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“Everyone thinks you’re a fucking hero,” the kid said, and this time, it bit a little. Miller shook his head.
“Nah,” he said. “Just a guy who used to be a cop.”
Why should going into a firefight, charging into an enemy station filled with people and automatic systems built to kill you, seem less frightening than talking to people who you shipped with for weeks?
And still.
It was third shift, and the bar at the observation platform was set to imitate night. The air was scented with something smoky that wasn’t smoke. A piano and bass dueled lazily with each other while a man’s voice lamented in Arabic. Dim lights glowed at the bases of the tables, casting soft shadows up across faces and bodies, emphasizing the customers’ legs and bellies and breasts. The shipyards beyond the windows were busy as always. If he went close, he could pick out the Rocinante,still recovering from its wounds. Not dead, and being made stronger.
Amos and Naomi were at a table in a corner. No sign of Alex. No sign of Holden. That made it easier. Not easy, but closer. He made his way toward them. Naomi saw him first, and Miller read the discomfort in her expression, covered over as quickly as it appeared. Amos turned to see what she’d been reacting to, and the corners of his mouth and eyes didn’t shift into a frown or a smile. Miller scratched his arm even though it didn’t itch.
“Hey,” he said. “Buy you folks a round?”
The silence lasted a beat longer than it should have, and then Naomi forced a smile.
“Sure. Just one. We’ve gotc that thing. For the captain.”
“Oh yeah,” Amos said, lying even more awkwardly than Naomi had, making his awareness of the fact part of the message. “The thing. That’s important.”
Miller sat, lifted a hand for the waiter to see, and, when the man nodded, leaned forward with his elbows on the table. It was the seated version of a fighter’s crouch, bent forward with his arms protecting the soft places in his neck and belly. It was the way a man stood when he expected injury.
The waiter came, and then beers all around. Miller paid for them with the OPA’s money and took a sip.
“How’s the ship?” he asked at last.
“Coming together,” Naomi said. “They really banged the hell out of her.”
“She’ll still fly,” Amos said. “She’s one tough bitch.”
“That’s good. When—” Miller said, then tripped on his words and had to start again. “When are you folks shipping out?”
“Whenever the captain says,” Amos said with a shrug. “We’re airtight now, so could go tomorrow, if he’s got someplace he wants to be.”
“And if Fred lets us,” Naomi said, and then grimaced like she wished she’d kept silent.
“That an issue?” Miller asked. “Is the OPA leaning on Holden?”
“It’s just something I was thinking about,” Naomi said. “It’s nothing. Look, thanks for the drink, Miller. But I really think we’d better be going.”
Miller took a long breath and let it out slow.
“Yeah,” he said. “Okay.”
“You head out,” Amos said to Naomi. “I’ll catch up.”
Naomi shot a confused look at the big man, but Amos only gave back a smile. It could have meant anything.
“Okay,” Naomi said. “But don’t be long, okay? The thing.”
“For the captain,” Amos said. “No worries.”
Naomi rose and walked away. Her effort not to look back over her shoulder was visible. Miller looked at Amos. The lights gave the mechanic a slightly demonic appearance.
“Naomi’s a good person,” Amos said. “I like her, you know? Like my kid sister, only smart and I’d do her if she let me. You know?”
“Yeah,” Miller said. “I like her too.”
“She’s not like us,” Amos said, and the warmth and humor were gone.
“That’s why I like her,” Miller said. It was the right thing to say. Amos nodded.
“So here’s the thing. As far as the captain goes, you’re dipped in shit right now.”
The scrim of bubbles where his beer touched the glass glowed white in the dim light. Miller gave the glass a quarter turn, watching them closely.
“Because I killed someone who needed it?” Miller asked. The bitterness in his voice wasn’t surprising, but it was deeper than he’d intended. Amos didn’t hear it or else didn’t care.
“Because you’ve got a habit of that,” Amos said. “Cap’n’s not like that. Killing people without talking it over first makes him jumpy. You did a lot of it on Eros, butc you know.”
“Yeah,” Miller said.
“Thoth Station wasn’t Eros. Next place we go won’t be Eros either. Holden doesn’t want you around.”
“And the rest of you?” Miller asked.
“We don’t want you around either,” Amos said. His voice wasn’t hard or gentle. He was talking about the gauge of a machine part. He was talking about anything. The words hit Miller in the belly, just where he’d expected it. He couldn’t have blocked them.
“Here’s the thing,” Amos went on. “You and me, we’re a lot the same. Been around. I know what I am, and my moral compass? I’ll tell you, it’s fucked. A few things fell different when I was a kid. I could have been those ass-bandits on Thoth. I know that. Captain couldn’t have been. It’s not in him. He’s as close to righteous as anyone out here gets. And when he says you’re out, that’s just the way it is, because the way I figure it, he’s probably right. Sure as hell has a better chance than I do.”
“Okay,” Miller said.
“Yeah,” Amos said. He finished his beer. Then he finished Naomi’s. And then he walked away, leaving Miller to himself and his empty gut. Outside, the Nauvoofa
Beside him, Julie Mao leaned on the table, just where Amos had been.
So,she said. Looks like it’s just you and me now.
“Looks like,” he said.
Chapter Forty-Three: Holden
ATycho worker in blue coveralls and a welding mask sealed up the hole in one of the galley bulkheads. Holden watched with his hand shielding his eyes from the harsh blue glare of the torch. When the plate steel was secured in place, the welder flipped her mask up to check the bead. She had blue eyes and a small mouth in a heart-shaped pixie face and a mop of red hair pulled into a bun. Her name was Sam, and she was the team leader on the Rocinanterepair project. Amos had been chasing her for two weeks now with no success. Holden was glad, because the pixie had turned out to be one of the best mechanics he’d ever met, and he’d hate for her to focus on anything other than his ship.
“It’s perfect,” he said to her as she ran one gloved hand over the cooling metal.
“It’s okay,” she said with a shrug. “We’ll grind this down smooth enough, paint it nice, then you’ll never even know your ship had a boo-boo.” She had a surprisingly deep voice that contrasted with her looks and her habit of using mockingly childlike phrases. Holden guessed that her appearance combined with her chosen profession had led to a lot of people underestimating her in the past. He didn’t want to make that mistake.
“You’ve done amazing work, Sam,” he said. He guessed Sam was short for something, but he’d never asked and she’d never volunteered. “I keep telling Fred how happy we are to have you in charge of this job.”
“Maybe I’ll get a gold star in my next report card,” she said while she put her torch away and stood up. Holden tried to think of something to say to that and failed.
“Sorry,” she said, turning to face him. “I appreciate your praise to the boss. And to be honest, it’s been a lot of fun working on your little girl. She’s quite a ship. The beating she took would have blown anything we own into scrap.”
“It was a close thing, even for us,” Holden replied.
Sam nodded, then began putting the rest of her gear away. As she worked, Naomi climbed down the crew ladder from the upper decks, her gray coveralls hung with electrician’s tools.