Double Clutch

Back at the table, Jake touched my arm and thigh every so often to check on me. I realized part of the reason he wanted me to eat lunch with him was to show me off a little. He bragged for me to his friends, which made me blush and them laugh. It was weird to watch him talk about me. It was like eavesdropping on his thoughts, or reading his journal. If Jake kept a journal. It was flattering.

The rest of the day flowed smoothly. Our projects were almost ready to submit. We had created a set of business cards for our fictitious companies, and they wound up coming out better than I expected. Jake’s work was a little more conventional, but he was meticulous and put a lot of thought in. My stuff was more creative. I was happy taking risks and playing around with ideas that were new or different. Our teacher was impressed.

“You two should do the next partner project together,” she said as she flipped through our portfolios. “You both have excellent designs, and you have polar opposite strengths. You’d do well together.”

Jake and I nodded respectfully, but under the table, he rubbed my leg.

“I guess we’re pretty good together,” he whispered against my ear later in the hall.

“Is that what she said? I thought she said you could learn a lot from me.”

He kissed me against his locker, pressing into me in a way he didn’t often do in public. I hung on and kissed him back, pushing away everything I had done or left undone, everything I had lied or told a half truth about. I finally had a little bit of a grasp on the weight of Jake’s regrets.

Friday was the longest day of my life. Saxon said nothing to me. He didn’t catch me in the halls, didn’t walk by me, didn’t talk to me. I was glad we were calling in government. We didn’t have to speak to each other at all.

We won. Of course. Neither one of us spoke about the win or the day we would have to spend together the next week.

Devon decided to go to the concert. He was getting dropped off, but I told him the time and we pla

“I wrote that song!” Chris exclaimed. I had never seen him that excited. “You are my personal favorite fan, Devon.”

Kelsie punched his arm. “What about me?”

“You are my personal favorite person,” he clarified.

We laughed, and Devon stopped chewing on his lips.

Kelsie gave me a necklace, one of her beaded ones made from blue glass. “It’s the same color as your eyes.”

I hugged her. “It’s beautiful. You’re going to be famous someday.”

“Then that makes two of us.”

When it was time for track, I ran hard and long. Coach Du

“How was your class last night? I wasn’t up when you got in.”

“Just some rotund stone fertility goddesses.” She smiled at me. “Are you up for movies and ice cream? It looks like this group of students is going to drive me to consume Ben and Jerry’s at least three times a week.”

“I’d love that.”

So Mom and I got some Chunky Monkey and Cherry Garcia and rented My Big Fat Greek Wedding and The Birdcage, two of our all time favorites. We snuggled on the couch and laughed and ate our totally non-nutritious di

I knew Jake wouldn’t call until late. He had to work extra hours to make up some of his time for taking off Saturday. Then he had to make sure his bike was in good working order, then he was going to do a few laps on a course near his house.

By the time the movies were done, Mom could hardly keep her eyes open.

“Um, Mom?”

“Yeah, honey.” She brought our bowls to the kitchen while I turned off the TV.

“My friend…” I took a deep breath and stood next to her in the kitchen. “My boyfriend, Jake, is coming tomorrow. I just didn’t know if you remembered.”

She turned and looked at me, my pretty mom with her blue-gray eyes and her good cheekbones that I didn’t inherit. She tucked a piece of light hair behind her ear and blinked a few times. That was tears. I felt my throat tighten.

“Mom.” I took the bowls out of her hands and put them on the counter. “We don’t have to do this. If you don’t feel comfortable, you and Thorsten could give me a ride.”

“No.” She put her hands on my shoulders. “You’re a good kid, Bren. I want to meet this Jake. If you like him, he must be something special.”

And now I had to bring in my backup, to make my mother feel better and spread the good kid thing on thick.

“I filled out that application for the Rotary Club study abroad. I emailed it last night, while you were at work.”

“Oh, baby.” Mom sighed and hugged me close. “You are going to have such a great time.”

“Well, they have to accept me first. There might be a lot of applicants. It’s possible I won’t get in.”

Mom snorted at that. Then she smiled at me and said the words that made us both crack up. “Bre

In my room that night, I laid out different outfits. I wanted to look cute, but stay warm. And I didn’t want to wear something too dressy. Jake was riding a dirt bike, after all. But I wanted to look good, because I guessed we would head to the Folly concert without coming back to my house to change.

I finally settled on a pair of ski

Before bed, I wet and trimmed my bangs. It was a little scary the first time I ever attempted it, but I like them to be right above my eyebrows, and if I didn’t trim them myself, I’d have to go to the salon every two weeks. I had watched a few YouTube videos and read two online articles; it’s shocking how much information there is about cutting your own bangs online. And I did a good job. They were even and looked really good. More importantly, cutting them took my mind off of all the emotions that tumbled through me about the next day.