Jedi Apprentice 15: The Death Of Hope

"And a probe droid," Qui-Gon finished.

A soft voice came from behind them. "But they are illegal now."

It was Alani. The slight sixteen-year-old stood in the doorway for a moment, dressed in a simple tunic, her golden hair braided and coiled around her head. She had dark smudges under her eyes. The twins had stayed awake mourning Roan, and the news of Tahl's disappearance had devastated them. Tahl and the twins had a special bond.

She took a few steps into the room. "I didn't mean to overhear. I came to see if I can bring you refreshment."

"We'd rather have a probe droid," Qui-Gon said.

"I might be able to help you with that as well," Alani said. "At least, I know someone who can find one. Lenz."

"Lenz," Obi-Wan said, repeating the name. Lenz had been among the Workers in a secret meeting he and Qui-Gon had overheard.

"He is the leader of the Workers," Alani said. "He will say he doesn't know how to get one, but that's a lie. Tell him I sent you."

"You know him well?" Qui-Gon asked.

"Lenz took us in when our father was imprisoned," Alani said. "So yes, I know him well. We are not in touch anymore, but he will help you if I ask him to. The trouble will be finding him. He moves from place to place."

"We have no time to waste," Obi-Wan said in frustration. Would they need a probe droid to track Lenz, too?

Alani frowned, thinking. "Irini will know how to find him. She will be at her job at the Absolute Museum by now."

The Jedi knew Irini. But knowing her didn't mean she would help them.

She was a prominent leader in the Worker movement, and she had made it clear that she did not consider the Jedi her allies. They suspected her of trying to kill them when they had first arrived on New Apsolon. But there was no one else to turn to.

Chapter 2

It had been a time of great confusion for Qui-Gon. It had been as though his body temperature had risen, as if there was a fever in his blood. He had been restless and irritable. Deep meditation was hard to sustain. Tired of waiting for a mission to distract him, he had taken Obi- Wan on a survival trip to Ragoon-6, hoping the discipline would calm his mind and body. It had not.

The first vision appeared on Ragoon-6. He saw Tahl in distress. In his vision, he caught and held her. Her body felt so weak. He was filled with helplessness and fear.

When he returned to the Temple, anxious to find her, he discovered that Tahl was on the verge of leaving on a mission to New Apsolon. Qui-Gon could not interfere. Yet after she had gone he was once again visited by that same disturbing vision. He knew she was headed for danger. He knew that she would need him. He knew she would resist his help.

He did not need Yoda to tell him that visions should not serve as a guide for behavior. He did not listen to the Council when they cautioned him to wait. He left for New Apsolon, drawn by a compulsion he did not understand. He had to follow her.

But the most important thing had not become clear. Why had the visions of Tahl in trouble come to him, haunted him, driven him? Why did just the sight of her suddenly irritate him and warm him at the same time?

Then, in one blinding moment, he had received his answer. He had felt a shock so deep it seemed his body could not contain it. He had found that he was not just a Jedi, but a man. And the fever in his blood was Tahl.

Courage was something a Jedi did not think about. It was simply the will to do right. It was the discipline to move forward. Qui-Gon had never had to reach for it; it had always been there, ready for him. It deserted him when he asked to speak to Tahl alone.

He had poured out his heart as only a quiet man could. He had used few words. The time it took for her to respond had seemed endless. Then she had taken a step forward, taken his hand, and pledged her life to his. They would have one life, together, she had said.

What an astonishing lesson, Qui-Gon thought, to find that joy was such a simple thing. It sprang from a single, shining source. She said yes.

She said yes.

As they walked the short distance to the museum, Qui-Gon had to discipline himself severely to recall his Jedi training. He knew that his Padawan was troubled by his behavior. It was true that for the first time since he was a young Temple student, he was having trouble with his focus.

In the midst of every battle, every trouble, Qui-Gon had always been able to find his calm center. When he reached for it now, it was gone.

Replacing it was a core of turbulent, angry chaos, fueled by his guilt and his fear.

This was the time he must operate at the peak of his efficiency. This was the time that called for his most intense focus.

The cold fear that lay deep within him was not just for Tahl. He was also afraid of his own doubt.

He had never been so at a loss because he had never felt like this before. Only hours ago, he and Tahl had pledged their lives to each other.

The emotion and the need had surprised them both. Once they had accepted it, it had felt like the most natural thing in the world. Qui-Gon was astonished to discover that he had found one person who mattered to him more than anything else in the galaxy.

And now he had lost her.

"Qui-Gon?"

Obi-Wan jolted him out of his jumbled thoughts. He saw that he had paused in front of the museum's wide double doors.

"The museum is closed," Obi-Wan said. "It's too early."

"It opens in fifteen minutes. No doubt the guides are here."

The museum had been built shortly after the government of Apsolon reorganized and became New Apsolon. As a show of good faith, the government opened the doors of the hated headquarters of the Absolutes. People were free to come and acknowledge the horrors that had been done there. It was, the leaders felt, a way to prevent the horrors from happening again. Former victims of Absolute repression had come forward and obtained jobs as guides to the complex. This was how the Jedi had met lrini.

Qui-Gon pressed the off-hours signal button. He heard it ring inside.

No one came.

Qui-Gon pounded on the door. He could not wait fifteen minutes. He could not wait one second more than he had to.

The door slid open. Irini stood in her guide uniform. She glowered at the Jedi.

"The museum is not open yet."

"We saw that," Qui-Gon said, striding past her.