Deity

“You’re telling me,” I said dryly. “What… what is it like?”

“It’s not bad, Alex. Not bad at all,” he said softly. “There are things I miss, but it’s like being alive, only not.”

Then it struck me. “Caleb, is… is my mom here?”

“Yes, she is. And she’s really nice.” He paused, pursing his lips. “Really nice considering she hasn’t tried to kill me this time around, you know.”

I felt nauseous, which was strange since I was supposed to be dead. “You’ve talked to her?”

“Yes. Seeing her the first time was really weird, but what she was when she had us isn’t who she is now. She’s your mom, Alex. The mom you remember.”

“You sound like you’ve forgiven her.”

“I have.” He wiped away the fresh tears gathering on my cheeks. “You know, I wouldn’t have in life, not really. But once you finally accept the whole dying thing, it kind of enlightens you a bit. And she was forced into becoming a daimon. They really don’t hold that against you down here.”

“They don’t?” Oh, gods, I was going to start crying again.

“Not at all, Alex.”

Some of the guards were gathering close to us. I focused on Caleb, hoping they weren’t going to pull us apart. “I have to see her! Can you take—?”

“No, Alex. You can’t see her. She doesn’t even know you’re here, and that’s probably for the best right now.”

Disappointment swamped me. “But—”

“Alex, how do you think your mom would feel if she knew you were here? There’s only one reason why you’d be here. It would upset her.”

Dammit, he had a point. But I was here, which meant I was dead. Wouldn’t I be seeing her soon anyway? So that logic failed with me.

“I’ve missed you,” he said again, and it brought me back to him.

I clenched the front of his shirt, and words I wanted to say spilled forth. “Caleb, I’m so, so sorry for everything. What happened in Gatlinburg and… and I didn’t really pay attention to what you were going through afterward. I was so stuck on myself.”

“Alex—”

“No. I am sorry. Then what happened to you. It wasn’t fair. None of it was. And I’m so sorry.”

Caleb lowered his forehead to mine and I swore his eyes glistened. “It wasn’t your fault, Alex. Okay? Never think that.”

“I just miss you so much. I didn’t know what to do after you… left. I hated you for dying.” I choked up. “And I just wanted you back so bad.”

“I know.”

“But I don’t hate you. I love you.”

“I know,” he said again. “But you need to know that none of that was your fault, Alex. This was meant to happen. I understand that now.”

I laughed thickly. “Gods, you sound so wise. What the hell, Caleb?”

“Death made me smart, I guess.” His gaze searched my face. “You don’t look any different. It just seems so… so long since I last saw you.”

“You look better.” I traced my fingers down his face, pressing my lips together. Caleb looked marvelous to me. There wasn’t a hint of all that he’d suffered. He seemed at peace, fulfilled in a way he hadn’t been when he was alive. “I just miss you so much.”

Caleb squeezed me tighter and he laughed. “I know, but we need to stop with this friendship bonding crap, Alex. First we’re tortured by daimons together and now we’ve both been stabbed. That’s taking the ‘we do everything together’ to an all-new high.”

Tears streamed down my face, but I laughed again. He felt so warm and real. Alive. “Gods, I really am dead.”

“Yeah, you sort of are.”

I sniffled. “How can I be sort of dead?”

Caleb pulled back and tipped his chin down. A mischievous smile tugged at his lips. “Well, there’s this really big, blond god raising all kinds of hell with Hades right now. Apparently you’re still in limbo or something. Your soul is still up for grabs.”

My insides knotted, and I blinked. “What?”

He nodded. “You’re not going to be dead for very long.”

I wiped under my eyes. “I’ve been here for hours. I’m so dead.”

“Hours here is only seconds there,” he explained. “When I came up here I was worried it was too late, that Hades had already released you.”

“I’m not going… to stay dead?”

“No.” Caleb smiled. “But I had to see you. There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Okay.” A twinge of pain in my stomach startled me. I jerked against him. “Caleb?”

“It’s okay.” His lanky arms held me still. “We don’t have much time, Alex. I need you to listen to me. Sometimes we hear things down here… about what is going on up there. It’s about Seth.”

A burning kindled deep inside me. “What… what about Seth?”

“He doesn’t really know, Alex. He thinks he’s in control, but he’s not. Don’t… don’t believe everything you hear. There’s still hope.”

I tried to laugh, but the burning was turning into a full-blown fire. “You’re still… such a Seth fanboy.”

Caleb made a face. “I’m being serious, Alex.”

“Okay,” I breathed, clutching my stomach. “Caleb, something’s… wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong, Alex. Just remember what I said. Sometimes people have a hard time remembering everything after these kinds of things. Alex, can you do me a favor?”

“Yes.”

“Tell Olivia that I would’ve picked Los Angeles.” Caleb placed his lips against my forehead. “She’ll understand, okay?”

I nodded although I didn’t understand why as I held onto his shirt for dear life. “I’ll… I’ll tell her. I promise.”

“I love you, Alex,” Caleb said. “You’re like the sister I never wanted, you know?”

My laugh was cut off by the fire tearing apart my insides. “I love you, too.”

“Never change who you are, Alex. It’s your passion—your reckless faith—that will save you, save both of you.” He held me tighter. “Promise me you won’t forget this.”

As the pain grew and my vision clouded, I held onto Caleb. “I promise. I promise. I promise. I prom—”

I was ripped away from him, or at least, that was how it felt. I was spi

“Breathe, Alexandria. Breathe.”

I gulped in air as my eyelids fluttered open. Two all-white eyes—no pupil or irises—stared back at me. The eyes of a god.

“Oh, gods,” I whispered, and then I lost consciousness.

CHAPTER 17

PEOPLE MOVED AROUND ME. I COULDN’T SEE THEM, but I could hear their feet smacking on the tile, their voices hushed. Someone hovered near the bed. Their breathing was even and steady, lulling. I caught the scent of burning leaves and sea salt.

A door opened, and the person beside my bed shifted.

I faded out after that, slipping back into the pleasant haze. When I opened my eyes finally, they felt like they’d been sewn shut, and it took a few tries to get my vision to work. White walls surrounded me—plain and boring white walls. I recognized the med room. There were no windows, so I had no idea if it was night or day. There were faint memories of Linard and pain, then a flash of light and a feeling of falling. After that, things were hazy. I remembered a musty smell and there was more, but it seemed to exist just on the fringe of my thoughts.

My mouth felt as dry as cloth, my limbs wooden. A dull ache throbbed in my sternum. I drew in a deep breath and winced.

“Alex?” There was movement on the other side of my bed, and then Aiden came into view. Dark shadows bloomed under his eyes. His hair was a mess, falling every which way. He sat on the bed, careful not to move me. “Gods Alex, I… I never thought…”

I frowned and reached over to take his hand, but the motion pulled at my stomach. Tender skin stretched, sparking a sharp sting. I gasped.