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“Oh, Jesus,” he moaned. “You feel so good…”
“So do you,” I whispered, holding on to his shoulders as he moved deeper inside me. He did feel good. He felt incredible. Better than he ever had before.
I touched his face and he turned to kiss my palm. It feels this good because you’re still here.
“Oh, God,” he said, grimacing and shuddering. “Fuck, I’m so close, but I don’t want-” He gasped. “I don’t want to before you do.”
My fingers dug into his shoulders and my back arched off the bed. “Just keep…” My eyes rolled back and electricity surged up my spine. “Just like that…”
He thrust harder, groaning as another shudder drove him even deeper. “Oh, God, Zach, I can’t-”
The entire world went white. I don’t know if either of us made a sound because the only thing that existed was the powerful orgasm that completely consumed every shred of my awareness. A low vibration worked its way into my consciousness-a voice, though I couldn’t be sure whose-and as the rest of the universe pieced itself back together around me, I realized he had slowed down. His rapid thrusts had been reduced to long, lazy strokes, each slower than the last until his hips only moved in a subtle, slurred imitation of everything he’d done before.
He raised his head and we looked at each other, but still neither of us spoke. After a moment, he sank down to me, resting his head on my shoulders as I wrapped my arms around him. I ran my fingers through his hair, simply listening to him breathe for the longest time.
I’m still here, every breath said. I’m not going anywhere.
Chapter Twenty-three
After Nathan got rid of the condom and we’d settled into bed, we faced each other, but didn’t speak right away. His hand rested on my face, his thumb gently stroking just below my cheekbone. Both the anger and lust in his eyes had quieted, replaced by confusion. Or sadness. Maybe both.
Finally, he broke the silence.
“Zach, I’m sorry about earlier,” he whispered. “I overreacted.”
I put my hand over his. “Don’t sweat it. I shouldn’t have waited so late to call.”
He shrugged as much as he could with one shoulder beneath him, but didn’t look at me. “Maybe, but I had no reason to think you’d be doing something like…” He trailed off.
“Like what?” I knew the answer. I wanted him to say it.
He took a breath. “Like something Jake would do.”
“Nathan, you should know by now-”
“I know, I know,” he said. “And you’re absolutely right. I’m just, you know, after everything I-we-went through with him, it’s hard to trust-” He paused. “Anyone.”
Anyone, or me? But I didn’t go there. “I understand. He did a number on me, too, but we have to make this about us and now, not him and then.”
He looked away for a moment before again meeting my eyes. “You know where I’m coming from, though, right?”
I nodded. “Even still, if we’re going to make this work, it has to be about us, or nothing at all.” I ran my fingers through his hair, just needing to touch him, as if I needed something more tangible than sight to assure me he was really here. “If it has anything to do with him, then it’s going to blow up in our faces sooner or later.” Nerves twisted my gut into knots. I felt like I was giving him an ultimatum and in a way, I was. We can’t exist without trust. Trust me, or walk away.
Watching him silently, I swallowed hard. He was quiet for a moment, his expression turning to one of intense concentration. Please don’t walk away, Nathan. I wanted to hate myself for that unspoken plea, for the nervousness that bordered on panic. This isn’t supposed to be permanent. I shouldn’t be so afraid of losing you.
When he finally spoke, he whispered, “You’re absolutely right.” He rested his hand on my shoulder, his thumb moving back and forth on my arm, his touch giving me permission to release my breath. He went on, “It’s easier said than done, of course, and it’ll take time, but you’re absolutely right.”
Before I could say anything, he leaned in and kissed me lightly. Even after he broke the brief, gentle kiss, it resonated through my nerves.
We still exist.
With the storm over and the anger quieted, adrenaline gave way to relief and before long, fatigue settled in. It was well past one in the morning, and I suddenly felt like I hadn’t slept for days.
Nathan hit the light, but as he drifted off to sleep beside me, something tightened in my chest and kept me awake. Something wasn’t right about the way things went down tonight.
This was supposed to be a fling. A rebound thing, nothing serious. But if this was just a fling, would we have fought that hard and made up just as hard?
I’d had casual relationships before, and I never fought with them. If we disagreed that much, we just went our separate ways. It wasn’t worth it. The only time fighting was worth it was when there was anything to gain-or keep-by fighting.
And if the way we’d fought and made up tonight was any indication, we both knew we had something to gain by staying.
Or something to lose by leaving.
Neither of us had had to stay. The door had been there the whole time, unlocked, unopened and u
What we were doing shouldn’t have been worth fighting for like that. Yet we’d fought. We’d made up. The conflict was over, but we weren’t.
Nathan stirred in his sleep and draped his arm over my waist. His skin was warm against mine, his presence beside me reassuring. His breath drifted across the side of my neck and I exhaled, my entire body finally relaxing.
I shouldn’t want you this much, but thank God you’re still here.
Chapter Twenty-four
I was knee-deep in invoices and receipts when Dylan leaned in through the office door.
“Hey, Zach, you’ve got someone here asking for you.”
“Can you take care of it?” I gestured at the papers in front of me. “I’ve got to finish this today.”
“It’s your ex.”
I couldn’t help but groan. “Oh, fuck, what does he want?”
“Don’t know, didn’t ask,” Dylan said, shaking his head. “I was afraid he’d tell me and, quite frankly, I don’t want to know.”
I rolled my eyes and stood. “That makes two of us.” In any other situation, I’d have replied with something witty and sarcastic, but just knowing Jake was in the same building eroded my sense of humor.
“He’s in the lobby,” Dylan said as I walked past him.
Good, then the police won’t have any trouble finding his body. “Thanks.” I took a few deep breaths along the way, willing myself to stay calm. The least I could do was wait to get angry until he opened his mouth.
I’d been able to face him last time without getting too angry because he’d caught me off guard. I hadn’t expected him, so I’d had no opportunity to get myself worked up. That, and I hadn’t yet realized just how much he’d damaged Nathan’s trust. Specifically, his ability to trust me.
When I turned into the lobby, all of my efforts to calm down went by the wayside.
“Zach,” he said, extending a hand to shake mine.
Had it not been for the customers and employees milling around the lobby, I’d have stood my ground and given him an earful. But out here, I had to maintain some semblance of professionalism, so I forced a smile and shook his hand.
“Jake,” I said. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” He balked slightly, and I knew my sarcasm had found its mark.
“I just wanted to talk to you,” he said.
“Well…” I gestured toward myself. “Here I am. Talk.”
He blinked, obviously not expecting quite such an icy, hostile reception. His eyes darted around the lobby and he lowered his voice. “Maybe not here, though.”