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Kad ran toward him, his face taut with fury.
Obi-Wan watched him run at him with a strange detachment. It was as though he were in a dream. He made no move to dodge. He saw Kad's arm muscles bunch as he lifted the staff, gathering himself for the blow. Obi-Wan still did not move. He saw the staff whistle down toward his skull…
At the last second, Kad twisted his wrist. The staff hit the table, splitting it in two. Kad dropped the staff. He stared down at the floor, panting. Then he raised his gaze to Obi-Wan.
"I will never forgive you, Obi-Wan Kenobi," he rasped. "In my eyes, you will always be a killer." He kicked aside the staff and walked up the aisle toward the door.
Obi-Wan stood frozen, Kad's words echoing in his brain. You will always be a killer.
No matter how many meditations he had done, no matter how many talks with Qui-Gon he had had, nothing had done him any good. He could not wipe the guilt and shame from deep within himself. He knew that Kad had seen into his heart.
In his own eyes, he was a killer, too.
Twelve Years Later
Chapter 11
Obi-Wan moved quickly along the path that ran beside the lake. A fresh breeze moved across his skin and whispered through the branches overhead. Even after all these years, he had to remind himself that the breeze was caused by hidden cooling fans, the dappled shadow on the forest floor created by a series of illumination banks that mimicked the rise and decline of the sun.
His footsteps slowed as he heard the calls and laughter of the Jedi students at the beach along the lake. Although he had received a message that he and Anakin were to report to Yoda, he wanted a few seconds of delay. Anakin had so few opportunities for play. He hated to interrupt him.
They had been heading back from an intense physical workout when Obi-Wan had spied the students from Anakin's year heading to the lake. He had seen the longing in Anakin's eyes as the students dived into the cool water.
"Go ahead," Obi-Wan had told him. "Take some time off."
Anakin had looked at him uncertainly, but Obi-Wan shooed him off. It puzzled and worried Obi-Wan how much time his Padawan spent alone. Anakin had told him that he'd had good friends on Tatooine, especially a human boy named Kitster. He'd been at theTemplefor three years now, but he hadn't made one close friend, although he was well liked and certainly got along with the other kids.
Obi-Wan had tried to talk to him about it, but the boy would just shut down. His eyes would turn opaque and the corners of his mouth would straighten into a thin line. He would seem very far away. Obi-Wan did not know how to reach him at such times, but they were infrequent and passed as quickly as a rain shower. When they'd met, Anakin had been a warm-hearted nine-year-old boy with an open nature. He was twelve and a half now, and the years had changed him. He had grown to be a boy who hid his heart.
Obi-Wan had tried to show Anakin that friends he would make at theTemplewould be his for life. Obi-Wan's friends from his classes-Garen, Reeft, and Bant-were now roaming the galaxy. He didn't see them very often. But that deep tie was still there. He wanted the same for Anakin.
Qui-Gon had been dead for three and a half years. Sometimes it seemed like an age, but most of the time it seemed like it had happened yesterday. Especially when he needed his Master's advice. He would always think of Qui-Gon as his Master. Qui-Gon had been torn from him too soon, and Obi-Wan still felt his presence at his shoulder. He even knew what Qui-Gon would say right now.
You ca
Qui-Gon had done that. Obi-Wanwas still ru
Smiling, Obi-Wan paused behind a screen of trees. He couldn't resist a moment to see if Anakin was enjoying himself with the others. He sca
Obi-Wan exited at Anakin's floor and quickly made his way to the boy's quarters. As he reached them, the lower half of a protocol droid rotated out the door on its own. It was followed a moment later by a battered astromech droid, which tottered and then smashed into the wall.
Obi-Wan paused. As expected, a split second later Anakin raced out the door and crashed right into Obi-Wan.
"By the suns, I thought I had it this time," he cried, rebounding off Obi-Wan and crouching by the droid.
"I thought you wanted to swim," Obi-Wan said.
That shuttered look came over Anakin's face. "I hadwork to do," he muttered.
Obi-Wan crouched by him. "This isn't work, Anakin. It's a hobby. And if you are using it to keep distance between you and your fellow students, it's not a helpful one."
Anakin looked up, his bright eyes keen again. "But I'm making things, Master! Look, I've almost got this astromech ready for service."
"Mechanical ability is a valuable skill," Obi-Wan said. "That is not what I meant, and you know it."
"They don't want me," Anakin said flatly. He walked over and slung the legs of the protocol droid under one arm. "I'm not like them."
Obi-Wan couldn't argue. Anakin was unique. There was no question about that. He was an exceptional student, much more in tune with the Force than others his age. He had come late to theTemple. It wasn't that the other students dislikedhim, they just didn't know what to make of him.
When did it happen? Obi-Wan wondered again. Why did it happen? Was it the loss of his mother, followed so closely by the death of Qui-Gon? Obi-Wan could not replace those people in Anakin's heart, nor did he wish to. He had hoped that with Jedi training andtheir own relationship, Anakin would come to find peace. He had not.
"Yoda has requested our presence," he told Anakin, rolling the astromech droid back into Anakin's quarters.
Anakin looked up, excited."A mission?"
"I don't think so," Obi-Wan said carefully.
Barely two weeks ago, Yoda and Mace Windu had expressed doubts that Anakin was ready for a mission. Anakin lacked discipline, they said. Obi-Wan disagreed. It wasn't so much a lack of discipline that caused Anakin to break rules and send his droids scurrying over theTemplecorridors. It was partially boredom, he thought. No matter what he threw at Anakin, the boy mastered it. He needed more challenges. Where Yoda and Mace Windu saw a lack of discipline, Obi-Wan saw an emotional restlessness that could not be cured by hard study or physical trials.