Double Clutch

He kissed me again. “I’m so glad I got to see you. And I had a really good time.”

“If there are no snowstorms, I’ll see you tomorrow.” I kissed him.

“Are we going to talk tonight?”

“Yeah, we will. Call me when you’re showered and in bed after work.” I hated catching him before he took some time to clean up and eat. I knew he would never turn down my phone call, which was sweet but so impractical.

“I will.” He looked like he wanted to say something else. I thought about the last words he might have said on the phone the night before.

My heart was so full of feeling for him, it felt like it might rip open in my chest. The words he wanted to say were the same ones I wanted to say. I was feeling brave and good and free all at once.

I put my hands on his neck and pulled him close to me. “I love you, Jake,” I said. I meant it with every pulse of my heart.

His eyes went wide and for a minute he was perfectly still, just looking at me. Then he untied his tongue. “I love you, Bre

The next instant he was on his dirt bike and flying through the wooded space behind our house, heading to Zinga’s and away from me for now. I went back into my room and lay on the bed where he and I had just been and wallowed in the sad emptiness of it.

The rest of the day went by quickly. I felt a little bit like I was in a daze. Mom called to tell me she had her office almost set up and was going to pick up Chinese food. I was glad to have her company at home, but I also felt an incredible sense of guilt when I thought about having Jake over. I cleaned up in the living room and kitchen, and even vacuumed and mopped the floors as a kind of self-imposed penance.

When my phone rang, I should have realized it was too early to be Jake, but I was keyed up and ready to hear his voice again. It made me a little happy that my heart sank at Saxon’s voice.

“Hey Blix. We on for Saturday?”

“I have to check with my mom,” I said honestly.

He snickered. “Didn’t have the guts to talk to Jake?”

“Jake’s cool with it.” I was fully aware that I was seriously stretching the truth. “He was wondering if you could come get him first, you know, to help load up his bike and all that.”

The line was quiet for a while, then Saxon’s voice came over again, hot and deep. “Help with his bike, huh? Have you taken a look at Jake lately? He’s pretty jacked. I think he just wants to make sure there’s no Bre

“I thought you wanted us to be friends. Why are you always looking for reasons to screw everything up?” The fact that Jake and I had shared what we did made me feel like I had a protective shell that Saxon couldn’t break through.

“Cool it.” Saxon sounded upset, and I felt a thrill of triumph. Maybe Saxon didn’t hold all of the cards after all. Maybe I could play this game just as well as he could. “I’ll be at Jake’s Saturday morning to take him to the race. Do you want me to help with Mom? Maybe I can ask her for you?”

I felt my anger bubble up, but I forced it back down. “Don’t worry about it.” Maybe the shell wasn’t quite as thick as I would have liked. “By the way,” I said suddenly. “Tomorrow’s forecast is su

“Your mom and I had a deal.” His voice was sharp.

“My mom won’t want me driving with you if the weather is so nice. She harped about your smoking all night after you left,” I lied. “I mean, I know my mom seems super sweet, but she’s just really old-fashioned about ma

I could hear Saxon struggling on the line, trying to see through what I said and judge it as crap or not. But Saxon wasn’t me. Seeing through crap was my specialty. Dishing crap was his.

“I didn’t check the weather,” he finally said.

“Wow, it would be pretty pathetic of you to stoop to checking the weather every day. How about I just call you when I feel up for a ride?” I couldn’t help gloating a little at how effectively I turned the tables on him.

He chuckled. “You’re deceptively good, Blix. Just the perfect amount of bitch to be sexy.”

I felt my ears go hot. “Whatever, Saxon. I’ll see you in class tomorrow.” I threw my phone on my bed.

Mom and I chatted during di

When the phone finally rang, my heart thudded with pure happiness.

“Hello!”

“Bre

“I missed you. But I cleaned the house and did homework. How about you?”

“Just work. It was cold as hell, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” I heard a zipper in the background.

“Are you taking off your jacket?”

“Yeah. How did you hear that?”

“Jake, you should take a shower and get ready for bed. Why didn’t you do that before you called me?” I didn’t like to think he was still freezing and achy. “What about di

“I’m standing in my kitchen cooking right now.” I could hear him doing things in the background. I heard his keys hit the countertop and the cabinets bang open. I could hear the sharp clatter of the dishes he took out of the cabinet. “That’s so cute.”

“What?” I demanded.

“Your little bossy temper tantrums.” I heard a pan clang. “No one’s given a crap what I do in a long time.”

“What’s for di

“Hot dogs and beans. And a soda.”

“You’re going to die,” I gagged. “That’s the most disgusting di

“It’s my Tuesday di

“Every Tuesday?”