Total Eclipse

It was hard to see her look so helpless.

Lewis looked almost as badworn down and fighting to keep himself together. I met his eyes, which were bloodshot and fever bright. Go to bed, I told him. Ill stay with them for a while.

And do what? he snapped, which hurt; I saw the flare of panic in his face, quickly tamped down. He hadnt meant to say it, though of course hed been thinking it. They were all thinking it. Sorry, Jo. I mean

I know what you mean, I said softly. But the fact is that youre just as handicapped as I am right now, and youre punishing yourself by wearing yourself down to nothing. Lewis, you cant. You cant. When we get out of this, the Wardens will need you more than ever. You cant be ru

I could see that he wanted to tell me not to preach to him, but he bit his tongue this time. He knew I was right (not that it would stop him from arguing), and on some level, he was aware that he was hurting himself as punishment. Like me, he felt that he deserved it.

He looked down at Ve

Lewis. I drew his gaze and held it again. Go to bed. Go.

He finally nodded, rosehad to steady himself against the walland left. I looked around the room, with its sterile high-tech beds and medical facilities that could do nothing about the problem we were facing. Every bed was filled by a Dji

And every Dji

The Dji

Now she seemed so diminished. So fragile. Her eyes were still amber, but pale, faded, and . . . frightened. She didnt speak. She didnt have to. I patted Ve

Well, she whispered with a shadow of her old, cocky charm, isnt this peculiar? The lamb caring for the wolf.

Youve never been the wolf, Rahel.

Ah, sistah, you dont know me at all. She heaved a slow, whispering sigh. I have played at being a friend to you, but Im nothing but a wolf. We all are, even your sweet David. Dji

Its not the end.

I think it could be, she said, and closed her eyes. I think it will be. And so I will tell you something Ive never told you, Joa

I swallowed hard. What?

Her lips took on the ghost of a smile. I am glad that we have been friends. You remind me of someone I knew long ago. My cousin, in breathing days. You have her soul. And I am glad to have looked on that brightness again.

Stop it, I said, my voice unsteady. Just stop it. Youre not going to die, Rahel. You cant.

All things can. All things should, in the end. She didnt sound angry about it, or sad, or afraid. She just sounded resigned. The world is changing. That is not a bad thing, you know. Just different.

Maybe she had the perspective of mille

I wanted peace.

But I didnt say anything else to her, and she lapsed into a quiet, waiting stillness, conserving her energy. The room was eerily silent, all those immortal creatures counting the minutes until they ceased.

And it was my fault.

I put my head down on the crisp, clean sheets next to Rahels hand, and silently wept.

I felt a hand touch my hair, and thought at first that it was Rahel. But no; her hand was still exactly where it had been, limp and unmoving on the covers. I took in a deep breath and sat up, swiping at my eyes and sniffling.

David looked down at me, and for a moment we didnt say anything at all. He looked almost as bad as the Dji

There was still a co

The difference was that when we sailed out of the black corner, the Dji

I read the misery and concern in his eyes, and took his hand in mine. Touching flesh would have to do; we couldnt touch in all those familiar supernatural ways. It felt oddly remote and clumsy.

You okay? he asked me.

I nodded. As long as youre here. You?

That won me a faint smile from him, and a widening of those honey brown eyes. He was still beautiful, even contained in human form. Hed lost that glowing, powerful edge, but what was left was pure David. As time went on, I had the sense that I was seeing the David hed once beena friend, a lover, a warrior in days that had come and gone well before any history we knew.

Not a good Dji

Still, he hadnt been just a man in so, so long. And I wondered whether he could go back to being just that, just human, without dying inside of regrets.

Davids smile faded as he looked at Rahel, replaced by that intense focus I knew so well. He didnt speak, but I knew how deeply he was feeling his own helplessness. I was feeling exactly the same thing. I leaned my cheek against his warm, strong hand, and his thumb gently stroked my cheekbone.

Small comforts.

Lewis left you alone here?

Yeah, there was no part of that that didnt sound accusatory toward Lewis. I made him leave. He was exhausted, I said. And theres nothing he can do except what Im doing. What youre doing.

Stand here and watch my brothers and sisters die? He paused, shut his eyes for a second, and then said, That sounded bitter, didnt it? I measured off an inch of air between my thumb and forefinger. He sighed. I feel that there ought to be something. Something we can think of, do, try.

We have, we did, and we will. But were not exactly at the top of our game, honey.

I dont know what this game is, David said softly. I dont like the rules. And I dont like the stakes.

Well, at least you have a good partner, I said. Later, we can kick ass at table te

He bent and kissed menot a long kiss, not a passionate one, but one of those sweet and lingering sorts of promises that comes from deep, deep down. Passion we had, but we also had something else. Something more.

Something that mattered to me more than my own life. Im not going to lose him, too, I told myself. I wondered whether that panic and determination showed in my face. I hoped not.

Just as David was pulling up a chair next to me at Rahels bedside, the door to the ships hospital opened, and Cherise staggered in, burdened by a tray so huge that it should have come with wheels and its own parade clowns. She was a tiny little thing, drop-dead gorgeous even under the ridiculously stressful conditions. Somehow shed found the time to shower, make her hair shampoo-commercial shiny and full of body, and scrounge up clean, attractive sexy-girl clothes, which today included shorts and a striped shirta look I was sure I couldnt have pulled off without looking like a very sad Old Navy reject. She had no makeup on, but then again, Cherise didnt really need any. She had that kind of skin.