Secrets of the Demon

I looked over at Eilahn, hoping for some sort of signal or advice or solution or something from her, but she was silent and still, watching us. This was my moral dilemma.

I could feel tears snaking down my cheeks, but I made no move to wipe them away. Why was this so hard for me?

Because I’m normal, I told myself. It shouldn’t be easy. Back when I was a road cop one of my teammates had revealed to me that he’d shot and killed a man in the line of duty when he’d worked for NOPD.

“It was a good shoot,” he’d told me. “The guy had a gun and woulda killed me. There was never any question that my actions weren’t justified.” He’d paused. “But it still ate me alive that I’d killed a man. I saw the counselor for a long time, and you know what? That’s the way it should be. It shouldn’t be easy to deal with killing someone, especially if you’re a cop. We do it when we have to, but if it doesn’t hurt, then you’re a sick fucker.”

And now I was being asked to take it to another level. I looked back at Ryan. “Have you ... ?”

His expression grew very remote. “I have. But only when there was no other choice. Kara, I’m not going to give you some bullshit line about how you were given a gift and how you should use it for the benefit of mankind, or some crap like that.”

“But that’s what this is about, isn’t it?” I retorted. “I have arcane abilities. I can do things other people can’t.”

“So what? It’s not about your abilities. It’s about you and your moral base.” He lifted a hand and wiped a tear away form my face, a move that damn near undid me. I was too exhausted to be dealing with this right now. “Kara, I know what you’re going through. I went through it too. You swore to uphold the law and protect the public. I’m not trying to tell you what to do—”

I held up a hand to stop him. “Enough.” I pulled away from him. “Yes, you are trying to tell me what to do. I know you mean well and you’re worried about me and everyone else, but ... I need a few minutes.” I started toward the kitchen door.

“We don’t have much time, Kara,” Ryan said, begi

“You will give her the time she needs,” the demon said, tone low and even. I watched in mild shock as anger swept across Ryan’s face, clearly directed at the demon. But I had the unerring feeling that there wasn’t a damn thing he could say or do that would move her. “Do not push her to an action that could destroy her later.”

She’s protecting me, I realized in a burst of clarity. She was a guardian in all ways, not just physically.

Fatigue and regret replaced the anger as Ryan shifted his gaze to me. “I would never do anything to hurt you, Kara.”

I nodded, a lump in my throat. “I know. Ryan, I just need to think and figure this out on my own.” I said quietly. I turned and headed down the hallway to my bedroom. I didn’t look back again, but I knew that Ryan wouldn’t try to follow me again.

I changed out of the borrowed clothing, not thinking of anything in particular, but allowing the thoughts and emotions of everything that had happened in the past year to swirl freely through my mind. Six months ago, my life had changed irrevocably, when Rhyzkahl had come through my summoning portal instead of the fourth-level demon I’d intended. I was a full summoner, with the power and knowledge to call forth demons—creatures of incredible strength and arcane power. Moreover, I was oathbound to the most powerful demonic creature of all—a demonic lord.

This wasn’t about me wasting my gifts, I realized as I pulled jeans on. This was about me using every weapon and tactic at my disposal. One of those weapons was my ability to see if arcane power was being used, and if not for that, no one would have even known that the deaths of Vic and Roger and Adam had been anything but accidental.

I hesitated with my hands on the button of my jeans, then shucked them off and dug my fatigue pants out instead, pulling on boots and topping it all with a black T-shirt. I belted on my holster, as well as my ankle holster and my backup piece, then grabbed a clean set of sweats and headed back to the kitchen. Eilahn stood in the doorway, casually leaning against the jamb. Ryan sat at the kitchen table, looking oddly morose.

Eilahn straightened and stepped aside to allow me to enter. Ryan lifted his head but didn’t say anything.

“We’re facing someone who’s committed several acts of murder,” I said, “and will no doubt commit more if he’s not stopped. My job—my oath—compels me to do all I can to stop a murderer.” I took a deep breath. “And, failing to act would be a greater violation of my oath. We’re not going outside the law. We’re going beyond what the law can handle.”

I thought Ryan would look pleased at that admission, but he merely gave a small nod, a haunted expression passing briefly over his face.

“That being said,” I continued, “we have to bear in mind that if we decide to do what needs to be done, there may be ramifications, such as, oh, being arrested for murder. Therefore, we need to think hard and long about what we do, and then plan and be careful.”

I turned and handed the sweats to Eilahn. “Put these on, please. We need to relocate to someplace safer, then we can figure out what we’re going to do and see about getting you proper clothing.” Good thing I’d recently paid off my credit card. It was about to get a workout.

She accepted the clothing with a gracious nod, then, without a blink of hesitation, dropped the robe from her shoulders, standing unashamedly naked in my kitchen before pulling the sweats on.

“We can go to my place,” Ryan said. I flicked a glance to him to see his reaction to Eilahn, but he was very carefully looking at the opposite wall. Smart man. “I highly doubt Moran knows where that is. I’ll call Zack and let him know.”

I nodded, suddenly realizing that I had no idea where he lived either. He’d mentioned something a while back about renting a house in the area, but I’d never asked where it was. Good thing he was driving.

“Then let’s roll,” I said, feeling like a badass.

Chapter 32

My badass attitude lasted as long as it took for me to get into the car, put my head back against the headrest, and close my eyes. The next thing I knew someone was gently shaking my shoulder.

“Kara,” a vaguely familiar voice said. “You have rested long enough now. It is time for you to wake.”

I opened my eyes, instantly confused to see that I was in bed—and not my own. I rolled over to see Eilahn standing beside the bed. Behind her Ryan stood in the bedroom doorway, scowling darkly. I sat up and scrubbed at my face. I had the vaguest whisper of memory of being carried from the car to inside a house. I was pretty sure it was Eilahn who had carried me, too, which might have possibly explained why Ryan looked pissed.

“How long have I been asleep?” Sunlight streamed through the blinds covering the window, but I couldn’t see a clock anywhere in the room. Or anything else that wasn’t an absolutely necessary piece of furniture. Bed, nightstand, dresser, and armoire—all in a very sturdy-looking blond wood. The bedding was in muted autumn tones and the walls were a dusky blue. It looked exactly as I would have expected Ryan’s room to look.

“It is midday,” Eilahn replied.

I grimaced. “Shit. I wish you hadn’t let me sleep so long.” Small wonder that I’d crashed so hard, though, between the scant sleep and the normal exhaustion of performing a summoning. I tried to run a hand through my hair, but the tangles made that impossible.

“I tried to wake you a couple of hours ago,” Ryan said sourly. “She wouldn’t let me.”

Eilahn inclined her head slightly. “It is truth. You were in dire need of rest, and those few hours would have been insufficient.”