Double Clutch

“What? That can’t be the only option!”

“That’s what it said in my packet.” I pointed to the packet on top of the fridge that Mom glanced through before school started. I was usually pretty good about filling her in on everything she needed to know, so Mom didn‘t drive herself crazy reading every letter from the administration.

“I can’t believe that’s the only option.” Mom flipped through everything with an angry shuffle. She found a phone number, but no one was there when she punched the number in. I guessed they left early with the snow. “Well, I know I don’t usually allow this, but that Saxon boy can take you back and forth. Just back and forth to school. He seems very responsible. Though he smelled like smoke. Does he smoke?”

I felt my panic subside. Mom hated nothing like she hated a smoker. “Yes. I had to tell him to put out his cigarette before he picked me up.”

“Well, as long as he never does it when you’re in the car, we’ll have to make do.”

Then Mom went filling pots with tap water in case we lost electricity and getting ready for di

I opened and shut my mouth a few times and tried to come up with a logical argument, but I couldn’t will myself to argue for a bus ride that would eat up close to two hours of every afternoon. It would take about ten minutes to drive to school and back. Saxon couldn’t get under my skin if I didn’t let him.

Yeah, right.

I went to my room after we‘d eaten di

But I needed to talk to someone. Kelsie had wrapped her life completely around Chris, to the point where it was hard to talk to her about anything else, but that was actually okay with me. When Kelsie was paying attention, she was very perceptive, and there was way too much going on that I’d rather not have her know about.

Before I could think much more, my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number that popped up, but something told me it was him.

“Hello?” My irritation grew when I heard the voice I’d anticipated.

“Blix, I really need help with that chapter on jury duty. I’m really confused.” Saxon chuckled softly. “Don’t be mad.”

“You’re a dirty liar.” I punched a throw pillow a few times, then flopped back on my bed.. “My mom thinks you’re some sweet friend of mine.” I kicked my backpack off the bed and onto the floor with one thrust of my leg. “You can’t just barge into my life like that.”

“I wasn’t barging.” His voice was all sweet coercion. “Listen, some girls would consider what I’m doing a modern form of chivalry. I truly do have your best interests at heart. If you get run off of the road, and I didn’t do anything to stop it…” He let his voice trail off expectantly.

“You’ll have no one to harass?” I put in edgily. “I just don’t want to play your games.”

“What games?” His voice sounded a little surprised. But I knew Saxon well enough to know that could just be a layer. Of a game. Ugh!

“I know you don’t have any actual interest in my health and well being…” I started, but he interrupted me.

“Look, that’s a load of crap.” Saxon was usually good about never letting anything ruffle him, but he definitely sounded ruffled now. “I don’t know why, and trust me, I wish I did know just so I could somehow stop it, but I can’t put you out of my mind. I know you’re doing your thing with Jake for whatever reason, but that doesn’t mean I can just switch off what I feel. And that doesn’t mean I want to see you ride that piece of shit bike in a snowstorm.”

“It’s a great bike.” But my voice fell flat. I tried my best to absorb what he’d just said. “You could date anyone you wanted,” I said after a few long seconds.

“I know that.” His voice ground out irritably. “Don’t you think I know that?”

“Why don’t you?” I got up and looked out the window, staring into the vicious tangle of snowflakes that swirled outside my window. I worried about Jake working and getting home in this mess.

“Don’t you feel it for Jake?” he asked, his voice barbed. “Or are you just another conquest? You seemed pretty damn self-righteous about the whole thing a few days ago. Is that all gone?”

“No. I care about Jake. It’s not about physical stuff. I mean, it’s not only about that.” My face got hot just talking about it. I couldn’t stop myself. I knew I should just end the conversation as soon as possible, but something about Saxon’s honest, raw voice kept me on. I leaned my overheated face on the frosty glass of my bedroom window.

“I…Jesus Christ,” he muttered, then took a deep breath. “I care about you. I can’t even believe I’m having this discussion.”

“How could you care about me?” I was desperate to undo the thing he’d just done to us with four little words. My breath made a fogged patch on the glass.

The line was so quiet, I checked to make sure we were still co

“This doesn’t seem like a head game,” I ventured cautiously. I traced a heart in the circle of condensation on the window with my fingertip.

He snorted. “You guessed it, Blix. This is all part of my elaborate plan to be crowned prom king. C’mon. You think I like this? You think I haven’t tried to ignore you? You think I wouldn’t like to roll around with Karen Ta

“Karen Ta

“Head cheerleader.” He took a deep breath and blew it all out in one long rush. “Hot and into me. But I can’t get serious with her. I can’t get you out of my damn head. It sucks.”

“I’m with Jake.” I clutched the phone so hard my hand shook.

“I know that. I’m not begging for you to dump him. I’m just explaining why I keep creeping around like some sad old pervert.”

That made me laugh. “I guess it would suck,” I conceded.