First Daughter

Schiltz clucked his tongue. "Now you sound like one of those missionary secularists."

"I'm disappointed but hardly surprised to hear you say that." Jack made interlocking rings on the table with the bottom of his glass. "Because I'm certainly not a missionary secularist."

"Okay. Right now because of Emma's death you're cut off from God."

"Oh, I was cut off from that branch of thinking a long time ago," Jack said. "Now I'm begi

"Either you believe in God or you don't," Schiltz said. "There's no middle ground."

Jack looked at his friend. They'd spent so many years dancing around this topic, holding it at bay for the sake of their friendship. But a line had been crossed tonight, he felt, from which there was no turning back. "No room for debate, no movement from beliefs written in stone."

"The Ten Commandments were written in stone," Schiltz pointed out, "and for a very good reason."

"Didn't Moses break the tablets?"

"Stop it, Jack." Schiltz called for the check. "This is leading us nowhere."

Which, Jack thought, was precisely the problem. "So what happens now?" he said.

"Frankly, I don't know."

Schiltz stared into the middle distance, where a couple of dateless women who had given up for the night were dancing with each other while Elvis crooned "Don't Be Cruel."

His eyes slowly drew into themselves and he focused on Jack. "The truth is, I'm afraid to go home. I'm afraid of what Candy would do if she found out, afraid of the disgrace I'd come under in my church. I can tell you there are friends of mine who'd never talk to me again."

Jack waited a moment to gather his thoughts. He was mildly surprised to learn that whatever anger he'd felt toward Egon had burned itself out with the bourbon they'd thrown down their throats. The truth was, he felt sad.

"I wish I could help you with all that," Jack said.

Schiltz put up a hand. "My sin, my burden."

"What I can offer is another perspective. What's happened tonight is a living, breathing test of your iron-bound faith. You live within certain religious and moral lines, Egon. They allow for no deviation or justification. But you can't fall back on any religious fiction. God didn't tell you to have an affair with Ami, and neither did the devil. It was you, Egon. You made the conscious choice, you crossed a line you're forbidden to cross."

Schiltz shook his head wearily. "Would Candy forgive me? I just don't know."

"When I saw her earlier tonight, she told me in no uncertain terms just how strong your love is for each other. You've been through bad patches before, Egon, and you've managed to work through them."

"This is so big, though."

"Candy's got a big heart."

Schiltz peered at Jack through the low light, the beery haze. "Have you forgiven Sharon?"

"Yes," Jack said, "I have." And that was the moment he realized that he was telling the truth, the moment he understood why her unreasoning outburst had cut him so deeply.

Jack cocked his head. "So who are you now, Egon? You see, I can forgive what you've done, I can look past the part you play, the lies you've maintained, and still love the man beneath, despite your betrayal of Candy and Molly-and of me, for that matter. You're my friend, Egon. That's what's important in life. Friends fuck up, occasionally they do the wrong thing, they're forgiven. The religious thing-well, in my view, it's not relevant here. It's what you do now as a man, Egon, as a human being, that will determine whether you live the rest of your life as a lie, or whether you begin to change. Whether or not that includes telling Candy is entirely up to you."

The Everly Brothers were singing "All I Have to Do Is Dream." The two listless women on the dance floor seemed to have fallen asleep in each other's arms.

"This is a chance to get to know yourself, Egon, the real you that's been hidden away for years beneath the Bible. I've seen bits of him out in the woods with our daughters, fishing, looking up at the stars, telling ghost stories."

Schiltz downed the last of his bourbon, stared down at the table with its empty glasses, damp rings, crumpled napkins. "I don't believe I fully understood you, until tonight."

He turned away, but not before Jack caught the glimmer of a tear at the corner of his eye.

"I don't…" Schiltz tried to clear the emotion out of his throat. "I don't know whether I have the strength to get to know myself, Jack."

"Well, I don't know either, Egon." Jack threw some money on the table. "But I'd lay odds that you're going to try."

THIRTY

THE SPANISH Steps, ru

Calla stood waiting for Ro

Though she worked long and hard for the First American Secular Revivalists, and was as rational as the members who sat on either side of her, she was, at heart, a true romantic. Perhaps this was why she was drawn to Ro

She couldn't help furtively watching a young couple sitting on the steps, perhaps halfway down, necking. Calla imagined herself in the girl's place, her lover's hands on her warm flesh, and envied her. She'd come to Washington three years ago from Grand Rapids in search of a husband with a good job and solid family values. But finding that kind of man proved more difficult than she had imagined. She'd dated men who were either windbags or hopeless narcissists. And she'd deflected a number of married men who wanted to bed her, sometimes desperately. Switching to plan B, she'd thrown herself body and soul into FASR, a cause she believed in-fine for her sense of justice, bad for her love life.

As if from an invisible vibration, her head swung around and she saw him coming, stepping off the street onto the rectangular plaza at the top of the stairs where she waited for him.

"Hello, Ro

"You came."

"Of course I came!" She looked deep into his dark eyes. "Why wouldn't I?"

"You could have changed your mind," Kray said. "People do, at the last minute."

"Well, I don't," Calla said firmly. He had taught her to stand up for what she believed, even with Chris and Peter. Terrifying and exhilarating all at once, like being on a roller coaster.