Ravenous

   “Bethany! Bethy are you out here!?” I wanted to stay hidden away, wanted to remain secure in Cade’s arms all night. The last thing I wanted was to return to that house, with all of its loving memories, reminders of things lost, and enclosed spaces. “Bethany where are you!?”

   It was the edge of hysteria in her voice that slowly roused me from my gentle cocoon of understanding and support. She had just lost her husband, and she was terrified that she was losing me. I hadn’t understood it at the time, but my mother had known I was standing on a thin precipice that was about to crumble from beneath me. She had feared she would lose me forever, and she hadn’t known how to stop it from happening. Only Cade had.

   “Bethany!” Her voice broke, the ‘any’ part of my name came out as more of a sob then a shout.

   “Here mom!” I called, unable to bear the thought of her crying again, at least not over me. Though, she had already cried plenty of times for me. “I’m right here!”

   “Where?”

   “The garden. I’ll be right in!”

   She didn’t call for me again, but she didn’t go inside either. She stood in the doorway, waiting patiently for her wayward, broken child. Cade squeezed my hand gently; I sensed the loss that filled him, the regret and sorrow that captured him. He wrapped his hand around the back of my head. Pulling me to him, he kissed my forehead lightly, and with a note of goodbye that caused the last of my tears to fall.

   “One day Bethany the nightmares will not plague you, the hurt will not be all encompassing, and you will be able to breathe again. It does get better, I can promise you that much.”

   I nodded; he was the first person that had told me this that I actually believed. I put faith in his words because he knew, he understood more than anyone else could how I felt. And over time, through the therapy my mom forced me into, and because of the enduring love of my family, friends, and my own growing understanding of the world and myself, things hadgotten better. Just as he had promised they would. But back then, his promise was the only thing I had to count on in those early hours, days, and weeks. The only thing I had to cling to in order to keep some grip on the world surrounding me, in order to keep on breathing.

   “Bethany!” my mom called again, impatience and worry evident in her voice.

   “I have to go.” He nodded, pulled me close to him and kissing me ever so softly again but this time on the mouth. I stared at him in awe, my lips trembling as I was jolted by the impact of his warm lips upon mine. I had just received my first kiss, and it had been so wonderfully sweet and uplifting. It had been everything I had ever dreamed it would be, even on that hideously dark night. “Goodnight Cade.”

   He managed a small smile; his dark eyes gleamed in the rising moonlight as he released me. My legs were shaking from his lingering effect upon me as I made my way out from under the tree. “Goodbye Bethany,” I thought I heard him whisper.

   When I glanced back I could just barely make him out upon the bench, watching me as I walked to the house. Over the next few weeks I kept expecting him to reappear, I would even go to the garden and wait for him, but he never did. I would see him in school, but I was too shy to approach him after being rebuked before, and he did not approach me. Then, as time slipped by, and the normal routine of life once again took hold, I stopped waiting for him to reappear, and eventually forgot about that night.

   Until now.

   And now I was swarmed by the memory, the feelings, the emotions, the loss, and the peace that he had given me on that long ago night. And I was once again crying.

CHAPTER 5

   “It’s ok Bethany.” I heard him whisper through the haze of shock, memories, and sorrow assaulting me. “It’s ok to cry.”

   Those hauntingly familiar words wrenched a soft sob from me. I bowed my head before him as he gently caressed my cheeks. I think he knew where my mind had gone, what memories haunted me now. “You didn’t come back after that night. You didn’t come back then.”

   He sighed softly, his forehead resting against mine as his hands pressed tighter to my cheeks. “I couldn’t.” I understood. My fresh agony that night had reopened his barely healed wounds. That night he had come to offer me what comfort he could, but he had been unable to handle giving me anymore. It had been too hard for him. “This time, no matter what, I will come back for you Bethany, I promise. I will always come back for you. But you must stay here, with your sister, with your mother.”

   I wanted to argue with him, wanted to fight his decision, but I couldn’t. He pressed something into my hand and closed my fingers gently around it. “I locked the store when we left. If I’m not back in three hours you and Abby are going to have to get your mother back to that room. Bring enough supplies for a week. Yes Bethany, you mustdo this.” He emphasized in response to my rapid head shaking.

   “I can’t. That room.”

   He lifted my face and took a step closer to me. “It’s the safest place for now. You need to find something to help you get your mother over there, and you willbe ok in that room. It’s not that car Bethany.”

   I recoiled from his words, shrinking before him as he struck straight at the heart of the matter. I tried to pull my face free of his grasp, angered and wounded by his words, but he refused to release me. “If they find us we will be trapped in there, cornered like rats.” I managed to stammer in my defense.

   “They won’t find you.”

   “You can’t know that!” I retorted sharply, struggling to hide my hurt behind my anger.

   “No,” he said softly. “I can’t know that, but it is the safest place for all of you right now. I will meet you there if I can’t get back here in time.”

   “Cade...”

   He kissed me again, silencing my protest with his lips. I sighed against him, letting go of my hurt and anger as relief and pleasure swamped me. This was wonderful, hewas wonderful, and I never wanted it to end. But it had to. I didn’t know what any of this meant, but I did know that I couldn’t keep him here. This time I was the one that pulled away. I rested my hands over his strong ones, squeezing them tight before moving away. He had to go; I knew that, he knew that. What neither of us knew was what was going to happen if he did return, or if he didn’t. But he had to leave now, before I couldn’t let him.

   “I willcome back Bethany,” he vowed

   I nodded, managing a weak smile. I watched him move silently out of the room, disappearing swiftly from sight. My heart went with him. Abby moved into the doorway, her dark eyes wide and stu

  I licked my lips nervously. My body thrilled at the fact that I could still taste him upon me. Swallowing heavily, I tried to wet my parched throat. My heart thumped with terror and joy. He had to come back, he just had too. “What’s that?” I managed to croak out.

   “If Bret isn’t frozen, he’s going to be pretty upset and pissed.”

   My mouth parted, I inhaled sharply as shock slammed through me. It was the first time I had thought about Bret in a long time. The first time I’d thought about my wonderful, sweet, loving boyfriendwho was nothing but kind and unfailingly faithful to me. How could I possibly have forgotten about him? Guilt and horror filled me; I slumped limply to the bed. I had forgotten about Bret, but if he was still moving, I knew that he had notforgotten about me. Not even for one small second would he have forgotten about me. In fact, if he was still moving I was certain he would be arriving here as soon as he could, with his best friend, my brother.