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“Oh, my God, I could kiss you right now,” I said as he walked in with the plastic bag and a couple of drinks.
He gri
I gestured for him to follow me. “Let’s go someplace where I don’t have to stay quite so professional, and I will.”
As soon as we were in my office, I made good on my promise. I intended to kiss him only briefly, just enough to flirt a little and maybe wind him up, but then I needed to taste him just a second longer. Then I didn’t want his fingers out of my hair. When I caught myself seriously considering finding a quiet, hidden place in the theatre, I forced myself to pull away. I knew a few such quiet, hidden places, and I couldn’t afford to give in to that temptation on a busy night like this.
Come by on a slow night, Nathan, and I’ll give you the real tour of The Epidauran.
“So I assume you like Thai food?” he said, nodding toward the food on the desk.
I snorted. “What kind of cretin do you take me for? I love Thai food.”
He laughed. “Good, because-”
The door flew open. Max leaned in and started to speak, then looked at Nathan. Confusion brought his eyebrows together, then enlightenment raised them. He cleared his throat.
“Hey, uh, boss,” he said. “Need your help in the projector room.”
I groaned. “Tell me it didn’t break again.”
He nodded. “Sorry.”
“Fuck.” I rolled my eyes. To Nathan, I said, “Come on, guess we’re eating in the projector room.”
“Anywhere’s good for me,” he said with a shrug.
“Hey, I thought we weren’t allowed to have food or guests up there,” Max said as Nathan and I followed him out of the office.
“You’re not,” I said. “But when you run the place, you can have anyone and anything you want up there.” He looked over his shoulder and laughed, but I didn’t miss the uncomfortable glance he cast at Nathan. Yes, Max, I’m fucking him. Deal with it. Then it occurred to me that it was a good thing he hadn’t come into the office a few seconds earlier. Though their discomfort with my sexuality a
Upstairs, I gave the projector the evil eye and decided it would be best to eat something before I tackled its latest issues. Otherwise, judicious application of percussive maintenance might be the least of its problems.
Max left to help in the box office for a little while, so Nathan and I had the room to ourselves for a few minutes. I sat back in a chair and put my feet up while he leaned against the window.
“My God, you’re a life saver,” I said after we’d eaten in silence for a while. “The crap at the concession stand was even starting to sound good.”
He laughed. “That bad, huh?”
“You have no idea.”
He looked out a window into one of the auditoriums, which hummed with the voices of a shifting crowd. The sound slowly diminished in volume, so the showing must have just ended.
“Wow, you guys really are slammed today,” Nathan said.
I laughed. “Did you think I was lying?” I glanced up at him, and the somewhat-sheepish look on his face made my stomach drop. “Nathan, you-”
“I know,” he said, nodding and putting a hand up. “We’ve talked about this.”
I tapped the side of the Styrofoam carton with a chopstick, trying not to let my irritation seep into my voice. “And yet you still don’t trust me.”
He exhaled, looking anywhere but at me. “I told you, these things take time.”
I think you’ve had enough time to figure out I’m not Jake. I wanted to say it, but bit it back instead. Getting caught by an employee in the middle of a heated lover’s spat would be almost as awkward and uncomfortable as being caught in the middle of a kiss. That, and I just didn’t have it in me to argue with him tonight.
I let out a breath and looked at him, gesturing toward the window with my chopsticks. “Well, you’ve seen it for yourself. Busy day here.”
“Yeah, I see that.” He picked at his food for a moment. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I swear to God, I’m not going out of my way to find reasons not to trust you.”
“Well, it’s not like Jake has helped,” I said. “Even since we both split with him.”
“Good point.” He laughed bitterly. Meeting my eyes, he said, “I’m sorry, though. I was out of line.”
“Don’t mention it.”
He sipped his drink and pushed himself off the windowsill. “Well, I should probably let you get back to work. You still coming by tonight?”
I smiled. “You still want me to?”
He gri
Chapter Thirty
“You’re awfully quiet.”
Lying beside me in bed, Nathan turned to me and smiled, but it seemed forced. “Sorry, guess I’m a bit spacey tonight.”
“Anything wrong?”
The smile fell and his gaze shifted to the ceiling again. I rolled onto my side, propping myself up on my elbow. I put my hand on his chest and he put his over mine, clasping it gently. For a long time, everything was still except his heart beating beneath my palm and his thumb ru
He ran his free hand through his sweaty, disheveled hair. His sudden shift from playful and horny to this was unsettling. In fact, it was hard to believe this was the same person I’d just slept with. He didn’t seem angry. Whatever it was that had changed, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. It almost seemed, I realized with a sick feeling in my gut, like regret.
“Nathan?”
He looked at me. “I’m just…” He paused. Sighed. Looked up again. “Just been thinking about all of the bullshit with Jake. And, you know, how we got started.”
The sick feeling turned into a sinking feeling. “What about it?”
He shrugged and started to speak, then stopped. After a moment, he turned to me. “I guess I’m just trying to be realistic about all of this. About us.”
“We can’t change how things got started between us.”
“I know.” He ran the tip of his tongue across his lower lip. “I just keep going back to this whole trust thing. With all the bullshit we keep ru
“I trust you.”
He sighed and squeezed my hand gently. “I know you do.” The silence hung between us for a moment, loudly emphasizing what he didn’t say.
I pursed my lips. “I don’t know what else I can do to convince you to do the same.”
“Zach, it goes beyond just you. It even goes beyond Jake.” He closed his eyes and let out a long breath. “The way we met got us off on the wrong foot, but even with that aside, my track record with guys is…” He paused and shook his head. “The one before him was just as bad. Worse, even.”
I chewed the inside of my cheek, then touched his arm. “What happened?”
He closed his eyes again, taking another long, deep breath. “I lived with a guy. Name was Stephen. In law school. We met when we were first-year students, split during our third year.” He was quiet for a moment, his gaze fixed on something, his lips tightening into that familiar almost-a-snarl line. “Fuck, anything you can think of that a guy can do to be an ass, he did it. Treated me like shit. Stole from me. Drank too much. Cheated on and off me.”
“Cheated on and off you?” I cocked my head. “What do you mean?”
He laughed bitterly. “Apparently cheating on me with another guy wasn’t enough. He also used one of my papers to cheat in a class we had together. Damn near got us both thrown out of school, but fortunately, I convinced the dean that I had nothing to do with it.”
“Jesus,” I said. “And you stayed with him for two years because?”
“Same reason I stayed with Jake for four years.” He didn’t sound so angry now. Sad, if anything. “Because I loved him.”