The Weight of Souls

I swallowed as James waited an insolent few seconds then stepped back. “Yes, Miss, on my way.”

Ha

“Of course.” I squeezed her elbow. “He’s a Neanderthal, you know that. Does whatever Justin wants.”

And that was the problem wasn’t it? Because Justin Hargreaves said so, I was fair game and no one had the guts to do anything about it.

It hadn’t always been this way. I’d once been part of a trio: Pete, Ha

I glanced out of the window, remembering. The clown had stood right there on the day my life had changed. The balloons that no other child could see had tangled just there, around the netball posts. I still heard the flap-slap of his shoes in my nightmares. I clenched my fist around the ghost of my first ever Mark, the one the dead joker had left when he had touched me. I had thought it was just black greasepaint until I realised that there was no washing it off. The clown had been the ghost to start it all.

Rage threatened to boil and I pushed the memory down, “parked it” as the counsellor I saw after the accident was fond of saying. I visualised the garage, the space where the images would sit waiting for their next outing.

Then I walked with Ha

“I don’t want to do this. Can’t you pick something else?”

The whine came from the common room. I tightened my grip on Ha

“I know. Heads down.” Ha

The group was clustered around a plastic table. What a surprise… Justin, Tamsin, James and Harley. Only Pete was missing.

Justin leaned nonchalantly against the table in the centre of the room. The rest of them had a boy from the year below pi

“You wanted in.” James jabbed him in the chest with a stiffened finger and I saw red.

“Taylor,” Ha

“Leave him alone, you penis extension.”

Tamsin turned, already laughing. “You want us to leave him alone?” She stroked a red nail across the boy’s cheek and I shuddered. “What do you want us to do, Alan? You want us to leave you alone?”

“I-I…” The boy’s collar moved with the bobbing of his Adam’s apple.

“You know what’ll happen, Alan.” James leaned in, menacing.

“He’s younger than you. Have some self-respect!” I clenched my fists.

Tamsin took a slow pace towards me. “You want to take his place, Godzilla?”

“Hey, no!” Alan grabbed her arm. “I’m in, I told you. I’ll do it, whatever you want.” He avoided my eyes. “She’s not taking my place.”

“That’s nice of you kid, but–”

“Go away, alright? Just go away.” Red spots decorated Alan’s cheeks as if he’d been slapped. Around the redness he was pale and scared.

“I can tell a teacher,” I murmured.

He shook his head violently. “I’m OK, don’t do anything.”

I raised my eyebrows. “You want these arseholes to harass you? Fine.” I spun on my heel and saw Justin’s supercilious grin. “You are such a tool,” I snapped at him.

Ha

Behind me I heard a sound like a growl. It was almost inhuman. I stopped and turned. Once more James was glowering at me, head lowered so his eyes were shadowed by his jutting brow. “Neanderthal,” I muttered, but I increased my pace.

“That class sucked.” Ha

I snorted while I quickly checked the courtyard for anyone out of place.

“Honestly, I thought my brain was going to explode.” Ha

“You mean because it’s a double lesson and we’ve got it again after lunch?”

“I’d forgotten. I’ll die. I’ll literally drop dead from an aneurysm.”

I burst out laughing. She looked so wretched. Ha

“Come on, Han,” I sighed. “If it makes you feel better I’m going to fail that class too.”

“Stop laughing, you cow. It doesn’t make me feel better. You and exams are a disaster. You break my heart. I’m going to get drugs, lots of drugs.”

“Good luck with that.” I shoved her gently in the direction of the office. “I’ll see you later. Usual spot?”

Ha

I was sitting with my legs in the weak sunshine, enjoying the feel of the rays on my shins. My sandwich had gone soggy in my lunchbox, but I was picking the filling out and eating it between crisps. The wall of the art room was warming my back and I had a clear view of the courtyard. Ha

I looked down to pick some more cucumber from my sandwich and a shadow fell over me.

I caught my breath; had I missed a ghost?

No. I forced my shoulders to relax, ghosts don’t cast shadows.

I glanced up. It was the boy from earlier: Alan.

“Hey,” I grunted, but he said nothing and didn’t move. “What’s up?”

He took a deep breath and crouched next to me. “Sorry about this,” he whispered.

“Huh?” I had time to get my legs half under me, but that just had me off balance when he shoved me, hard. I teetered for a second then fell on my side, dropping my lunch into the dust and twisting my wrist under my hip. Shock froze me for a moment, long enough for him to grab my bag and run for it.

“What just happened?” I shouted; then I leaped up and sprinted after him.

My feet flew across the concrete and my skirt flipped up to my thighs. I could run, so the stupid kid didn’t stand a chance. Despite my confusion I was almost enjoying the chase. Alan cut across the grass, heading for the athletics track. My bag bumped against his back, shedding pens and books like Hansel in the forest. I’d pick them up later. Right now I wanted my hands on the little toad.

All my attention was on the fleeing junior; the redness on his neck, the hammer of his trainers on the hard-packed earth. Around us our classmates were stopping what they were doing and pointing, starting to laugh. I didn’t care.

I was almost caught up with him when I passed the storage shed next to the long jump pit.