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Alexander got up slowly, putting the cloth wrapping of his fists against his split lip to slow the flow of blood. His eyes met mine – glanced away – came back.
He winked.
And then his lightning-fast right jab slammed into my head, while I was still trying to understand the wink.
When I came to, Alexander was sitting by my bedside in the infirmary. He loved everything about medicine, and always told us that if he wasn’t king, he’d want to be a doctor. He meant it, too – he was always trying medicines on himself and others, and for years he kept a little journal detailing what he’d tried and with what effect, under what conditions.
He gri
‘Have I told you, Ptolemy, how much you are a man after my own heart?’ he asked.
I smiled. Who wouldn’t? He was the most charming man who ever lived, and that smile was all for me. ‘Why so, lord?’ I asked.
‘How long since you decided to come back to us?’ Alexander asked me. ‘Two weeks? Perhaps three?’ He nodded. ‘And you hid your intentions carefully, like a wily Odysseus with the suitors all around him.’ He leaned forward. ‘You’d already started training when we were up the mountain, and you never said a word.’
‘My lord does me too much credit,’ I said. But I was gri
‘Welcome back, son of Lagus,’ Alexander said. ‘There is nothing I love better than a man in control of himself.’
He gave me a hug, forced me to drink some foul tea that really did make me feel better – a tisane of willow bark, I think.
Calixei
‘You are one of his friends,’ she said, interrupting herself in the midst of the hero’s rage. ‘I just heard today – how you saved him.’ She looked at me – at my hand. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘You are too kind,’ I said.
She shook her head. ‘No. I’m not. I’ve been used – I know what torture is.’ She squeezed my hand.
My heart fluttered.
‘I need help with him,’ she said. ‘Would you help me?’
I sat up. I really didn’t need to be in bed. And she gave off a perfume, and a feeling – some women exude sex, the way some men exude power. Perhaps it is the same. I wanted her, she knew it, it didn’t matter a damn to her, and she was prepared to use it against me.
I wasn’t a fool, you know. Just young.
She ran her hand casually up my left arm and on to the missing nipple, her nails unerringly just between pain and pleasure. ‘I could teach you things that would mean that no woman would ever care about your scars,’ she said. ‘I need to sleep with the prince. I need to see into his head. No one told me when I took this job that he was a Spartan.’
My loyalty to my prince was absolute – nor had I ever had enough trouble with women, despite my looks, to worry overmuch in that regard.
But to look at Calixei
Her free hand slapped my left ear, boxed it hard enough to drive my wits from my head for a moment. She was off the bed and across the corridor.
Alexander was in the doorway.
‘He has a great deal of life left in him, I suspect,’ the prince said. He was smiling.
Calixei
Alexander’s eyes never left her. I watched him watch her, when he thought that I was lust-raddled myself.
In the same kind of flash that had come to me over the fighting skills, I understood him in that moment. Calixei
He wanted her.
But to take her at his mother’s insistence would involve a loss of a battle.
‘I would not poach your deer,’ I said.
‘You may have her,’ he said. His eyes said otherwise.
I shook my head. ‘Lord, if I were . . . in a moment of hubris, and even if she would part her legs for me – to take that woman, everyone would punish me for it.’ I shrugged. ‘Your father, your lady mother, Aristotle, the other pages – Aphrodite herself, no doubt.’
Alexander sat on my bed. ‘How’s your head?’
‘The tisane helped,’ I said, which made him happy. I took out a stylus and scratched a note on his wax tablet.
‘You want her,’ I said. Boldest thing I’d ever said to him.
He read the note. ‘Yes,’ he admitted. He sighed. ‘But I ca
‘I think so,’ I said.
‘A king must never surrender to his lusts. A man must never surrender to the views other men have of him. This would be both.’ Alexander nodded, having learned his lesson by heart.
He was very serious. Only an eighteen-year-old can be that serious. You should know.
‘Have her in secret – win her to your side and have her deny that you were ever together,’ I suggested.
‘When did you become so wily?’ he asked.
It occurred to me that in one blow I could become his confidant, undermine Hephaestion and help him with his mother and father. But that wasn’t my intention.
On the other hand, once I’d thought these things, I realised that I had become wily – at some point between the bandit’s knife and pulping Amantys. Odysseus, not Achilles, was always my favourite.
Alexander’s nails were pressed into his palms. He used pain quite a bit, to control himself – I’d seen it, and he was hardly alone in that regard.
‘Prince – you will be king. If you want the woman – let’s arrange it.’ I smiled.
He didn’t smile. ‘It is a wrong action,’ he said.
Aphrodite, the things Aristotle drilled into him. ‘No,’ I said. ‘Aristotle doesn’t want you to have any fun. And your father wants to make you behave like a beast. Surely there’s a middle road. Your own road.’
Alexander’s self-control was such that he almost never touched his face. Try it – try to go fifteen minutes without touching your face. I mention this because I remember that at that moment he put his chin in his left hand and gave me a long look. ‘How?’ he asked me.
It took me ten days. I felt a little like a pimp, to be sure.
And of the two, the less willing conspirator was the prince. He did not like to conspire. He wanted to be Achilles. I was listening when Aristotle talked, by this time, and I’d finally figured out why we all love Achilles – who is, let us admit it, venal, selfish and somewhat given to boasting and drama.
What we love is the freedom that comes with absolute mastery. Achilles can do whatever he wants – sulk for days in his tent, as we all wish to, or rage among his enemies, or mourn his dead friend, or take Briseis back from a great king. The limitations on his absolute freedom drive him almost to madness. And because the rest of us don’t live that way at all – because we submit to the will of others every day – we admire Achilles’ freedom.
Alexander wanted to be Achilles, and sneaking about in the dark was not his way.
As it turned out, my plan was over-complex and almost u
My plan involved Cleitus the Black taking a beating from Philip the Red – they could both be trusted. That evening, Hephaestion was to take wine to Aristotle – it was his turn. Every evening, one of the oldsters took him wine and sat and practised ‘good conversation’ for a few hours.
Alexander would go to visit Cleitus – no unusual thing.
But instead of Cleitus, he’d find Calixei
But on the day, Hephaestion had a virulent head cold and stayed in the barracks. And I was sent for by Aristotle.
Alexander was nursing his best friend – a little too much nursing, and Hephaestion drove him away with his blanket snapping at his friend’s head and threw a vial of medicine after him for good measure. Sometimes Aphrodite takes a hand.