Sword and Scimitar

I le stood outside the gate and stared at the brass knocker before him. He had been standing there for a little while in the thin light of dawn. A patrol of soldiers had passed him, with a curious glance, before continuing on their way, not willing to question a knight of the Order. Thomas breathed deeply, resolved in what he would do blit unsure of the words he would use, and fearful of the ma

He grasped the knocker and rapped it twice.

There was a short delay before he heard a door opening, muttering, and the patter of footsteps on cobbles and then the sound of the bolt being drawn back. The door opened just wide enough for a face to look out and Thomas recognised the maid who had accompanied Maria at St Elmo.

‘The master isn’t here,’ she said.

‘I know. I have come to see Lady Maria.’

The maid looked surprised. Then she shook her head. ‘No one comes to see my lady.’

‘I have. Please tell her that Sir Thomas Barrett is at her gate. Say that he begs a moment of her time and nothing more.’

The maid cocked an eyebrow and closed the door. The bolt slid back and her footsteps retreated towards the house. Despite his desire to control his feelings, Thomas felt his heartbeat quicken and a clamminess in the palms of his hands as he waited. When the bolt was drawn back again he was startled; he had not heard any footfall. The door opened and there was Maria. She wore an indigo gown and her long hair was tied back. Bare feet showed beneath the hem of the gown, an inch from the ground. She stared at him for a moment, without expression, and he feared that she might simply turn him away. But then the door opened wider and she stepped to one side.

‘Please, enter.’

Thomas crossed the threshold and Maria closed the door behind him. He looked round briefly and saw that the courtyard was no more than a small square in front of the house. But it was filled with potted plants and hanging baskets where flowers of every shape and colour waited to gleam in the full light of the coming day. To one side was a long, low seat, shaded by a trellis upon which bougainvillea had been trained. He looked at Maria again and saw a hint of a smile at the corners of her mouth before she turned to the maid. ‘Lucia, leave us. Sir Oliver’s boots need polishing. See to it.’

The maid bowed her head and primly hurried back up the small flight of steps into the house. Maria turned to Thomas and gestured towards the seat. They sat down at either end, leaving a gap of perhaps a yard of rich velvet cushion between them.

‘Why did you not wait for me in the chapel at St Elmo?’ Thomas asked gently.

She stared at him for a moment before replying hesitantly, ‘I had time to think, and I became afraid.’

‘Afraid? Of me?’

She shook her head. ‘Of course not.’

‘Then who? Sir Oliver?’

‘No.’ She tore her gaze away from him and looked at her hands, neatly folded in her lap. ‘I was afraid of what I might do. That I might behave in a way I would regret.’

‘What do you mean, Maria?’

She looked up again. ‘You are not a fool, Thomas. You know precisely what I mean. And I know that you still feel for me as you did all those years ago. I could see it in your eyes, in your expression.’

Thomas nodded. ‘And you? Do you feel the same?’

‘Why should I after all that you caused to happen to me?’ Her voice was suddenly cold and hard-edged. ‘Before I met you I was destined to marry into one of the great houses of Sardinia. I would have had a palace and wanted for nothing. But then you stole my heart. I was publicly shamed and cast aside by my own family. I lost them, you and my child, and would have spent the rest of my days confined in a nu

‘Why?’

‘For the fact that I am here before you, and that you do not have more to trouble your conscience than you do.’

Her words struck deep into his heart and he glanced down at his hands lying limply in his lap. There was a silence between them that stretched out unbearably in the close warmth of the Maltese night before Thomas spoke again. ‘I would give anything to have my time again and put right the grievous wrong I have done you.’

‘But we ca

He looked up quickly. ‘Then what would you have me do to make amends?’

‘It has gone beyond making amends, Thomas,’ she said sadly. ‘There is only living with the consequences left to us now.’

He swallowed. ‘I understand. Then I should leave you be.’

As he made to rise, Maria quickly reached across to lay a restraining hand on his arm. ‘You give in so soon? What has happened to the fearless knight I once knew?’

‘Why should I stay?’ Thomas asked bitterly. ‘There is no love in your heart for me.’

‘No?’ She leaned across and kissed him gently on the lips, and then drew back as a smile flickered across her face. ‘How can you doubt it?’

He felt a warm wave of relief and joy swell up inside his breast and his lips parted in a smile as he half rose to move closer to her. Maria’s eyes widened in alarm and she raised a hand to stop him ‘No. Stay there.’

‘But. . .’

‘Stay there, I said. I mean it. Thomas, for the sake of the love you have for me, and for the love I still bear for you, keep your distance. I beg you.’

He sat back heavily, confused and anxious. ‘Maria, you are my all. It has been a lifetime since I last held you. Please.’

She smiled sadly. ‘As you say, it has been a lifetime. Another life has been given to each of us since then. You had your life back in England, and in many campaigns across Europe, so I hear. A rich life, no doubt.’

‘An empty life, without you.’

‘But a life none the less. And I have made another for myself. Once I had forced myself to accept that I would never see you again.’ She paused and her smile faded. ‘It was two years before I was ready to live again. In all that time Oliver took care of me. Despite being a knight, he has a gentle soul, Thomas, and he is a good man. I knew he loved me, and I was fond of him . . . more than fond. So we were married. In private, of course. The Order will turn a blind eye to many things but not to everything, as you and I have discovered. I have been his wife ever since. I have even learned to be happy.’ She stared hard at Thomas. ‘And then you came back into my life, and it was like ... a storm breaking in my heart. I will not lie. My first impulse was to take you in my arms and kiss you. I would have done if I had waited for you in the chapel. Instead I had time to think. Time to consider how much I would hurt Oliver. How you and I could never be happy as we once were.’

‘Why not?’ Thomas demanded in a strained tone. Every word she had uttered had been like a stone set about his neck.

‘We are living under the shadow of a Turkish scimitar, my love. What life I have left I do not want sullied by being the cause of grief and suffering. I could not bear that. Nor could you, if you are honest with yourself.’ She looked at him pleadingly. ‘You must know that I am right.’

He shook his head. ‘It need not be that way.’

It was a lie that seared his heart even as he spoke it. That very night he would be joining the doomed men of St Elmo and he would not be coming back. There were scant hours left in which to make his peace with Maria. He should not flame their feelings into a false promise for the future. She was staring at him, waiting. He nodded slowly.