packet of crisps. She was still in her pyjamas.
‘What are you doing?’
‘My clothes are in the bedroom and Karyn won’t let me in. I knocked, but she won’t answer.’ Holly stuffed another crisp in her mouth. ‘She’s probably dead too.’
‘Oh for God’s sake!’ Mikey rapped on the door.
He checked the time. School started at nine, which meant they only had five minutes to get there. They wrote your name down in a book if you were late.
He turned to Holly. ‘How much do you need the stuff that’s in there?’
‘A lot.’
He did a comedy knock to cheer himself up. Tappity tap, tap, tap. Then a police knock. Wham, wham, with a closed fist. He tried to sound like he meant it, but Karyn wasn’t shifting.
‘You could kick it down,’ Holly said. ‘You’re allowed to do that in emergencies.’
He smiled at her. She smiled back. He’d forgotten how beautiful her smile was and because he didn’t want it to fade, he tried Open sesame and Abracadabra! from the stories she liked. Then he pretended to be a wolf who could blow the door down.
‘Let me in, let me in, by the hair on my chi
It kept Holly smiling. But it made no difference to Karyn.
He leaned in, breathing on the paintwork. ‘Please, Karyn, talk to me.’
He told her he was her big brother and she should trust him, that he’d do anything to help her if only she’d open the door.
Holly hopped from one foot to the other and gave him the thumbs‑up as Karyn dragged a chair from under the handle. It was hot in the room and stuffy. Karyn slung herself on the bottom bunk, face down, her head hidden in pillows. She still had her tracksuit on. She’d been wearing it for days, had obviously started sleeping in it as well.
Holly marched straight over. ‘Why did you lock me out?’ She nudged at her sister with a bare foot. ‘It’s my room too. Just because something bad happened to you doesn’t mean you can do what you like.’
Karyn rolled over. She looked startled, like someone blinking into light after hours shut in the dark. ‘What did you just say?’
Mikey intervened. ‘All right, all right! Holly, get your stuff and go and get dressed.’
Holly gave Karyn a final shove, then picked up two school shirts from a pile of dirty washing on the floor and sniffed them. ‘They’re smelly.’
Mikey grabbed them from her and sniffed them too, checked them for dirt and passed the cleanest one back. He added washing powder to the list in his head.
Holly walked really slowly to the door, where she stopped, her hand on the door handle.
‘Get dressed, Holly!’
He knew she hated him shouting, but it made her speed up. She stuck her tongue out, slammed the door, thumped all the way down the hallway to the bathroom and slammed that door for good measure.
Mikey pulled a chair up next to the bed and sat down. ‘So, what’s up?’
Karyn looked at him, her face smeary with tears. ‘Mum’s gone.’
‘Yeah, I’m sorry.’
‘It’s me, isn’t it? I’m freaking her out.’
‘You know what she’s like – it doesn’t take much to frighten her off.’
‘It’s definitely me. She’s been drinking more since this happened, have you noticed? And sleeping loads.’
Behind her, through the window, he could see grass, litter, other flats. Weird to think that people with other lives were still under their duvets, pressing the snooze buttons on their alarm clocks and snuggling under for a few more minutes’ escape.
Karyn ran a hand across her face, wiping away fresh tears. ‘I’m trying to help as much as I used to, but I can’t seem to hold it together. Holly wanted her hair plaited just now and my hands were shaking so much, I couldn’t do it. How lame is that? I only shut her out so she didn’t see me upset.’
He checked his phone. No messages. Maybe he’d go round to Sie
‘You don’t want to listen to me, do you?’ Karyn said.
‘I don’t mind.’
‘You’re bored, I know you are.’ She pulled her knees up and hugged them. ‘Sometimes, I wonder if you even believe me.’
‘I’m going to get him for you, aren’t I?’
‘So you keep saying. Whacking him doesn’t prove anything though.’
‘It proves he can’t mess with us.’
Holly came back in and sat on the rug. ‘What’s going on?’
Mikey turned to her. ‘Holly, what the hell are you wearing?’
‘The other stuff was stinky.’
‘You can’t wear your Tottenham kit to school.’
‘School’s shut. They just said so on TV.’
He laughed. Holly laughed with him.
Karyn stared at him with dark eyes. ‘If you beat him up, you’re going to get in trouble. How does that help anyone?’
He gave her a look that was supposed to tell her she shouldn’t be talking about this in front of Holly. An eight‑year‑old would never keep her mouth shut. He was angry now, could feel it building inside him.
Holly blinked up at him, puzzled. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘Nothing. It doesn’t matter.’
‘But I want to know.’
‘Please,’ Mikey said, ‘go and get dressed properly.’ He rubbed the back of his neck. He was begi