Lost Destiny

"You are a superiorwarrior—Star Commander Malthus continually assures me of that."

"I ..."

Before Kai could contradict him, Mahler fixed him with a steady stare. "He says that had you been made a captive of the Jade Falcons, he would have made you his bondsman only so he could immediately petition for your adoption as a Warrior into the Jade Falcon Clan. The Wolves did that with someone they captured and it is believed to be their intention for Prince Ragnar of Rasalhague. In you, he said, the Jade Falcons would have had a Warrior to put the Wolves' adoptees to shame."

"Malthus is given to exaggeration." Kai felt the heat of a blush on his cheeks. "I know what you are saying has its basis in fact, and that's a lot more than you would ever have heard me admit not too long ago. Deirdre is right in reminding me that I would consider remarkable in another what I consider barely adequate in myself. I am a warrior—therein lie my skills and my drive and my desire. Therein lies my problem."

"What's the problem?" Mahler made a left turn in the aircar and Kai saw the Valigia General Hospital swing into view further down the road. "In my time I saw plenty of troopies fall in love with anyone who was close during a leave. You and Deirdre are different. If there is a problem, I don't see it."

'The problem is that we dolove each other, but that love was born here on Alyina. Living on the run is a totally artificial situation. How can we know if our love is genuine?"

"It strikes me, Kai, you've shifted the focus of your inquiry. By stating your question in that ma

Kai winced. "You're right. I know what I have to do and I'm going to do it. If we stay together, having to live with what I do and what I am will tear her apart."

"Are you underestimating her emotional strength, my friend?"

"It is possible, but if I am not, I could destroy her." He looked over at Mahler. "I ca

Mahler steered the aircar into the hospital's parking garage. "So what will you do?"

What I've done before."I will tell her that all of this was a mistake."

The older man laughed. "She is quite strong-willed. She will ignore you."

"I know that." Kai nervously picked at his left thumbnail. "I will take on the tone of a noble talking to a commoner. Lord knows I've been accused of being a snob at times because I tend to be fairly private. Well I can turn around and use that. I'll tell her that I only stayed with her because it wouldn't be proper to leave one of ourwomen alone with the Clansfolk around. Now that I can return home, however, this ridiculous liaison will have to end."

Sympathetic pain tightened the flesh at the corners of Mahler's eyes. "You are setting yourself up to be hated."

"It'll give her a focus for her anger and make her think she is better off without me." Which she probably is.

"Oh, then be sure to offer her money, too, so she can buy herself something to remember you by."

"In for a bullet, in for a barrage." Kai gave Mahler a sidelong glance. "For someone who is happily married, you seem knowledgeable about how I should do this."

Pulling the aircar into a parking place, the retired MechWarrior shrugged. "As I said, I have had many kids in my commands who got 'engaged' on a Friday night, then looked at being shipped out on a Monday. I learned how to deal with it, jaT

"Yeah." Kai pulled back on the handle and opened the door. "I don't know how long this will take."

Mahler patted him on the shoulder. "I'll wait for you."

Kai nodded and left the vehicle. He walked across a bridge to the hospital proper and entered on the fourth floor. He asked after Deirdre at a nurse's station and was told she was up in pediatrics. Using the stairway to which he had been directed, he took the steps one at a time to delay his confrontation.

Dread welling up in his stomach, he opened the door to the pediatrics floor and immediately saw her down the hallway with her back to him. She had a young child in, her arms and rocked it back and forth. He could not hear the words she sang, but the lullaby's melody fell softly on his ears.

Kai, you are mad if you send this woman away. Youdo love her, and she loves you. The reconciliation of your differences will make for a very strong partnership. Hell, if your parents could love each other despite being from different backgrounds and from nations at war with each other, how can you fail in a much easier situation?

As that thought occurred to him, the anxiety building in him drained away. He smiled and started to feel very good. A nurse came from the room near Deirdre and pointed Kai out to her, then accepted the child from her arms. Deirdre brushed the child's dark hair away from its face, then turned and smiled at him.

"The Clans have ..."

She held up a hand and pointed to another open doorway. "Let's not talk in the hallway. In here."

Kai nodded, a bit puzzled, but entered the room ahead of her. He realized that discussing their departure from the world might be confusing to some folks and he imagined she wanted to avoid upsetting children within earshot. As he turned around, she closed the door, then pointed him toward a chair.

"Kai, we have to talk."

He nodded. "I know. Erik Mahler says we have a ship leaving tomorrow. I can make arrangements for both of us so our gear will get on board without you having to cut back any of your hours here." He pulled up the chair and sat. "When we get to the Commonwealth, I'll get us passage back to New Avalon as fast as possible."

Still standing, she glanced down at the plastityle floor. "Kai, I'm not going with you."

"What?" A fist tightened around his heart. "Not going?"

"I am going to stay here. There is a lot of work to be done. There are a lot of people who can use my help."

"Fine, then I'll stay, too."

"No, Kai, you're leaving!" Her hands balled into fists. "You have to go."

"I don't understand, Deirdre." He started to stand again, but she slid by him and pressed him back down into the chair. He half-turned to watch her. "What's going on here?"

She stared out the window. "It will never work, Kai. We come from different worlds and have different goals."

He stood and slipped up behind her. "It will work, because we will make it work." He started to put his arms around her, but she pushed them away and whirled on him.

"Enough games, Kai. I didn't want to hurt you, but you leave me no choice." She folded her arms across her chest and met his stare unflinchingly. "You're a nice guy and it was wonderful to be with you on the run behind the lines. The Mahlers certainly couldn't defend me, and I wouldn't have wanted them to be hurt for harboring me. Just my luck that you had to be the first soldier to come along. You're not half bad as a lover, either, but you were just a diversion for me."

Kai felt as if his heart had collapsed into a black hole. A diversion? Sex for protection? All the things she said were lies?He staggered back and dropped into his chair. How could I have been so stupid?

"You see, Kai, you have a military mindset. You could never begin to understand the sort of complex individual I am. Your occupation would keep you tied down, and I ca