Mercenary's Star

He could’ve fired...he hadn't! She made herself remember what had really happened, fighting the terror. He had trapped her and her Locustin a blind alley, had captured her. He had nor pulled the trigger as he so easily could have. Why did she keep dreaming that he had?

One hand groped in the darkness across her nightstand and touched the lighting panel. The overhead fluoros came up gradually, and she rubbed the sleep and hair from her eyes. The programmable clock at her bedside showed her the time in Verthandi reckoning... 0210. She knew by now that she would not get to sleep again soon.

Lori got up, slipped into the closet-sized washroom, and splashed water over her face until the clammy feeling was gone. After pulling on shorts, shirt, and low-topped boots, she left her cabin.

The Phobosdid not shut down during the night. Unless the ‘Mechs were out on a raid, however, the nightwatch stayed at their posts in engineering and on the bridge. She met no one as she followed the curve of C-Deck's outboard corridor clockwise to the crew's galley, then took the elevator up a level to B deck. With most of the crew asleep, the passageways were eerily silent, the only noise coming from the gentle hiss of air conditioning ducts and the shuffle of her own boots on the metal deck.

Lori stopped outside the lounge. Seated at the table was Grayson, a compad and a stack of printouts in front of him.

"Gray?" When he started to rise, she shook her head. "No, don't get up. Can I join you?"

"Of course." He stood up anyway as she entered the room. He was, she decided, a complex man. During a conference or on the battlefield, he seemed incapable of thinking of her as a woman, seemed to see in her only his Executive Officer. When they were alone, though, he often showed this maddeningly formal gallantry. Such ma

"Am I interrupting?"

"No, no. Just reports." That smile again. "I couldn't sleep," he said, "and somehow there’s never time to go over these things during the day."

"I couldn't sleep, either."

"Can I get you something? Coffee?"

She shook her head, crossing her arms on the-table before her. Grayson went back to reading the dispatch printouts. Lori watched him, searching for a way to open the conversation. "Well?" she said at last "Good news or bad?"

He frowned, distracted. "Confused, mostly. This rebellion has gone way beyond our little bit of this planet and I can't keep up."

"Well, they've been fighting their war without our help for ten years now."

"Yeah, but it looks like a lot of folks are coming out of hiding now. Now that they've heard about us, heard that we're wi

"That's to be expected, isn't it?"

His frown deepened. "I suppose so. But how are we supposed to coordinate everything that's happening? How can we...well.... Here, look at this." He slid several comroom printouts across the table. "A band of farmers attacked a Loyalist convoy at a place called Junction three days ago. They relayed word to us that Kurita ‘Mechs retaliated by burning their town, and they're asking us for support. I can't even find Junction on the map! And here...there was a riot in the streets of Regis last night. Several hundred students and teachers demonstrating against the Kurita-backed government They had to bring in ‘Mechs to break up the crowd"

"That ought to stir things up."

"I'll say, because Regis University isthe government! There were government militiamen in the mob! If Nagumo doesn't do something about that, he might as well pack up and leave. And if he doesrespond, there's not a damned thing we can do about it! I think half of Nagumo's ‘Mechs are inside Regis...most of them in that university complex." His fist closed, a sharp, compulsive motion. Lori was surprised to see the pain behind his eyes. "These people are looking to us for help. They’re assuming we're hereto help them, and a lot of them are going to be dead because of it."

Lori felt a pang as she watched him. She almost reached out to touch him, but her i

But why did she always see Grayson in her dreams as a destroyer, wreathed in fire, aiming that inferno launcher at her face? It frightened her, and the fact that she was afraid angered her, too.

The first time she had seen Grayson Carlyle, Lori had been piloting her Locustin battle on a world she'd never heard of before, fighting for masters she did not know. He had stood before her, alone, unarmored, an inferno launcher on his shoulder. He had commanded her to come out of her ‘Mech and surrender, but he had not fired...had admitted to her later that he'd never intended to fire.

Later, at Thunder Rift, her Locusthad burned and she had called to him and he had not come, not for long, long minutes. He'd been kilometers away at the time, fighting for his own life, but the horror of that engulfing fire, the feeling that Grayson had abandoned her, had left a deep and angry scar. She was only now coming to realize just how deep.

Lori's fear of fire was something she had grappled with endlessly, fighting it when she went into battle, fighting it in the nightmares that plagued her sleep. When she was awake, she trusted Grayson as her commanding officer. But on some deeper level that was revealed only in dreams, she associated him with the blind panic and lack of control she'd felt while crouched behind the controls of her Locust.Grayson had nothing to do with the death of her parents, had nothing to do with her dread of burning and death by fire. By day, she could admire him, even want to be with him, but at night came the dreams of fire and death, and the image of a smiling Grayson, bracing the inferno launcher on his shoulder.

She lovedhim— admit it!—but how could that be possible when she found it so hard to trust him completely?

Lori wanted to talk to him about it. Her fears were twisted and unreasoning, but it seemed that she was begi

He looked up, the fatigue on his face startlirrg her.

"I..." She stopped, flustered and confused. "How can I help?" she asked lamely.

"You can help. Lieutenant, by going back to bed and getting some sleep. We've got a little hike in the morning, remember, all the way back to Fox Island. I want you rested and fresh."

She dropped her eyes to hide her disappointment. Lieutenant! Perhaps, then, he no longer thought of her as anything more than his Executive Officer!

"Perhaps I'd better." Lori stood and turned to go. She stopped in the doorway, caught suddenly by the thought, the hope that he might call to her, ask her what was wrong, offer to talk. Or...he might follow her back to her cabin. The thought sent a shiver of fear through her—what would she say?—but the thought warmed her, too, and she found herself willing him to come after her.